Colon Cancel, Slight Return

It's been a while since we took a run at 'murka's favorite fake music guy, so here ya go:  Fuck Kanye West, not even for whatever his political pose might be this week, but because he is what he's always been --  a no-talent braggart who, like his fat orange buddy, has spent enough time in a bubble surrounded by toadies and sycophants to convince himself that he is, in fact, the chosen one.

Musically, he's a thief and a cheap pasticheur; lyrically he's a joke even for that genre. He couldn't write a thoughtful lyric, or pluck anything resembling a tune on a one-stringed instrument if you forced him at gunpoint. But he's about as full of himself as Michael Jackson ever was, and for much less reason, though Jacko was long past his prime before we even hit this wondrous new millennium.

And yet Kanye refuses to do the right thing and take his fat tax refund and just fuck off already. Can we set up a fund to, I don't know, pay his wife to distract him with hourly blowjobs until he passes out from exhaustion?

I'm a Loser, Baby, So Why Don't You Kill Me

Listening to the new Tool album (possibly a review in a couple days), strolling about on the internets, this little gem over at Balloon Juice becomes more and more interesting the more I look at the two sad sacks in the photo from Sam Bishop's Twitter feed. Definitely click on the photo to embiggen. Be thankful that at least you know these two aren't able to contribute to the gene pool, since no woman in her right mind would fuck either of them on a dare.

But they are genuinely fascinating, and not just in the you know, guys, technically 'incel' is not exactly the same as 'straight', right? sense. I mean, they took some time to get the look down and then "travel" (as opposed to drive) eight hours....to do that for several more hours. (Maybe they traveled first and then got the get-up on. Same amount of time, different sequence of events.)

It makes me think of all the simple life-changing (for them) activities they could have enjoyed on this nice holiday weekend:

• Get a cheap guitar at a pawnshop and learn a few basic chords.
• Read a book that isn't about a comic-book character.
• Do a few sit-ups. Seriously, these guys look like a massive wad of chewed bubble gum, like all they do is jerk off and eat powdered donuts.
• Go outside and toss a ball around for a while. Fresh air and sunshine works wonders.
• Put a nice steak or some chicken on the barbecue. Burgers, hot dogs, whatever. Even public parks have grills. Crack open a beer. The first sip of beer -- even cheap beer -- on a summer afternoon is glorious, life-affirming. Smell the meat sizzling on the grill. Breathe in the day and just look around. Put your damned phone away for a few minutes.
• Talk to a female -- like, a living, breathing, right-there-in-front-of-you woman. They're pretty cool in 3D. True story. Don't worry about what to say to her. Hey, how's it going? Beautiful afternoon, right? We're just cueing up a few burgers, having a beer, tossing the ball. How 'bout them [random NFL team], ready for the new season? Don't overthink it, and don't talk about your fucking Sargon of Akkad throw pillow, or the collection of stray cat skulls you have in your parents' basement.

Whether Dumb and Dumber got to the (ahem) Straight Pride Parade via Greyhound or the Mom-mobile, the fact is that all of the above would have cost the same or less, and been far more productive in being, you know, a functioning human being, rather than a hopeless loser. I don't know who the hell these weirdos think they're pwning. I mean, I kinda feel sorry for them, that their parents clearly don't care enough to point these basic things out.

More seriously, bearing in mind the "all poodles are dogs, but not all dogs are poodles" principle, this is exactly the sort of person who, given opportunity and proximity to firearms and/or pharmaceuticals, eventually snaps after realizing what his life really is one too many times. Slaps on the Kek facepaint and the rainbow wig one last time and goes all It on the nearest Walmart, only with dad's Bushmaster and a high-capacity drum.

I don't know what, if anything, can "be done" about these guys, you know, preventively. Part of it depends on how old they are, which admittedly is difficult to tell from the costumes. Maybe they're young, in high school or just out, seventeen to twenty-one, in which case, good chance they'll grow out of it the second they figure out that real live women are way better than throw pillows and porn.

If they're more like twenty-five, give or take, it may be more contingent on what their job prospects are, if they have the drive to improve their skill set and get the fuck out of whatever hick town they're festering in. If they're thirty or older, you better watch out for them, especially if you're female.

