Celebritardery

I haven't got enough time or effort in me to bother to truly "care" one way or the other about the daily incarceration status of Paris Hilton. I think it would be mildly interesting if she came out converted to Islam, or even just having a stray thought regarding something or someone outside her own creepy little circle of endless, stupid self-indulgence. But that's never going to happen, so who gives a shit?

Well, apparently this guy does, with hilarious results:

Many of Hilton's several dozen supporters outside the courthouse appeared devastated.

"No! No! No!" Jake Byrd of Chino screamed as a court spokesman delivered the news to reporters outside court.

And then he went home and made tender, yet passionate love to the life-size cardboard cutout of her he keeps under his bed. Seriously, son, get back on your meds, get something resembling a job, get a flesh-and-blood girlfriend, something for fuck's sake, you pathetic loser. Paris can afford to be useless; the other 99.99% of folks do not have that luxury, and life has a way of taking people like ol' Jake there, unscrewing their heads, and shitting down their necks.