The Paranoid Style

So let's see if we have this straight -- one of the world's largest entertainment companies just got intimidated to its knees by a system hack supposedly perpetrated by a hillbilly cult disguised as a country, whose sole officially-sanctioned internet presence is hosted by another country's TLD extension and looks like it was put together by a random sixth-grader from any industrialized nation.

The only way North Korea has the technological sophistication to pull this off is with help from the Chinese, since no one else will even look in their direction. And on the off chance that NK did manage to do this entirely of their own volition and ability, so what? Why does that mean that American studios feel compelled to pull every NK-related project?

When did we become a society of such cosseted, mewling ninnies? You are infinitely more likely to get hit by a bolt of lightning (or, more realistically, plowed into by a drunk driver) while exiting a movie theater than attacked by a North Korean splinter cell because you saw a middling Rogen-Franco comedy. This is just a test case; it will get bigger and weirder and with more interesting targets, and soon.

And as Steve points out, where are those bold champions of free speech when you could really use them, why does George Clooney, like always, have more balls than all of those lying, chickenshit hacks put together? The answer (of course) is that when your "philosophy" operates primarily as an ongoing persecution complex, the constant challenge is to portray yourself as a disempowered, beleaguered minority -- even if, in fact, the opposite is plainly true.

The Confessions of Commander Ga

Unsolicited book plug:  if you have not yet read The Orphan Master's Son, you really should. That's all there is to it. It's as close as you could find to a detailed look inside the cruel absurdity that underpins and overlays and permeates every atom of the Hermit Kingdom. (Another, lesser-known but just as informative work, academic in nature, is The Cleanest Race.)

So it is that Dennis Rodman's most notorious BFF, needing to prove himself against his inner circle, continues his purge by having his previous closest aide (and uncle) executed. No doubt Kim Jong Un found out the hard way that, by letting his higher-ups conduct negotiations with other, more developed and civilized nations (which, uh, is most of them), by definition they were getting a first-hand look at life outside the walls of the compound.

And that (despite the inexplicable lunacy of this jagoff; what free westerner in their right mind supports this wretched regime?) is really all the hilariously named "Democratic" "People's" "Republic" of Korea is -- a giant cult in a giant compound, ruthlessly herded and abused by a small cadre of people who know the truth, but profit from and insist on the lie.

Lots of Famous Songs Created in DPRK in 2013

Pyongyang, December 10 (KCNA) -- Lots of songs in praise of the Workers' Party of Korea (WPK) and the socialist motherland have been created in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea at a time when confidence in the WPK is growing deeper than ever before among the local people.

Among them is the song "Always under Party Flag", a paean for the WPK and one of the masterpieces in the era of supreme leader Kim Jong Un.

For its high ideological and artistic value, the song evokes strong emotions for the party flag among the people, leading them to harden their will to remain loyal to the WPK.

A song titled "The Leader and the General Are Always Together" was created on the occasion of the birth anniversary of President Kim Il Sung, the Day of the Sun (April 15). For its ideological, emotional and philosophical profundity, the song well represents the honor of the Korean people advancing toward a rosy future under the blessing of Generalissimos Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il, eternal leaders of the DPRK.

"Ode to the Motherland" is also one of the masterpieces created in the era of Songun. The song arouses feelings of ardent love for the socialist motherland, making one recall with deep emotion the great feats Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il performed on behalf of the country and the people. With fresh and passionate rhythms, it reflects the strong will of the Korean army and people to glorify their homeland.

All people in the DPRK say that the song is as valuable as National Anthem.

And you can really twerk to it.

Oceania Has Always Been At War With Eastasia

Looking for more reasons to love the successes of the American educational system?

Reason #1:

A war on the Korean Peninsula is unlikely after an American strike, but it is not inconceivable. The North Koreans might continue to escalate, and Mr. Kim might feel obligated to start a war to save face. Under these unfortunate circumstances, the United States and its allies would still be better off fighting a war with North Korea today, when the conflict could still be confined largely to the Korean Peninsula. As North Korea’s actions over the last two months have shown, Mr. Kim’s government is willing to escalate its threats much more rapidly than his father’s regime did. An unending crisis would merely postpone war to a later date, when the damage caused by North Korea would be even greater.

