Friday, May 25, 2012

In Your Facebook

At some point in the near future, hopefully, I'll be gearing up my own little e-business on the side, since it appears to be the only way to do more than eke one's way through life in our postmodern paradise. And with such a venture will come the requisite social marketing presence, of which Facebook is still currently the primary mode of disseminating marketing piffle.

So it's not that I necessarily wanted the vaunted Facebook IPO to fail so epically, it's just that none of the numbers made any sense. No one seemed able to explain where the $100bn market cap came from (after being estimated at $45bn a little over a year ago), for a company with almost no discernible revenue model.

Someone should put Jamie Dimon on the case; he seems pretty adept at falling into buckets of shit and not splashing a drop.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Sperm Donor

Of course, extreme cases such as this jism-spraying retard should not be seen as being indicative of anything, except maybe to restate the time-honored maxim that stupid people really shouldn't breed -- or at least they should know when to fucking stop.

However, I think it's fair and reasonable to say that no court should strike any deal or cut any breaks whatsoever for this dipshit until he presents a receipt attesting to having gotten a vasectomy, maybe two just to be sure. But really, no deals or breaks should be had at all -- it's a surefire bet that every single one of Desmond Hatchett's thirty kids is receiving some form of government assistance, and that Hatchett's minimum-ass wages need to be garnished until every last cent is repaid. Fuck this gaping asshole.

Extra kudos, btw, to the commenters who use Hatchett's idiocy to complain about blacks, women, Democrats, Obama, and the "welfare state" in general. On that last count at least, there's a small amount of truth, in that more creative ways should be found to either incentivize good behavior, or disincentivize stupid behavior. Either pay this dipshit a couple hundred dollars to do the right thing and get clipped already, or just garnish every goddamned dime he makes until the taxpayers' investment in his progeny is recouped.

Providing a safety net for those genuinely in need should not mean enabling useless bastards like Desmond Hatchett to fuck everything that moves and force everyone else to pay for it.

SEO Tips and Tricks

So it seems that out there on these weird wild intartubez, there is a particularly auspicious asshole in Greenville, SC by name of George Tierney, whose Twitter MO seems to be harassing Sandra Fluke, calling her a "cunt" and asking her "when [she will] shut [her] god damn dick sucker". Fair enough; apparently Ms. Fluke's testimony a few months back pinched a nerve or several, and Tierney feels free to utilize his sacred First Amendment rights to, I dunno, challenge Ted Nugent to a contest to see who can be the biggest fucking jackass.

So. TBogg has duly noted Tierney's attempt to be this generation's Phil Donahue/Alan Alda male-feminist type, and of course Tierney promptly orders Mr. Bogg and his site managers not only to, um, cease and desist reprinting Tierney's own tweets verbatim, but, ah, to stop affecting Teh Google with these mischaracterizations. How someone can claim to be misrepresented by not only quotes, but screen shots, should be an interesting tale.

This is and always has been your garden-variety movementarian conservtard in a nutshell, folks -- smarmy, self-satisfied, quick to lob a nasty epithet, and even quicker to get all butt-hurt and chest-puffy when someone has the nerve to, you know, quote them.

Tierney should see a lawyer, that way someone can at long last explain to him how the fuckin' law works. Jesus, you can't make this crap up, parody has long been a thin substitute for reality.

Saturday, May 12, 2012


If one wishes to characterize Romney's prep-school hijinks as "bullying", hey, good luck with that. Last time I checked, a couple people holding someone down while another person shears the victim with a pair of scissors, like a trussed-up sheep, is not a "prank", it's called assault and battery.

From shearing queer kids to making a buck off of gutting American companies and putting American workers in the unemployment line, and pocketing the difference for himself. No, no behavioral pattern there at all.

State of Failure

Gosh, it's just too bad California isn't a Wall Street bank. Then we would be considered "too big to fail", and bailed out forthwith, and given a nice fat bonus for our troubles. Instead we're just a state that contains 1 in 8 Americans, and gets 77 cents backs for every federal tax dollar we pay in tribute to the high lords in DC. Ho hum.

