9. Noelle Bush. Thief, pill-popper, crackhead. Daughter of John Ellis Bush. Managed to get drug diversion instead of prison because War On Some Drugs only applies to poor people and Robert Downey, Jr. Seems determined to make as little as possible out of what should have been a charmed life. She'll have to kill someone while holding up a liquor store to ever do any real time.
8. Barney the Dog. Hapless beneficiary of current preznit's notorious lack of hand-eye coordination. Rumored to have gotten revenge by tampering with pretzel supply.
7. Marvin Bush. Youngest of W's siblings. From 1993-2000, Marvin was a director of a company providing electronic security to the World Trade Center, Dulles International Airport, and United Airlines. The company, Securacom (later "Stratesec", like that was any better) was backed by an investment company called the Kuwait-American Corp., which has been financially linked with the Bush family since the first Gulf War.
Coincidentally enough, Marvin's final year on Stratesec's board was his first year on the board of HCC Insurance (formerly Houston Casualty Co.), which was one of the World Trade Center's insurance carriers. That's some kind of luck. And speaking of luck, Marvin's babysitter died under strange circumstances at Marvin's home in 2003. I mean, you look at the rain cloud that follows this poor guy around. If it warn't for bad luck, he'd have no luck at all. At least none of it directly affected him. Which is good, I suppose. As long as you're Marvin. Which he is.
6. Jenna and Barbara Bush. Twin daughters of W. Notorious party girls. Apparently not shy about using their family name as currency to meet famous people and hangers-on. Got baked with Ashton Kutcher, who seems to be having a contest with That '70s Show co-star Wilmer Valderrama to see who can get the most high-profile trim.
The girls seem to have inspired a goofy Ginger/Mary Ann dichotomy in conservative pajamahadeen stalwarts, who may have to brush away Cheeto crumbs before attempting to bed American royalty (or anything without an air valve, for that matter). They (the twins, not the Cheeto Brigade) are caught in that terrible Catch-22 of living that dolce vita that every upwardly-mobile party girl dreams of, but are forced to deal with the pesky media and the Gladys Kravitz wing of their father's political base. Boo hoo!
5. Neil Bush. Token embarrassing brother, à la Roger Clinton or Billy Carter. May actually be even more useless than Roger or Billy. Might as well have awful beer named after him at this point. Has incredible knack for getting quality strange on overseas business trips. Is on board of every company that needs to lick his brother's or father's boots, yet does nothing for any of them. Would be helping W manage a Circuit City in Midland if not for their last name. Cost taxpayers $1 billion in savings and loan scandal in the '80s; has yet to repay one goddamned cent.
4. Jonathan Bush. Brother of George H. W. Bush. "International financier", which seems to be a polite way of saying "money launderer to dictators". His investment company, J. Bush & Co., was bought up by Riggs Bank in 1997. Riggs was fined $25 million in May of 2004 "for failing to report to bank regulators suspicious transactions involving ambassadorial accounts of Saudi Arabia and Equatorial Guinea."
Equatorial Guinea, you may recall, is the suddenly oil-rich African dictatorship in which British ministerial progeny Mark Thatcher attempted to finance a coup last summer with some mercenaries. Saudi Arabia, you may recall, is the perennially oil-rich Middle Eastern dictatorship whence 15 of the 19 9/11 hijackers came, and which somehow merited 28 pages of redacted reportage in the 9/11 Congressional Report. Why has no one in our intrepid liberal media even bothered to ask what might be in those redactions, and how exactly they might relate to actual national security concerns? Suffice to say that Jonathan has been the financial advisor to the Saudi ambassador, Prince Bandar, for years. It has been strongly hinted that Mrs. Bandar may have "donated" significant chunks of money to one of the 9/11 cells, apparently assuming that they were just running an inner-city midnight basketball program.
Riggs has also been under investigation for laundering money for scumbag Augusto Pinochet. Riggs' activities so far have not led directly to Jonathan Bush, but his connections surely must provide them with some political cover when they get caught, much as Cheney's connections with Halliburton insulate them every time they get caught grifting the American taxpayer.
3. George Prescott Bush. Son of John Ellis Bush. Referred to as "P" because family keeps recycling only four or five names. Probably will have a small Congressional district in Florida bought for him next year as a housewarming gift. Known to have Latino appeal, due to unusual resemblance to Ricky Martin. As a Rice University freshman, P broke into an ex-girlfriend's house at 4 AM after a New Year's Eve bender, got into a fight with her father, left, came back and did a lawn job with his Explorer. You know how fiery and temperamental those people can be. Bushes, I mean.
