Sunday, October 08, 2006

Handjob Veterans For Truth

Alicublog has a brilliant take on the sexual continuum of the frantic Foley fabulists and their compadres in disingenuous silliness.

The top conservative bloggers, despite their self-portrayal as men and women of The Peepul, tend to be professional word-workers with some education and prestige (law professors, speechwriters, journalists, students, etc). They have to know this Republican freakishness about sex is all bullshit. But they have gone along because it has been good for their Party and the non-sex-based causes it supports -- endless war on Muslims, low taxes on rich people, and such like.

By a willful misreading of the current scandal-twisted situation, some of them see an opportunity to speak up for sex without abandoning their Republican affiliation. This opportunity is so rare, and so delayed, that when they finally feel themselves free to speak out for sucking and fucking, it comes out explosively, in a pressurized stream of clumsily suggestive gibberish.

For all the harm their reign has done our country, let us be grateful at least that we are not so afflicted.


Right on the money. The more literate of the conservabloggers are actually educated and sensible enough (believe it or not) to at least understand the trade-off they have made, even if they'll never fully admit it. But the fact is that their political success is tethered to the abject, pathetic deference they show to narcissistic theocrat orcs like Tony Perkins and James Dobson, who have all of a sudden abandoned their mission of dumbing down the culture to accommodate slow eight-year-olds to instruct their minions to think that a U.S. Congressman leaving a floor vote to talk about handjobs with teenagers is some big fucking prank. So much for ideological (or even intellectual) consistency. How do they sleep at night? On a big fucking pile of money, that's how.

But this is just another episode that neatly circumscribes their convenient obsessions with other peoples' sexual habits. They couldn't shut the fuck up for two seconds about the Clenis, alternating their labors between shoveling shit and desperate fabrications, but when it turned out Newt Gingrich and his replacement (among others) had similar moral afflictions, they hemmed and hawed like nobody's business.

They know (and knew) what they had in Mark Foley -- a good earner with a bad habit, like Vito from The Sopranos. It's a devil's bargain all the way around -- the GOP loses without the gay-marriage freaks, the freaks lose without a legitimate party apparatus to carry their holy water for them. Both sides tacitly know that since politics is, as they say, show business for ugly people, that as in Hollywood, there are plenty of gay people working behind the scenes, from closet cases like Ken Mehlman on down.

Which makes the Anchoress' self-indulgent crap all the more ridiculous for its senseless insouciance. The point she deliberately elides about Corn's list is that her party has been in cahoots with the theocrat assholes to pick on gays when and where it suits them. When it turns into a Jim West or an Ed Schrock or a Jeff Gannon™, suddenly the vaunted moral values that they see fit to endlessly lecture the rest of us on are sublimated for political convenience.

As for this Simon fella, I dunno. I've never read the guy before, and I guess he's supposed to be a professional writer of some sort. If that guy is getting paid to write, I'm in the wrong fuckin' business. He appears to have borrowed Matt Drudge's stupid hat to peddle cheesy little bon mots of one or two paragraphs, and has jokingly "outed" himself, while protesting that we're not sweating the big stuff enough.

Well, you know what, bub? You're fuckin'-A skippy on that one, as far as I'm concerned. I'd love nothing more than to hear the media start questioning exactly how North Korea got to this point on The Decider's estimable watch. (Beats the fuck out of watching them pester the Amish and sift through the peanuts in Denny Hastert's ass-gravy.) I'm sure it's all Clenis' fault somehow in their world, but the fact is that checkbook diplomacy kept NK's nuke program at least somewhat at bay. Since then, the Chimpco stick has done nothing but encourage further development, and now there's nothing short of an actual nuclear strike that we can do to dissuade them.

(And even then, payback's a loaded Taepodong each for Seoul and Tokyo, with some 30 million people living those metropolitan areas. It is not for nothing that this society is perceived as a do-or-die cult led by a delusionally messianic dim-bulb. North Korea, I mean. Not us, no never.)

So as Roy points out, there are several levels of cognitive dissonance at play with these weirdos. They awkwardly and too loudly proclaim that they loves them some sex, yet they have politically aligned themselves with people whose sexual mores trump their own common sense, and whose deepest thoughts on foreign policy are found in the Book of Revelation. As such, their pathetic flailing, trying to inject a virus of teh funny into a sordid tale of a predatory congressman and institutionalized hypocrisy (on the part of the gay aides as well as the fag-bashers they inexplicably keep working for), rings false, yet strikes the dog-whistle note the faithful have trained themselves to hear.

Passive-aggressive treatises on how they'd like to fuck Derek Jeter, hailing from heretofore moralizing scolds, does not wash, no matter how hard one squints. It's nothing more than cheap choir-preaching, and considering the congregation, will no doubt be successful.

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