I mean, there's a solid chance guys like this snap earlier than that; the Dayton and El Paso and Gilroy shooters weren't even old enough to legally drink, none of them. But common sense should tell you everything you need to know if you encounter someone like that who is past a certain age. Anyone who's thirty years or older and doing what those guys in the photo are doing, their whole life is a fucking cry for help, guaranteed.

Seriously, it's Labor Day weekend; it's gotta be hot under a clown costume, rainbow wig, and face paint. That's dedication, well past the usual point of hurr, just kidding, ironic memes you guys! these schmucks usually troll with. There's a pathology at work there, and it's not just the surface gay-bashing nonsense that is ostensibly the focus of the gathering.

People with options and opportunities and normal modes of social interaction don't do this sort of shit, obviously. Whether a light bulb goes on for some of them, or they're able to meet someone that they trust who can lead them away from this self-immolation with like-minded weirdos, hopefully at least some of them find their way out of what must be a bewildering, exhausting way to live.

I know how it is to feel like a dork in high school, liking girls but not really knowing how to talk to them, you know, like that. It takes some work to figure it out, but once you do, it's a snap. It's not that creepy "pickup artist" shit either, where pathetic assholes trick the incel dopes into thinking you can "get" women to do "whatever you want" like life is a porn movie.

You want to know the trick? Here it is, free of charge:  listen. Converse, be engaged, let her talk, be responsive. Don't do a data dump and tell her your life story on the first date. Don't be a creep and leer at her tits. Seriously, it's not that complicated. If you listen and she likes you, she will let you know pretty quickly if she's interested. And if not, it shouldn't be a problem to just move on, since you now know the trick, which is not really a trick.

Figuring out that little basic fact of life made my late teens and early-mid twenties fun, like unbelievably fun. And no, I don't just mean getting laid, though that's certainly part of it. But the back-and-forth of interpersonal contact, with your crew of male friends, as well as with women, is something that cannot be replicated with social media. As amusing as the gadgets of the current age are, it was something of a blessing to not have all those toys to fall back on at the time, to be forced in a sense to learn real social skills, because there wasn't much else to do otherwise.

And it seems like more and more people, especially young men, are reaching the age of "maturity" without understanding that very important difference, between the snarky memes and inside jokes of the virtual world, and the consequences of deploying that stuff on real live people right in front of you. They don't know quite how to operate as comfortably in meatspace, and so they retreat further into their weird little virtual worlds, where they are always right and mighty, and no one gives them weird looks and asks them what the fuck is up with the throw pillow.

If I was to tell those guys anything, rather than sweating the intricacies of "straight pride" or whatever bullshit they're masking their insecurities with this weekend, I'd tell them that, how fun life can really be when you're that age and the whole world is still out there waiting for you to engage with it, if you have the guts to meet it halfway. I literally cannot imagine ever wasting a holiday weekend traveling eight hours to dress up like an asshole and make a fool out of yourself, and I once saw Poison in concert. Someone should let them know that it really doesn't have to be that way, not even close.

Failsons of Minarchy

There should be a caption/fanfic contest for this pic:

We'll throw in a few easy ones to get the party started:

• So that's what a muscle feels like!
• He said he'd let me borrow the ass-less chaps.
• If we're pulling a train, does that make me the engine or the caboose?

So what bikes do these realest of 'murkins have to ride, now that His Travesty has expressed his immense displeasure with Hardly-Dangerous? Seriously, did you ever think you'd live to see a public official in high office openly call for a boycott against a private business that crossed him? It'll be interesting to see just how much more winning these saps can take.

I don't think they've had quite enough snapped off in their asses just yet. Another quarter or two oughta do it for some of them; unemployment benefits run out quickly, especially in this wondrous worker's paradise where the unemployment rate is nominally 3.9% (Fake Numbers!), yet real wages are as stagnant as ever.

But yeah, this "Bikers for Clownstick" thing is just too much, as is that "I'm so turned on by all this lea-thurrrr" duckface. Not that there's a danger of some Nochni Volki scenario; these fake rebels either are card-carrying bozos who can't put their fingers together in the dark without a flashlight, or they're suburban assholes with jobs and mortgages and car payments who can't afford to lose their place in the swinger block parties with some weird mayhem-related charge.

The Integrity Pose

It's hard to decide whose Last Honest Man pose is more tiresome, James Comey or John Kasich. They're both fucking terrible, and only in comparison with a serious dirtbag like Brad Parscale does Kasich's mewling bullshit come out as even slightly less obnoxious.