2. Sun Myung Moon. Notorious cult leader whackjob/wingnut media mogul. Literally thinks he's the Messiah. Owns Washington Times, UPI news agency, and major media properties around the world, as well as many other businesses, such as weapons manufacturing. Had himself crowned "King Of America" in a United States federal building last year, which can't possibly be legal. Says that if black people moved to North Pole, they'd "become white after a few generations". Regularly attacks gays in his rants. Clearly Moon is clinically insane, yet enjoys an amazing amount of political access. Somehow his political benefactors never get held accountable for this stuff, which is just unconscionable.
Moon is so intertwined with the Bushes he may as well be family. He sponsored one of Bush's inaugural events in 2001. The Moonies are heavily involved in "faith-based" funding by the current administration. There are a couple of Moonies in government posts. Moon even had some weird scheme going where he was encouraging churches (particularly black churches) to tear down their crosses and destroy them, signifying fealty to Moon as The True Messiah.
George H.W. Bush has been an especially willing lackey to this crackpot and convicted felon. When Moon opened up a South American media outlet (after years of cozying up to vicious dictators in Argentina and Uruguay), Poppy Bush was happy to get paid to go to Buenos Aires and shill for him. Bush has also sat in at huge rallies in Korea while Moon as railed and ranted against America and its evil, decadent society. Poppy Bush will do anything for a buck, apparently.
Moon has also sold missile launchers and nuclear weapon delivery systems to North Korea. This guy is serious, and freaky as hell, and has just inexcusably amazing access to our lawmakers and institutions of government. Check it out for yourself. Why should this anti-American lunatic have any access, not to mention far more access than you'll ever have?
More handy links: Link #1; Link #2; Link #3
1. John Ellis Bush. Brother of current White House occupant; current governor of America's Wang, aka "Florida". Calls himself "Jeb" to make rubes think they could live next door to him and barbecue together. Doesn't seem to mind that he disenfranchised thousands of Florida voters with knowingly flawed felon-identification lists provided by a major GOP contributor, both in 2000 and 2004.
Supposedly seized records of flight school attended by Mohammed Atta, after 9/11. Noted protector of vegetables and the unborn. Political career is putatively up in the air after he leaves office next year. Probably more likely to go for Bill Nelson's Senate seat, than a presidential bid. May be the one Bush son with measurable IQ.
First, thanks for the link as that's how I found your blog. Hint, inititals BS.
ReplyDeleteThis was a fascinating read about the Bush family. I was unaware that some of the existed.
You wrote Jeb would most likely go for a senate seat. I've read a lot of reports that he has his eye on his brother's job. His role in the tsunami disaster relief futher upped his profile, fueling the rumors he might run.
Let's hope not!!
Cool blog. I'll be returning.
Welcome Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI understand you and vonkreedon holding to conventional wisdom, that Jeb would rather be president than senator. This is reasonable, but you have to keep in mind that this current administration is almost certain to have several brewing scandals erupt. By '08, people will be sick of the name "Bush" the way they were with Clinton by 1999. That and a Jeb candidacy would the Democrats plenty of ammo to rail about dynastic presidencies.
This certainly doesn't mean that Jeb will never run for POTUS. He's only 52, so 2012 or even 2016 are entirely possible. In the meantime, I'm just guessing Senator. It's interesting, though, that Jeb's degree is in Latin American Affairs. I don't know if that's a precursor for an appointed job instead of running for office again, but there's another possibility.
Heywood J. I teach high school in an academically challenging status conscious suburban school in the midwest. My teaching philosophy is, if a kid has funny bones, then who am I to discipline him for constantly breaking up the class with good comedy? Heywood, what kind of high school student were you exactly? I can't imagine you not devestating the class every Monday morning just as the crotchety old English teacher at the head of the class is staring glassy eyed at retirement in June! Do tell, Heywood J. Don't tell me you went to Chote or Phillips Exeter either. We'll all be devestated! Keep up the rib hurting schtick! The catharthis does us all good in times of maudlin despair...cheers, DK
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally enough, Marvin's final year on Stratesec's board was his first year on the board of HCC Insurance (formerly Houston Casualty Co.), which was one of the World Trade Center's insurance carrier
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