China’s role in a potential war on the Korean Peninsula is hard to predict. Beijing will continue to worry about the United States extending its influence up to the Chinese border. If armed hostilities erupt, President Obama should be prepared for direct and close consultations with Chinese leaders to negotiate a postwar settlement, in a larger multinational framework, that respects Beijing’s legitimate security interests in North Korea. The United States has no interest in occupying North Korea. The Chinese are unlikely to pursue an occupation of their own.

Reason #2:

 

 

 



 I know, right? It's a bit of a challenge to determine objectively who the bigger dumbass is here -- the tenured professor at the state university, or the Herpes Shore candidate who probably flunked out of eighth grade.

Either way, as always, America wins, because we simply refuse to learn. We'll show the world that, despite pouring a decade's worth of blood and treasure into two epic failures, we're not afraid to start up two more, just because we can. I don't think we actually will, but the fact that people still want to indicates that Kim Jong Un and the mullahs aren't the only goofballs in this equation.

Postcards from the Edge

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEaKX9YYHiQ

A study in contrasts, insofar as the insular, single-minded propaganda machine of a totalitarian state (and no, I don't mean Entertainment Weekly, smartass) can have contrasts. Exhibit A, regarding the increased ankle-biting of Dennis Rodman's new buddy:

Kim Jong Un Convenes Operation Meeting, Finally Examines and Ratifies Plan for Firepower Strike
Pyongyang, March 29 (KCNA) -- The moves of the U.S. imperialists to violate the sovereignty of the DPRK and encroach upon its supreme interests have entered a grave phase.

....

He said he has judged the time has come to settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists in view of the prevailing situation.

If they make a reckless provocation with huge strategic forces, the KPA should mercilessly strike the U.S. mainland, their stronghold, their military bases in the operational theaters in the Pacific, including Hawaii and Guam, and those in south Korea, he said. He examined and finally ratified the plan of the Strategic Rocket Force for firepower strike.

....

He said the heroic service personnel of the KPA and all other people, their hearts burning with irrepressible resentment at the reckless war provocation moves of the U.S. imperialists, are now waiting for a final order of the WPK Central Committee, hardening their will to turn out in a do-or-die battle with the enemies.

And here we were given cause for hope from this rundown of flirty spring fashions, just two days prior:

Spring Costume Suitable to Koreans

Pyongyang, March 27 (KCNA) -- A change has taken place in the Korean people's costume with the advent of spring season.

Seen in streets of Pyongyang are women dressed in chima (skirt) and jogori (coat), an elegantly and beautifully looking traditional costume.

In this regard, KCNA met Pak Hyon Sik, director of the Clothing Institute under the Ministry of Foodstuff and Daily Necessities Industry.

Pak said:

People choose to wear in spring clothes convenient for movement, with their colors light bright and soft.

Anyhow, mode of spring costume should be taken to suit one's countenance and figure and one's age.

It is advisable for the people in the 20s or 30s to dress themselves freshly and vividly and the middle-aged to wear light-colored clothes. Chima and jogori is suitable to most of Korean women. The old persons' attire should be neat and comfortable.

My institute works hard to develop colorful clothes of various fashions conforming to the socialist way of life and sentiments of the Koreans.

Awesome. Can't wait for the swimsuit issue. Kerry and Hagel have their work cut out for them with this guy, don't they? Even the Russians and Chinese are at their wits' end with these goofballs. Kim the Third, steeped in generations of top-dog cultism, may be in danger of believing his own hype. He wants to get to the negotiating table, but for what? Didn't anyone steep him in the nuances of Kissingerian/Metternichian top-level diplomacy we typically approach these sorts of situations with, that since only Nixon could go to China there is no way a Democratic administration will risk looking like appeasers to a lunatic?

It's like an entire nation decided to make this their national anthem. The "Ministry of Foodstuff and Daily Necessities Industry", fuckin' seriously?

Then again, from the NK POV, they just watched us spend an entire decade waist-deep in the Big Muddy, not once but twice, spending ungodly amounts of blood and treasure trying to bring down loose collaborations of irregular militias. It's entirely likely that Kim and his generals think that with one of the world's largest armies, a nascent nuclear arsenal, and a healthy dose of weird (if not flat-out cray-zay), they might just be able to leverage whatever the hell it is they think they want out of us.

It's past time to get the rest of the neighborhood at the table, to have an intervention for the local meth addict.