Kim Possible

It scarcely merits mentioning that I find the neo-Stalinist cult regime of Kim Jong Il contemptible. He's a sociopath who lives large while millions of his people starve to death or barely survive, and are beaten down. They are kept from finding out about the outside world precisely because Kim knows that if they knew how much the world has progressed without them, and regards their pitiable country and its psychotic leader, they'd turn on him in a heartbeat. And Kim's constant provocations are no help to his futile cause.

However, as far as how much of a threat North Korea poses to the United States, it's not even worth bothering with. NK's lame attempt at lobbing a Taepodong into the Chukchi Sea or wherever was par for the course, a flailing attempt by a desperate country teetering on the brink of collapse. It's the equivalent of a drunk guy brandishing a Swiss Army knife, approaching you way down the sidewalk. He's a good thirty feet away, and you happen to be strapped with an AK-47, a flamethrower, and a Beretta 9mm. It is conceivable that Drunk Asshole could throw the Swiss Army knife at you, and maybe even hit you. But he's clearly too incompetent to pull much of anything off, and you'd perforate and incinerate his fucking ass in two seconds anyway, whether he chucked the knife at you or your friends who are standing closer to him.

This should not be taken to mean that we don't have to worry at all about North Korea, just that we should refine our approach. It should be noted that Russia and especially China could do more to help than they have been, but it's also worth noting that we haven't exactly been our own best advocates in this either. "Stick" and "bigger stick with nails" does not a diplomatic arsenal make. Bush's rhetorical Axle of Elvis bluster has been tremendously counterproductive, serving only to spur Iran and North Korea into accelerating, rather than abandoning, their nuclear ambitions.

No one wants to have to essentially bribe a midget jerkoff like Kim Jong Il into behaving himself. But if we make a reunified Korea a viable goal, then we can start using soft power diplomacy, including financial incentives and aid, to start down that path. Look at the "it'll pay for itself, you pacifist pussies" debacle in Iraq, and extrapolate a cost-benefit analysis to North Korea and Iran. Factor in the demonstrable incompetence of the current team of armchair warriors. How do you like them fucking odds, Capitan?

At some point we have to stop with the mindless flag-waving and breast-beating and slogan-chanting, and get on to business. And that's all this is. It's not a matter of national pride, nor is it a matter of national security at this point. It's not even a matter of regional security; China is no more likely to put up with a hostile North Korea than we are.

It's a matter of growing the fuck up, and realizing that platitudes solve nothing, and that running every single thing from the political arm has been incredibly self-destructive.

I mean, Kim Jong Il is welcome to kiss my entire ass; he's a despicable little megalomanical toad. But let's get real about what sort of threat is actually being posed, and start looking at the nature of the problem, and how it can be resolved diplomatically, because it most certainly can.

But you get the distinct impression that the Chimpco gang either can't or won't admit that truth to themselves, and certainly not to us peons.