Science Friction

Scientists are gettin' a mite cocky these days -- not only are they foolishly claiming that some chunk of arctic ice the size of Manhattan broke off the ice shelf somewhere up there where we should be drilling in the first place, but apparently a bunch of stupid polar bears are whining about their habitat as well.

The Bush Administration conceded yesterday that global warming is threatening the polar bear with extinction, the first time that it has singled out climate change as a grave threat to the Arctic and its most iconic inhabitant.

In a move that will have profound consequences not only for the polar bear but potentially for America’s polluting industries, the Administration declared last night that the polar bear should be added to its endangered species list because of the drastic melting of its habitat.

The move would trigger mandatory legal safeguards that could potentially force US industries to cut their carbon dioxide output.

Dirk Kempthorne, the Interior Secretary, said: “We are concerned the polar bear’s habitat may literally be melting.”

I do hope that Secretary Kempthorne makes sure to check in with Short Bus Senator #1 from Tornado Gulch Oklahoma, Jim "Global warmin' sighntists is jes' lahk Nazehs!" Inhofe about all this. I mean, who ya gonna believe, a buncha drownin' bears, or someone who is a distinguished legislator and environmental scholar -- in his own mind, anyway?

The bears will be better off if they just move to Tulsa and learn to drive Hummers. Short Bus Inhofe would call that little nugget o' Solomonic wisdom a win-win.


Nature's giant clowns divvying up a nice meal of Short Bus Inhofe Tartare. Hope they can digest seersucker sautéed in Hai Karate.