Friday, February 11, 2005

What Can I Do To Put You In This Fine 1975 AMC Pacer Today?

Is it just me, or is George W. Bush sounding more and more like desperate car-salesman/weasel Jerry Lundegaard from Fargo?

Bush's fast-moving manner can make his listening skills appear suspect, Lahkani says. This point is bolstered during Bush's onstage "conversations."

In Omaha on Friday, a divorced single mother named Mary Mornin tells the president, "I have one child, Robbie, who is mentally challenged, and I have two daughters."

"Fantastic," the president exclaims, and he tells her she has "the hardest job in America, being a single mom."

Later, the 57-year old Mornin tells Bush that she works three jobs, which the president deems "uniquely American" and "fantastic." He asks her if she gets any sleep.


Actually, Bush is correct, with the "uniquely American" part. Say what you want about the Euros -- you think any of them are having to work three fucking jobs to make ends meet? Especially at age 57?

I'm glad Bush thinks that the fact that this poor woman has to spend more time slaving than being a mother to her children, or sleeping, is something to crack wise about. But he's a funny, funny guy. Just ask him.



Bush is eager to crack wise. While the president might be warning of a grave national crisis, he's being a laugh-riot about it. Bush loves joking about how he "married up," how he's "gettin' all gray" and how he goofed off in college. In Little Rock Friday, Bush was joined onstage by Gloria Bennett, a part-time food inspector from DeQueen, Ark.

To which Bush says, "That's right next to DeKing."


Ow! Ow! I'm splittin' a side! Too much comedy hijinks for me! Jesus, it's like something the Smothers Brothers had the good sense to leave on the cutting-room floor.



Likewise, the word "privatization" is verboten at the social security rallies. It is used by critics of the Bush plan (such as the protesters holding "Don't Privatize Social Security" signs outside each event). In Great Falls, Mont., when an eager Bush supporter in the audience innocently says "privatization" when asking a question, the president promptly corrects her. "'Personal retirement accounts' is the proper terminology," he says.


So who gets beaten when this happens -- the offending "audience" member, or the guy who was supposed to screen her and frisk her for liberalism before she was allowed to venture into this highly-democratic pitch meeting? Ah, hell, beat 'em both and let Karl Rove sort 'em out.



"Those of you who are fixin' to retire -- that's Texan for getting ready to retire -- have nothing to worry about."


I know it seems like a dumb little affectation to most people. But half of my family is from Texas and Oklahoma, and I can tell you, this fake-ass Cooter-from-the-feed-store bullshit drives me up the fucking wall.

George W. Bush was born in New Haven, Connecticut. He prep-schooled at Phillips Andover. He matriculated at Yale and Harvard. The only thing natively Texan about him is his Phony Lama shit-kickers. I do not understand how people buy into this stupid shit. Even if you bought the "I'm one of you" line, do you really want Cooter from the feed store with his stump on the nucular button? What the fuck, is this guy going to build a moonshine still on the South Lawn to show us how "road" (as opposed to "street") he is?

Is this what our political currency has been devalued to? And is this the argument we're going to accept in eliminating a program that is functioning perfectly fine right now?

All that's left is to sucker us into ponying up more cash for the TrueCoat™.

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