Is It Douche-y In Here, Or Is It Just Me?

Via Kos we see this little gem which neatly encapsulates the deep thinking behind the big dog-and-(ahem)pony show:

Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, heavily criticized for his agency's slow response to Hurricane Katrina, is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm to help clients avoid the sort of errors that cost him his job.

''If I can help people focus on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses -- because that goes straight to the bottom line -- then I hope I can help the country in some way,'' Brown told the Rocky Mountain News for its Thursday editions.

You know how you can help the country in some way, Mikey? Go back to the pony show. Oh wait, they fired your dumb ass, too. Never mind. I'll give you ten bucks to clean my fucking gutters, just 'cause I do my best to help the losers of the world when possible. I'm a people person, when you get right down to it.

Brown said officials need to ''take inventory'' of what's going on in a disaster to be able to answer questions to avoid appearing unaware of how serious a situation is.

In the aftermath of the hurricane, critics complained about Brown's lack of formal emergency management experience and e-mails that later surfaced showed him as out of touch with the extent of the devastation.

The lawyer admits that while he was head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency mistakes were made in the response to Katrina. He also said he had been planning to quit before the hurricane hit.

''Hurricane Katrina showed how bad disasters can be, and there's an incredible need for individuals and businesses to understand how important preparedness is,'' he said.

I love this section, just for the sheer disjointedness of it all. The first sentence portrays him as a proactive problem-solver; the second contradicts the first; the third leaves one assuming that Brown felt underpaid for his incompetence (why else would he quit to stay in the same line of, um, "work"?); and the fourth is just a "no shit, Sherlock" bit that underscores this clown's opportunism.

But it's this last part where Mikey shows his true colors, those of a petulant, self-indulgent little whiner:

''I'm doing a lot of good work with some great clients,'' Brown said. ''My wife, children and my grandchild still love me. My parents are still proud of me.''

Oh, they should be, Mike, they should be. After all, you are a fashion god, and you have the horsie show trophies to prove it. I'd love to know which "businesses" are lining up to sign on Mike's disaster expertise, and which ones just want to sniff his ass for lucrative government contracts. There's a special place in hell for people like Mike Brown.