Remember, friends 'n' neighbors, AIG alone got $180 billion in the bailouts. Even half of our $16 bn deficit would help out hugely. Apparently it's better to let us die on the vine.

Porn Again

Not only is it hi-larious that America's porniest city is in the shadow of Disney World, but that well over half of the top 20 cities are in deep red states, right through the bible belt.

As always, draw your own conclusions.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Qu'ils Mangent de la Brioche

Is there anyone following the ongoing economic debacle that would seriously contest Taibbi's contention here? Not only is it no secret that any austerity measures will come solely out of the hides of the peons, they scarcely bother to conceal it anymore.

And why should they? They barely bothered to hide the model that ruptured the economy in the first place, the "we fuck it up, you rebuild it and give us all fat bonuses" racket they dumped on us a few years back. As many folks (including, of course, yours truly) wrote at the time, the bailout completely disincentivized them from avoiding the same sort of bad behavior down the road.

It ain't rocket science. If you catch your kid poaching cookies from the jar and lying about it, you don't beat him, but you also don't just whistle a happy tune and bake another few dozen cookies to replace the ones he took. Except in this case, Junior was stealing cookies from every house in the neighborhood, and all you did was just replace the cookies to placate the neighbors, and not even talk to Junior about his bad behavior. So again, why wouldn't he continue to do what he was doing?

I dunno. It is weird and counterintuitive to watch how economic issues don't unfold here, how they seem largely inert, or maybe they're just being ignored, because no one wants to read about how someone gets their job sent to Shenzhen, then loses their house on the subprime ARM adjustment, then either murder-suicides his family or ends up in a tent city scavenging cans for cheap vodka. One would hope that if enough people were exposed to the magnitude of the human damage that a rapacious financial has instigated and perpetuated, they might rise up, get on their hind legs and be men when it counted most.

The main thing to keep in mind is that there is enough to go around, but in a plutonomy, the players at the table never know when -- or even how-- to say "when". It takes a certain type of person to take money that they didn't even earn -- that they inherited, or stole, or coerced, or simply got lucky on -- and presume a sense of entitlement, a mission to simply hoard and push the peasants around.

Keep taking their shit, until you realize you really don't have to.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Pray the Gay Away

I'd like to go on record and wholeheartedly thank the fine voters of Nawth Caraliney for their valiant stand against those awful hommaseckshuls and their pernicious ways. Clearly this whole "marriage" thing is just a sneaky attempt to gull us fine upstanding members of polite society into, I dunno, leaving our virgin butt-cheeks unprotected.

Seriously (and I said the same thing when my own fine progressive state voted the same way), what the fuck is wrong with these people? The nation and the planet are on the verge of truly catastrophic circumstances, on a lot of fronts. It is inexplicable that this is even on the top 100 of any serious person's concerns.

Extra kudos to the Obamanauts for scrambling on this one like Randall Cunningham. To use the standard Lucy with the football analogy does a disservice to poor Lucy; rather than simply yanking the football and cackling with glee, it's more like they substitute a lead-filled pumpkin, but continue to insist that, nope, that there's a god's-honest gin-yew-whine football, I tell yew whut.

You have to love the faithful defenders in the comments there -- if Obama proposed tomorrow that, say, payroll taxes be increased on workers by 20%, and Planned Parenthood be completely defunded of federal dollars, they would rise as one and stomp and huff that Romney would raise the tax by 50% and repeal Roe outright with a single swing of his mighty sword. Let the N8r b8ing begin in 5...4...3...2...

I dunno. Ask Dick Lugar about the value of centrism, of dickless incrementalism, of letting yourself be pushed around, time and again, by some fat, crazy slob, losing the respect of the rest of the playground, when all it would take to win that respect back would to fucking pimp-slap his stupid ass down already.

Then again, maybe not -- NC certainly proved today that dumb 'n' ign'int is alive and well, in generous portions, for no good reason at all. Perhaps this is really the way 'murkins want it, dumb and dysfunctional, drafting foolish and mean and useless initiatives to make closeted god-botherers feel better about who-knows-what, while the rest of it all goes up in smoke.

But this is no way to run a mature democracy, not one that hopes to survive. These are the actions of drowning souls, desperately pulling down whatever is within reach.