When In Doubt, I Whip It Out

It looks like Terrible Ted Nugent has once again upset those establishment squares, man, with his freaky takes on the American lifestyle.

Hours after Gov. Rick Perry kicked off his second full term in office, Ted Nugent helped him celebrate at a black-tie gala, but not all attendees were pleased by the rocker's performance.

Using machine guns as props, Nugent, 58, appeared onstage as the final act of the inaugural ball wearing a cutoff T-shirt emblazoned with the Confederate flag and shouting offensive remarks about non-English speakers, according to people who were in attendance.

Uh-huh. And? It's fuckin' Ted Nugent, ferchrissakes. What'd they think he was going to do, show up in a tuxedo and serenade the crowd with a lounge-lizard rendition of Wang Dang Sweet Poontang? Subtlety has never been the guy's strong suit, or any suit, for that matter.

But this comment from a bemused bystander is priceless, just for its sheer cluelessness:

"I think it was a horrible choice," GOP strategist Royal Masset said. "I hope nobody approved it."

Okay, let's backtrack for a second and read that one again, verrrrry slowly. What do you mean, you "hope nobody approved it"? Do musicians typically show up at the Texas Governor's Inaugural Ball from off the street, uninvited, to berate a captive, horrified audience? I mean, other than Kinky Friedman.

The only thing surprising about any of this is that apparently no one had a cell phone handy with which to capture the hijinks for YouTube posterity. Can't these yokels take a break from seducing their cousins to share a timeless viral video with the rest of the world? Who doesn't want to see a 60-year-old lunatic, wearing a confederate flag, brandishing a couple prop (one hopes) AR-15's, ranting about them durned Meskins?

I am disappointed, Texas. I thought everything was supposed to be bigger, even the secondhand buffoonery of washed-up chowderheads like Nugent.