Lucy in the Sky with Footballs

You know, I can admit to a second or two after John McCain's brain cancer diagnosis where it would almost have been tempting to post some nice, ecumenical, utterly meaningless pap about his sacrifice and how we can all come together and hope he "gets well soon" or whatever. And then reality crept back in, and all the memories of McCain's shameless, self-serving opportunism, concealed under the idiotic media-perpetuated rubric of "maverick" came back.

John McCain is a maverick the way Fuckface von Clownstick is a good bidnessman, which is roughly the same extent to which I'm the starting power forward for the Golden State Warriors. I mean, give me a fucking break. McCain's legend, which he ignominiously added to yesterday, is that of the tough "straight talker" tellin' those rascally DC types the hard truths they need to hear.

And again, yesterday was a prime example of this all-talk-no-walk ethos McCain has always embodied in his political career. He had a prime opportunity to walk that talk, once and for all -- fresh into another six-year term, turning 81 in a few weeks, and being diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer, McCain literally had nothing to lose by sticking to his so-called principles. He could quite easily have gone into the Senate chambers, and cornholed that toxic fuckhead McConnell but good, with his non-existent bill. Or he could have just stayed home. Dude has brain cancer and just had eye surgery, and he owes nothing to a guy who taunted his years of torture in Vietnam. The GOP base despises McCain anyway. People would have understood him sitting this one out.

Instead, McCain found a way to be even more cynical than the cynics, pulling some second-rate Aaron Sorkin "bipartisanship" horseshit out of his ass, as if his worthless excuse of a party has ever made an honest effort to work on the ACA, as if the Democrats are just supposed to go along with whatever Princess Snowflake rage-tweets during any given morning dump.

Speaking of which, McCain did essentially the same goddamned thing today, vocally repudiating Snowflake's call to expel transgender military personnel -- except, of course, McCain lobbied forcefully against allowing transgenders into the military in the first place. You can put your next ten paychecks down that should anything on this come up for a Senate vote, McCain will pull yet another hidebound more-in-sorrow-than-anger bromide out of his worthless ass, and then go on ahead and side with his party. Every fucking time. The man is about as rebellious as Pat Boone.

A real rebel would have at least verbally tuned up the vile, hypocritical machinations of the so-called Senate leader, Addison "Mitch the Bitch" McConnell, who has made it a point of pride to devolve into the absolute scummiest operator in the Senate in at least a generation. McCain makes some empty noises and goes along with the party line.

What's even worse, though, is how the legend persists among the putatively liberal media dipshits. Last night on MSNBC (I know, I know) Lawrence O'Donnell and then Brian Williams fell all over themselves with the Poor Ol' Straight Talk encomia, refusing to recognize McCain's usual cynical rhetoric for what it's always been -- a cheap tactic to conceal his routinely party-line actions and votes. McCain has always gotten a break from the media because he's accessible and quick with a funny retort, but when push comes to shove, they never hold him accountable, and never have.

I've seen a lot of folks on the internets wish McCain a swift and painful death lately, things like that. I understand the rage, even if I don't quite agree with it. Seems like it would be a much more fitting punishment for McCain to live another twenty years -- under whatever health-care "plan" he and the rest of the shameless scumbags in his party finally settle on.