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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Johnny Come Lately (Or Not At All)

Shorter Larry Craig (R-ManGravy):

Oh, like none of you have ever tried to drop a deuce and accidentally brushed feet with the guy in the adjoining stall, and then swiped the bottom of the stall divider. Heh. I mean, really. Where I come from, it happens all the time. And there's nothin' gay about it.


Really, pal, you're protesting a bit much. It's over, you're done. Quit trying to explain to people the very special way you take a dump, and just, erm, come clean. It's insulting at this point; you're a step away from parsing "is", and beyond that lies the impenetrable thicket of Abu Gonzales' jabberwockyisms. Either walk away from it, or tell your family-values critics to just go fuck themselves already.

This stuff will never ever stop being funny, especially since there seems to always be yet another "conservative" just a couple weeks away from being outed. It's only a matter of time before Huckleberry Graham or Tallulah McConnell accidentally drops his subscription copy of International Leatherman (with, you know, bent pages) out of its procedural manual hiding place during a Senate floor debate.

And curiously (or perhaps not), what few conservabloggers I can bring myself to skim occasionally all seem to taking the same tack on this, that Craig's apostasy on the immigration issue makes him ripe for replacement anyway. The current lurid revelations just make it fortuitously easier to replace him, as far as they're concerned. They save the effete gay-baiting for the dhimmicrats, y'know, the better to launder their hypocrisies with contrivances of policy.

It's the sort of half-witted rhetorical legerdelame one would ordinarily expect to find in a one-handed juggler, where any random applause or mumbles of approval are more out of pity than genuine encouragement (or in the case of the conservatwerps, like-minded trained seals ark-arking in unison, as well as balancing beach balls on their noses). As with matters of war, or indeed any truly serious issues, in their fervid rallying cries they don't get that while their base points of "Situation X sucks and something must be done" are essentially correct, none of their proposed solutions are ever coherent, much less realistic.

It might actually be more productive in the long run to encourage their foolish rambunctions. At the very least, it would keep most of them from running for office. Let them keep their pretenses of responsibility in their virtual voting districts; there's no harm in letting them be the mayor of Stupidtown, especially since it seems to be an endlessly rotating position.

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