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Friday, June 03, 2005

Top Ten Other Surprising Revelations From "Deep Throat"

10. Henry Kissinger? Two words -- fishnet stockings.

9. Nixon's "southern strategy" worked and still holds, predicated as it was on appealing to the latent racism of a backward culture suffering from a well-deserved inferiority complex.

8. Jethro Tull's concept album Thick As A Brick is actually an epic poem about the decline of the British Empire.

7. Liberace got more pussy than Frank Sinatra. Women, it seems, enjoy a "challenge".

6. First Arab oil embargo actually caused by John Wayne -- on a bender during Rooster Cogburn shooting break -- wiping face with Saudi prince's headdress and repeatedly calling him "Omar Sharif".

5. Elvis Presley was a federal narc, just not a very good one.

4. Bella Abzug was a man, baby, yeah!

3. The CIA's MKULTRA mind-control program eventually culminated in widely-disseminated commercial products such as disco music, pet rocks, and Cannonball Run/Smokey & The Bandit movies -- all precursors of reality TV. Coincidence?

2. Originally thought the Watergate break-in was one of Hoover's practical jokes.

1. Moon landing a hoax -- actually filmed on Shelley Winters' left asscheek.

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