Troll Playing

Like most other self-styled conservatard "thinkers," Kevin Williamson is more concerned about being a "provocateur" than actually saying something. I probably fail more than I succeed, but the goals of any writer -- especially an opinion writer -- should be clarity and organization. By the end of any opinion piece, the reader should have a very clear idea of the specifics of the writer's opinion on the subject. Otherwise, what's the point?

So we have a general idea by now that Williamson is anti-abortion. Fair enough. As a basic rule of principle, if you are calling for the criminalization for something that is currently legal, you should at least be able to provide some level of detail as to the punishment for engaging in this (again, currently legal) activity. This is especially true for something as culturally volatile as abortion.

(Gun rights would be another -- for example, it turns out that the father of Waffle House shooter Travis Reinking gave him back his weapons after they were confiscated at the White House last summer. Unfortunately, that does not break any current laws, but if you were to pass a law prohibiting that, what should the penalty be? Should it be open-ended and connected to whatever the person you know is mentally unstable does with the weapons you give him, and prosecuted accordingly? Discuss.)

But given his already problematic history of saying "provocative" things on the subject, Williamson has a particular responsibility to clarify his earlier musings. He's had plenty of opportunity to do so, and yet he keeps playing this stupid game.

On tonight's episode of The Jim Jefferies Show, he goes to Ireland to discuss that country's draconian abortion policies, and chats for a few minutes with a virulently anti-abortion politician. To his small credit, the politician actually answers the "penalty question" quite specifically:  fourteen years in prison for the mother, death for the doctor. Okay then. For better or worse, a voter can actually make an informed decision with that.

Kevin Williamson, despite repeated entreaties, seems to think that the penalty question is just a cheap librul ruse. But it's central to the very question of repealing Roe v. Wade. Either you believe abortion should be legal (possibly with certain constraints), or you believe it should be a criminal offense. Given the pro-life movement's consistently strident rhetoric about it being murder, it's a fair question to ask whether they mean that literally, and would prosecute it as such if they got their way.

The fact that Williamson bleats that it's an unfair question, and resists every opportunity to clarify his previous published writings on the subject (right up to the end where he offers to write a paid article) reveals what everyone already knew about him, and the endless supply of "conservative" writers like him -- they talk a good game about first principles, but in the end, they're all just hacks and trolls. Under the bridge is where the money is.

Flake Factor

No doubt Bob Corker and Jeff Flake want some sort of medal for speaking Truth To Power Incompetence, in retiring relatively young to find a mountaintop and contemplate their supreme integrity join or start a lobbying firm. The worst part about insufferable twats like those two is that they think they're being respectable statesman, that they're actually doing something purely out of love for country.

You don't even need to fire up the olfactory lobe of your brain to be able to smell that bullshit from miles away. I suspect there is a core of sincerity in their plaints; they really do not like Emperor Snowflake, and are sick of his endless schoolyard twittering.

But at the same time, one might suggest that if Corker and Flake were truly concerned about the country, and the direction the raging man-child is taking things, they could, I don't know, switch parties and stay in the fight? An imperfect solution to be sure, but what sort of idiot thinks they'll be more effective on the sidelines, at most lobbing the occasional rhetorical appetizer in the Times or the Post, than hanging in and helping the loyal opposition?

These guys are assholes, through and through. Hopefully Flake and Corker will spend their remaining time in the Senate making Snowflake as miserable as possible, but up to now, they've been 95% in his pocket -- they voted for all the health-care shenanigans; they voted for Gorsuch's stolen SCOTUS seat; they voted to confirm all of his dangerously inept cabinet weasels.

Now Flake and Corker claim to be tired of the nastiness and bullshit emanating from the toxic turd stinking up the White House, and their solution is to walk away and leave their seats open to true fanatics like Kelli Ward and Marsha Blackburn. Hell, with friends like that, who needs enemas?

Bad Liberal

I get what Ed's saying about manipulative stories like these, but at the same time, it's very difficult to read them and not get frustrated. I've seen this stuff before, and have talked to social services workers who can attest first-hand that multigenerational families can and do learn how to work the system, and pass it on to the next generation. It is a mistake to simply fixate on the meager amounts provided by this or that program, because of the gray and black economies that exist in such communities (again, seen it first-hand).

