Monday, June 11, 2007

Albanian Idolt

What happens when a noted furrin policy expert travels to a developing nation for to make glorious learnings? Well, hijinks, of course.

Evidence of Albania's love for the United States lined the road leading into this capital Sunday. U.S. and Albanian flags flew from lampposts. People wearing cardboard Uncle Sam hats milled in the streets. Oversize billboards and banners heralded the American president's visit.

....

But in this former communist nation, Bush was accorded a hero's welcome. He was awarded the Order of the Flag medal, the nation's highest honor. His visage is on a new line of commemorative postage stamps, and the street in front of the parliament building has been renamed in his honor.

....

Military cannons blasted a 21-gun salute as Bush's motorcade arrived at the Palace of Brigades, the 1930s-era building that was once the home of King Zog, who reigned before World War II. Later at a news conference, Albanian Prime Minister Sali Berisha hailed Bush as "the greatest and most distinguished guest we have ever had in all times."


And then Berisha presented him with the country's hyperinflated currency unit, a frying hen. While certainly a generous gesture, considering the chicken is equivalent to the average Albanian's weekly wages, it's not quite as good as the previous currency, which was a picture of Eliza Dushku.



From the demise of Communist dictator Enver Hoxha through the re-valuation of the currency in 2004, photos of American celebrities of Albanian descent were used as currency. By 2001, an Eliza Dushku (dushki in the native lingo) was worth 10 John Belushis (belushki), or roughly 375 Jim Belushis (jimski). It's a complicated system, made much simpler by the advent of the chicken currency, but seriously -- in 2002, you could buy a subdivision of tract houses outside Tirana with a ½" stack of dushki. Fuckin' A.

Anyway, so Fearless Leader has some momentous words to say about freedomatin' an' democratizin' an' libertatin' an' all that good stuff that everyone envies 'mareka fer. Pay attention here, 'cause he rilly rilly means it:

Responding to a reporter's question in Rome on Saturday, Bush had said a deadline should be set for a U.N. resolution on Kosovo's independence. "In terms of the deadline, there needs to be one," he said. "This needs to come -- this needs to happen."

Asked Sunday about when he would like that deadline set, Bush seemed flummoxed. "I don't think I called for a deadline," he said. Told that he had, Bush responded: "I did? What exactly did I say? I said, 'Deadline'? Okay, yes, then I meant what I said."


See, Harvard, the way it works is that you're not supposed to forget your tiresome boilerplate quote o' the day until after you've departed the corresponding country. I mean, when you can't even capably maintain the pretense of your bullshit that no one believes anyway, maybe it's time to just mosey back to the tumbleweed farm and start drinkin'. Yeah, it's definitely time.

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