Wanted: Fred Or Alive

This is what happens when conservatives try to be funny and/or invent new facts to confirm their political stances:

NASA says the Martian South Pole’s “ice cap” has been shrinking for three summers in a row. Maybe Mars got its fever from earth. If so, I guess Jupiter’s caught the same cold, because it’s warming up too, like Pluto.

This has led some people, not necessarily scientists, to wonder if Mars and Jupiter, non signatories to the Kyoto Treaty, are actually inhabited by alien SUV-driving industrialists who run their air-conditioning at 60 degrees and refuse to recycle.

Heh-indeedy. If only we could have every drowned polar bear carcass deposited on Fred's doorstep, or on the hood of his Suburban. Look, despite the valiant efforts of Phil Cooney to favorably edit the facts, the data's in, and the results are observable. The only question is what's to be done, which in Thompson's case is to slap together smartass retorts that don't even seem to have a point, much less a joke.

Which makes him a natural to continue hosting Paul Harvey's show, and I think his bumptious retrograde muse will serve him well on the campaign trail. It's looking to be quite the lineup for the Republicans next year. Time to stock up on popcorn, and maybe a dog-whistle/English dictionary.