Look, I'm not going to claim to be the Keeper of the Secrets to Success, but -- and this is just a thought -- maybe stop hoarding animals and having kids and living on fast food. Put down the cheeseburger and take a walk around the block once in a while. Hell, maybe go on down to the free public library and find a nice book to read, and then another, and then another. All of those things tend to impact the ol' bottom line financially. This is perhaps even more essential if you (for example) have an IQ of 75 and are therefore barely able to take care of yourself, incapable of even helping to manage a household.

But the adult daughter has four kids and counting; where is/are the father(s), and his/their financial contribution? Why can't the state offer her a financial incentive to get her tubes tied, instead of being forced to pay for more future wards of the state? Is it possible, just remotely, to give these kids something other than ramen noodles and ice cream and video games, and then wonder why they're bouncing off the fucking walls? Could the time wasted on holy-roller nonsense be spent any more productively, any way at all? If there's a common thread to these types of articles, it's that the subjects never have any ambition or vision for actually bettering their lives; their only goal is to make sure their benefits aren't getting cut.

This is what conservative think-tank weasels are talking about when they prattle on about the "culture of dependency," except, well, you know....

Most social services programs are designed to help the less fortunate get over the inevitable hump in life, and move forward. For people whose entire lives are one interminable, multigenerational hump, what can you tell them? This is less about the terrible coincidence of being disabled four generations in a row, and more about knowing how to apply for disability benefits, and passing that knowledge along to the next generation. The rest of the world is simply expected to endlessly subsidize lifetimes of poor decision-making and impulse control. There are at least six people in that house, and not one of them will ever hold a fucking job.

The anecdote in the beginning of the article about one of the kids dropping the puppy on its head, while they all stand around and wonder durrr, let's give it human medication says it all. It makes sense that they named it "Miracle," because it'll be a goddamned miracle if that dog is still alive in another year. It's a good thing the article at least didn't bother with which way the "matriarch" voted, if she voted at all, because it really doesn't matter.

Again, Ed's point that the increase in SSI and disability cases largely due to broke-ass states trying to shift fiscal responsibility on to the feds is 100% correct. But that doesn't mitigate the facts about the family in that Post article, that while there may be some cherry-picking to some extent, I have seen worse cases in the news in California.

The people who work in the programs sincerely want to help people in need. But there are few things more frustrating than having someone come in with the greatest reluctance just to get some job-seeking assistance, maybe a month of food assistance to get them over that hump to the next job, and only being able to give them bare minimum; and then having to deal with someone who is on the third or fourth generation of being on the dole, has no intent of looking for any sort of job, has no larger goals for themselves or their family, and in fact seems almost to deliberately sabotage every one of their life decisions, expecting someone else to step in and clean up the mess.

It would be easier to find compassion for Kathy Strait and her family if they did anything, anything at all, to improve their lot in life, and at least give those kids a fighting chance. But short of injecting them in the neck with speedballs, I'm not sure how they could fuck this up any worse.

Safe Spaces

Usually picking on Rod Flanders Dreher is Edroso's schtick, so I leave it be, since I know my limitations. But here I find myself actually agreeing with Dreher. This is nonsense all the way down; if I had a kid in college pulling this shit, I'd be heading up there to put them up against a wall and ask politely what the fuck I was paying for.

Look, the civil rights struggles that ruptured this country meant something profound, and still resonate to this day. We see it in (to cite just one example) Mitch Landrieu's efforts to remove confederate monuments and relegate them to the museums where they belong. Slavery was and is a stain on this nation's soul, and some people amazingly remain unwilling to help cleanse that stain, or even to simply acknowledge that it's still there.

But this SJW trigger-warning intersectional bullshit simply debases the genuinely righteous causes people actually fought and were murdered for. I hate trolls as much as the next person, though probably not as much as the trolls hate themselves. But it's this niche nonsense and histrionic, overt sensitivity to mild-to-moderate slights that has automatically set a broad spectrum of people resolutely against them.

It is more than merely political; it is the sense that these hysterical cunts couldn't possibly be relied upon to even maintain the practical, logistical system we will leave to them at some future point. I wouldn't want to drive a car manufactured by one of these assholes, much less on a road made by one of them. They'd have to make sure the asphalt wasn't cis-gendered. It is very difficult to believe that one of these snowflakes could become competent in a practical skill needed by another human being. I can muddle my own artisanal mojitos, thank you very little.

