Sunday, May 09, 2010

Milf Does a Body Good

Here's a heartwarmer for all you Mother's Day aficionados out there:

Over at Momlogic.com a story reports that a dating Web site for married people has its second-busiest day for female member sign-ups on the day after Mother's Day. (The day after Valentine's Day is the busiest.)


So many things so profoundly wrong with just that introductory paragraph. A "dating Web site for married people"? What the hell? That's just lovely. Second, the two busiest sign-up days on this site are the day after Valentine's Day and the day after Mother's Day? I assume that's just a stop-gap whilst these broads head down to their local watering hole to surreptitiously pocket their wedding ring and look for a handy pole to smoke.

Flying Spaghetti Monster knows I met my (and probably your) share of these women in my early twenties, not then realizing they weren't actually single. Bored thirtyish milfs tired of their paunchy husbands' half-hearted attempts at sex were, as they say, in my wheelhouse, long before "milf" was even a word. That's not bragging so much as a warning, guys -- throw your back into it. Always. Do it like you mean it. Surprise them with a new move once in a while. And foreplay -- it's not a golf term.

Not that, say, Tiger Woods or Jesse James have exactly set the bar high for us men when it comes to basic honesty and morality. Fucking everything that moves is one thing when you're 22 years old and have no commitments; it ain't even remotely cool when you're in your mid-thirties, are married, and have children. It's time to grow the hell up.

As the woman in the final paragraph says, in a good marriage, partners spoil each other whenever they can, they don't wait for florists and greeting-card manufacturers to tell them when they should. So if you have somebody you love, or even like, be nice to them today, tomorrow, as often as possible, and count your blessings that you aren't stuck with one of these narcissistic dingbats -- or even worse, Tiger Woods.

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