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Monday, August 24, 2020

The Harder They Come, The Bigger They Falwell

I don't think anyone is surprised or even gives a shit that the Falwells are swingers. It ain't my thing, but I get that among some consenting adults, it is a thing. More power to them. Judging them on the mores and merits of "conventional" sexual expression is a waste of time.

As Hank Kingsley memorably put it many years ago, sex is not dirty, it's a caring act between two or more consenting adults. (Although it should be noted that Giancarlo Granda was only twenty years old when the affair started, the Falwells twenty-five to thirty years older and in an economically advantageous role, so make of that what you will. Probably nothing sinister to it, but for people who observe various power dynamics, there's one.)

However, judging Jerry Falwell Junior on the inherent hypocrisies of his lifelong monetized grift is encouraged. I do hope all the saps who attended "Liberty" "University" and their parents can appreciate what cannot have been a small investment for them. The entire point of keeping these homeschooled naifs sequestered from the evils of modern society as long as possible is precisely to avoid the sort of worldly shenanigans the Falwells enjoyed with their pool boy.

But these Nelson Muntz "haw haw" moments are frequent and fleeting, and all too human. The only thing that makes this at all interesting is this sneaking suspicion that there's a lot more to the story, and it involves money and/or sex. Junior's recent forced resignation from his legacy cash cow is somebody trying to get out in front of something bigger.

The kid is likely blackmailing them over something, and it's more than just Junior spanking his hapless monkey while the kid went to town on Mrs. Junior. It either rhymes with "money laundering" and/or "tax fraud," and/or Junior was more than just a passive observer.

Pro-tip:  If you're a high-profile couple in a very exclusive cultural niche that might take issue with your private life, it might not be a great idea to get involved in business deals with your bull. Similar to the principles of separation of church and state, or religion and science, but in this case, ah, two somewhat more volatile elements that should not have been mixed.

Regardless, there is a momentary chuckle in seeing one of these smugly judgmental assholes get hoist on their own petard. Not as hilarious as Franklin Graham's fetish for leather-clad garden gnomes, but close. These are not your neighbors minding their own business -- these are professional pecksniffs, minding everyone's business and getting paid well (tax-free) for it, and exerting political influence over other people's lives. So they deserve to get dragged through the damned mud for this.

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