I have no idea why these individuals chose to go to college, either for the greater employability granted by credentialism, or the broadening of the proverbial horizons of knowledge and experience. Used to be you could just tell objectionable people to go fuck themselves, and go on about your business, maybe expect to encounter them here and there and deal accordingly. Mostly this is just sad; these douchebags are in for a rude awakening when they find out that no real-world business will hire them for anything, because they can't do anything.

The Best People

Barely eighty days in, and Sean Spicer's best excuse might be to claim that he's retarded. Then again, these are the people who could literally fuck up an Easter egg roll, so Spicer really is the perfect PR flack for them. It would not make sense if Spicer happened to stumble across any core competency on his sordid journey through what passes for his life.

And hey, when they bounce his worthless ass to cover up for other (ahem) shortcomings, they can just demote him for that upcoming special day.

Fake Boss

And the hits keep coming. They can't even be bothered to get an actual cake. The sword is a nice touch as well. One day in and these fucktards are already impossible to parody.

Lolwut, Piers Morgan Edition

I mean, I'm no expert on sexuality or masculinity or such like, but I've always just assumed that once Piers Morgan gets behind closed doors, he puts on women's clothes and spends hours in front of a full-length mirror talking about what a "fancy girl" he is. Feminists didn't take his masculinity so much as nature did when he was still in his mama's womb.

 

Job Qualification

It's interesting to see just how indignant some media folks are over Matt Lauer's passive, enabling "candidate forum" the other night. It's as if they expected some other -- any other -- outcome from having a morning-show hack from a key corporate media monopoly "interview" a reality-teevee actor from one of that same network's shows from the past decade. Did anyone expect anything other than inept softballs?

I mean, yes, Lauer is certainly welcome to fuck off and die; that shitshow the other night was just a ramped-up continuation of what Lauer has done his entire career, which is to hurt America. And now that hurt is on the verge of becoming quite literal. Not that it hurts Lauer, of course; he makes more money in a year than you and I will see in our entire lives. The only thing that would hurt him is if he lost his elite status.

People who fancy themselves as media-watchers, implying that they are savvy to what the corporate media minions are really all about, miss the point by a mile when they start trying to suss out the political preferences of this or that reporter. I have no idea whether Lauer considers himself liberal or conservative, Republican or Democrat. Probably votes Democrat more often than not, maybe even fancies himself a good and generous citizen by contributing to the Clinton Foundation, if properly invited to the appropriate appletini soiree in the Hamptons. Whatever. Such considerations are irrelevant.

Punchy the Whale

Seems like it's been a while since fat Mexican George Zimmerman has been in the news for something stupid, so it's good to be reminded that he's still kicking after all. At least until Herr Drumpfski's Deportation Task Farce makes an assumption and dumps his ass in some random Central American craphole.

Rando Grammo

Look, even people who are skilled with the rules and conventions of language will acknowledge that "grammar nazis" are, for the most part, insufferable twats. This does not absolve the gaggle of maroons who think they are above having to learn what are, if one is passably literate and reads or writes with any frequency, mostly simple and consistent rules. Even English, which has more irregularities than most other major Indo-European languages, has plenty of consistent rules that are easily internalized with, again, regular infusions of these things called books.

Plumb the Joker

If the media weasels are still wondering why so many folks across the political spectrum loathe and lampoon them, I humbly submit Exhibits A-Z:

"Joe the Plumber,” the Ohio workingman who came to symbolize U.S. taxpayer frustration in the 2008 presidential election, is still angry. And like many angry voters, he likes insurgent Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump — in part because the New York billionaire dated attractive women.

“He's a winner. He's made billions. He's dated beautiful women. His wife is a model. That's not to sniff at. And a lot of people believe he can bring that kind of success to the White House,” said Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, 42, who shot to prominence during the 2008 campaign after then-Republican nominee John McCain seized on a confrontation Wurzelbacher had with then-Democratic candidate Barack Obama.

Sitting in his Ohio house, a Ruger handgun on a table next to him, Wurzelbacher told Reuters he has yet to decide who to support but says he understands why so many people are drawn to the caustic Trump, a real-estate developer and former reality TV show host, and is unhappy with the Republican Party establishment lining up against him.

