Nothing Rhymes With "Feeding Tube"

Perhaps you caught Jesse Jackson's brief video spot on HBO's Real Time With Bill Maher the other night. If not, you should, if only to confirm first-hand that the man is just a shell of his past at this point. First he put forth an argument for siding with Terri Schiavo's parents that completely disregarded established law that had been implemented in this case, once again, twenty times. While Jackon's pleas for common decency sounded plaintive enough, one can't help but figure that he might as well have just thrown on a fake Franciscan cowl and joined the microphone choir of holy vultures.

Worse yet, Jesse Jackson went on to defend Michael Jackson. Jesse wisely avoided offering his opinion as to Michael's guilt or innocence; rather, he defended Michael's recent comparison of his own travails to those of Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, and Jack Johnson. Uh, yeah.

What both Jacksons seem ignorant of (or are perhaps merely blinded by cynicism) is that Whitey doesn't see Michael Jackson as "black", and hasn't for a long time. Whitey sees Fifty Cent as black; Whitey sees Dave Chappelle as black. And Whitey really doesn't care; Whitey (especially his subspecies, Suburban Whitey) has eaten up black and ghetto culcha as fast as it can be churned out of Death Row Records. Whitey spends time acting black; Whitey is secretly ashamed and paranoid that his penis is reputedly a lot smaller than that of the average black man.

Whitey doesn't even think Michael Jackson has a penis, much less a big one. Whitey has made Oprah an institution. Whitey buys Al Green and Barry White CDs to fuck his woman to. Whitey doesn't hate Michael Jackson for his race; Whitey is bemused and disgusted by what an idiotic circus the man's life is, and how long it's been since he was more notorious for being a fucking weirdo than famous for actually having talent. Whitey assumes that even black people stopped seeing Michael Jackson as a black man quite some time ago.

Enough with the bullshit race-baiting, Jesse, especially in the defense of a washed-up has-been llama-fondling pedophile who has the goddamned nerve to compare himself to people that were unfairly persecuted. Go back to knocking up your secretaries or something, and get off my fucking TV until you have something useful to say. You're a sloppy orator, and an even sloppier thinker. Shame on you; would you let your kids sleep over at Neverland without their baby-mommas supervising? Didn't think so.

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In other Schiavo-related wrap-ups, National Review's Jay Nordlinger takes a break from cleaning Richard Cougar Mellonscaife's pool to tell the rest of us just how awful we are. Tell it Tom DeLay, Fucko.

Or remind yourself that even a champion of life like the Pope knew when it was time to put the machinery away, and just go home and let God call him up. This rotten notion that "liberals" enjoyed the Schiavo case (ignoring, of course, the inconvenient fact that a lot of conservatives and evangelicals also polled strongly against government interference in end-of-life care decisions) may be just the thing to finally sink in, and derail the wingnut dominance.