He said Trump's position as an insurgent candidate who is willing to defy party leaders was a more important reason to vote for him than his wealth and the model-looks of his wife Melania. But he said he believed other voters were drawn to his larger-than-life image and glamorous lifestyle.

Random Observations From Tonight's GOP Debate

Watching debates from either party is only possible with alcohol, and fortunately (or not) I stocked up for the weekend. Even so, I only hung in for blessedly brief portions, which were quite enough to get a feel for things.

All smackdown aside, this really is a fucked-up crew of moral degenerates, for the most part. When John Kasich and John Ellis Bush are the least objectionable contestants on your little game show, you know you have a problem.

Corn Pwned

There are many tedious rituals in 'murka's interminable campaign process, but one of the worst is this weird insistence that some inbred shithead small state possesses some sort of intrinsic wisdom that us city slickers (I say this from a town in California that has fewer than 8,000 inhabitants, in a county with fewer than 30,000 people, and not even a movie theater) jest cain't reckon.

People who classify themselves as "traditionalists" tend to hew to the idea that just because something has been done in a certain way for a certain amount of time, it should continue to be that way. Slavery was one such tradition; subjugating women was another. I wouldn't say that having states like Iowa and New Hampshire have first call at anointing national politicians is as ethically abhorrent as those things, but it is certainly at least as counter-productive.

This is a no-win situation for those states, quite frankly. There are only two lines of defense -- Iowa's miserable track record at picking eventual nominees either makes the process a harmless, anodyne event, or it renders its considered collective opinion completely useless. So why not just set up a rotating schedule throughout all states, large and small?

While most of us may not have traveled around the world, visiting every country and culture, I would guess that most of us have traveled at least some. I wouldn't say I'm well-traveled by any means, but I've been through half of the U.S., half of Europe, and parts of Canada and Mexico -- enough to know, like most people who have traveled far more also know, that once you get past the cultural bullshit, people are basically people. They mostly want the same things:  a decent living for themselves, a future for their families, a community that provides opportunities for prosperity, freedom to live their lives more or less how they please.

There is nothing special about a small rural state, nor a large urban city. Again, the individuals in both of those locales want essentially the same things out of life, even if they self-actualize those desires differently. The only real, measurable socioeconomic differences mostly have to do with the levels of education, which in turn center around people with degrees leaving for the cities, where the money is.

Many people in rural communities are simply stuck there in lives of inertia and clutter, but there are also some very intelligent people in those areas. Unfortunately, most of those smart folks are retirees who moved out to the sticks to save a buck and get away from the crime and assholes. So they can help and skew the IQ curve, but not much and not for long.

The point is that, despite our cultural reverse pretensions, there is nothing particularly special about these areas at all. It is merely a fiction perpetrated by the corporate media, as part of their endless PR arm to simultaneously guilt-trip white urban liberals, and falsely empower aggrieved rural conservatives, who apparently are unable to count, or they would have noticed by now that no one with any real brains or ambition wants to live in Cooter's fucking Gulch anymore.

It doesn't matter that Iowa Republitards are jacking off to Ben Carson this week, when they were spanking it to Trump a month ago, and Michelle Bachmann a few years ago. They should know by now, just by the empirically verifiable and consistent results, that no one gives a red-hot monkey-fuck what they think. But for some reason we persist with this odd fiction that Iowans "should" continue to have first opportunity to kick the tires on potential leaders.

Guns 'n' Poses

While most of the media oxygen regarding gun violence tends to get sucked out on whatever mass-shooting horror of the week is getting visited upon [pick one:  students/shoppers/family members/neighbors/friends/random bystanders] this time, we shouldn't ignore the incidents of toxic stupidity with firearms that may not even kill anyone, but should at least make folks think about some of the maroons that are allowed to pack heat.

The latest and greatest is this dumb cow in Michigan who shot up a Home Depot parking lot trying to "help" HD security chase down a shoplifter. For some reason the dumb cow has not yet been identified in any of the media reports I've seen, so we'll just keep referring to her as "dumb cow" or "DC." Now, it seems that DC may not even be charged with any crime or infraction. This seems preposterous, yet completely predictable in our gun-culture climate.

Fortunately for DC, she did not hurt anyone. Lucky break for her; I doubt if I'm alone in saying that had my family or I been hit by her stray stupidity while walking across the parking lot, I'd have sued every loose dime out of her. And if she didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, I'd make sure she at least couldn't afford a gun.

Sometimes the worst punishment is to have to explain one's stupidity. DC's punishment should be to have to come forward and tell the class what the hell she was thinking. Part of the problem with our entertainment culture of revenge porn and violent retribution is that it encourages this weird fantasy life where you end up with all these would be Walter Mittys and their projectile-spewing metal penises, always getting the Bad Guy, always Saving The Day. It's unusual for women to fall for this Everyman Action Hero nonsense, but there are female morons too.

Moral Majority

Another day, another hypocritical "values" asshole with his dick caught in some strange:

Federal and state officials are calling for a Michigan lawmaker to resign after it emerged on Friday that he used his taxpayer-funded office to launch a smear campaign against himself, claiming that he had been caught having sex with a male prostitute.

In audio recordings obtained by the Detroit News, Representative Todd Courser was heard asking a now-fired aide to email Republican activists with the false report, in an attempt to distract from an alleged affair with another social conservative, state Representative Cindy Gamrat.

....

Neither Courser, a married father of four, nor Gamrat, a married mother of three, directly confirmed or denied having a sexual relationship during the recorded conversations. But they also didn’t dispute Graham’s characterization of their relationship as an extramarital affair, the newspaper reported.

Courser said the email he wanted Graham to send would “inoculate the herd” – an apparent reference to his and Gamrat’s supporters.

I'm not sure why he would go to so much trouble to cover up his misbehavior. It's not like these "values voters" morons actually mean what they say. How do you think that shithead Scott DesJarlais keeps getting re-elected?

US Representative Candice Miller issued a statement on Friday, calling for his immediate resignation. “This behavior is a slap in the face, especially from someone who presents himself as a moralist.”

Liberal advocacy organizations also jumped into the fray, with one saying the pair violated their oath of office. And the whirlwind of a story that involves two social conservatives who consistently cite their religious beliefs – Courser has a penchant for penning verbose manifestos on state issues, and occasionally signs off with “In Christ Alone” – didn’t emerge without a joke from across the aisle.

State senator David Knezek, a Democrat, tweeted: “On the phone since 3am trying to find out which of my gay friends ruined these two traditional marriages. No leads.”

Courser and Gamrat are known for their strenuous opposition to same-sex marriage. In June, Courser introduced a bill to prohibit municipal officials from officiating marriages. Writing on the bill, he said: “Our elected officials could be forced to perform same sex marriages” if the US supreme court overturned Michigan’s ban.

Yup, same as it ever was.

The Dogs of Bore

Jesus H. Christ, this is still a thing? I suppose the fact that "competitive eating" never really took off as a true professional sport (in that a significant number of people could make a decent living solely from that) is somewhat reassuring, as is the rather obvious fact that these bozos are doing substantial damage to their gastrointestinal systems.

The dopier pro-wrestling style antics have been played up in the Nathan's competition in recent years, perhaps to overshadow the possibility that there really isn't enough prize money unless you're some sort of weirdo living in mom's basement rent-free. How'd you like to be the one trying to sell your parents on this particular path to greatness?

Here's the thing about sports:  they generally involve people routinely performing feats of athletic prowess that most people cannot do, because of levels of physical conditioning. But anyone can eat several dozen hot dogs in a short amount of time, if they choose to spend weeks or months beforehand "practicing," dunking them in glasses of water to facilitate sliding down the gullet, and drinking enormous amounts of water before and after (risking water intoxication) in order to artificially distend the stomach and intestines. Not exactly the regimen of dieting, lifting weights, running, and learning playbooks undertaken by actual athletes of pretty much every real sport.

Bottom line:  not only is it disgusting and gluttonous, it's a sport in roughly the same way Groundhog Day is a holiday, or Dr. Dre is a licensed medical professional. But considering that the most play this crap gets is on Memorial Day and Independence Day, supposedly two days to at least pretend to celebrate some level of national greatness and significance, it might be more interesting to televise and report the entire proceedings -- especially the aftermath. What's the over/under on how long Stonie and Chestnut and the rest of these maroons spend squeezing out a 15-pound growler on the can later tonight?