Saturday, August 02, 2008

Confederacy of Douchebags

Has Goldberg been passing stupid pills around to his dipshit colleagues or something? Once again, what's wrong with these people?

But in a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them.

....

"He's too new ... and he needs to put some meat on his bones," says Diana Koenig, 42, a housewife in Corpus Christi, Texas, who says she voted for Sen. Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primary.

"I won't vote for any beanpole guy," another Clinton supporter wrote last week on a Yahoo politics message board.


Uh, yeaahhh. It's looking like maybe Chozick got pranked by one-a them crafty triple-digit-IQ folks, on a thread that apparently Chozick herself started on that Yahoo message board, not that she mentions it.

This is what Rupert Murdoch does to newspapers, just ass-rapes what's left after the takeover and installs or promotes incompetent fools to write the dumbest fucking shit possible. This thing should have all the weight of a competitive-eating article, yet Chozick plays it as if she seriously thinks this "story" means anything other than some people are too stupid to breathe, and should seriously do us all a favor and stay home come election time. I know morons pay taxes too, but if you're going to be a fucking child about it, then stay home, get drunk, and contemplate your navel or something. Sample some of the chemicals under your bathroom sink while you're at it.

Even in the first quote, the "meat on his bones", that could very easily be construed as a metaphor, one that Chozick then shanghaied to cram into her grotesque thesis. I can definitely see one of these whinging, disgruntled Clinton cultists, with their tedious, hypocritical obsessions about "experience" (Do you think that they consider Laura Bush's eight years in the White House to be sufficient experience for a Senate run, not to mention future résumé padding? Me neither.), trotting such a lame pony around the ring and pretending it's a thoroughbred.

You want experience? You know who's got more fucking experience than Obama, Straight Talk, and Miz Hillary combined? Robert Byrd. Why don't you write in Robert Byrd or Ted Stevens, see what all that "experience" gets ya? Christ, these people are too stupid and self-indulgent to realize just how little genuine self-awareness they have. They think they want a candidate that's "just like them", for some fucking bizarre reason, but they don't even know who or what they are, if they're clinging to such moronic rationales for theoretically important decisions.

I don't know if these are all just anecdotal rubes dug up by a media that is only diligent about regurgitating stupid shit to keep the appearance of a horserace, or if they're indicative of a larger swath of chumps, a retard bloc if you will (and you might). None of these people are "like" you, you dipshits, not Obama, not McCain, not Hillary or Bush or Cheney. They are all millionaires who spend their days being gladhanded by corporate "donors", making policies that decide the fate of their constituents, the country, and the world. This is a high-stakes game that determines the direction of hundreds of millions of human lives in many different ways, and the idea that someone above the age of six years old could really be concerned that Obama doesn't eat ice cream and deep-fried shit on a stick makes me sick to my stomach. Such a person needs to go play in the freeway, mach schnell.

Note also that nowhere in her probing reportage does Chozick bother to mention the current occupant of the office, a notorious fitness freak who famously spends entire afternoons riding mountain bikes and elliptical trainers, rather than, say, engaging in proactive policy initiatives with his advisers, or whatever the fuck it is these ofay cock-smokers think it is Obama is supposed to be doing instead of a few sets of dumbbell curls. Bush has spent over 1½ years of his eight on vacation, and much of the remainder working out and rigorously watching his girlish figure. IOKIYAR, I suppose, but such a glaring similarity should be obvious even to a "reporter" who got clowned by a sock-puppet on a potemkin Yahoo thread.

More and more one gets the impression that she, Chozick, thought to herself one day that Obama looked a bit too fit or whatever, looked in Wikipedia to see how fat Taft was for the "research" angle, and decided to invent a controversy to get the cankle demographic all het up. Fortunately that group starts wheezing pretty quickly, at which point they give up and grab a 2-liter bottle of RC and a tub of fried chicken out of the fridge, and start working on some more extra chins. People, those elbows ain't gonna dimple themselves.

I mean really, this nation has been run by straight-up psychopaths who seriously contemplated shooting Navy SEALs in a false-flag incident in order to start yet another war, even though they haven't quite finished losing the other two. It is criminally negligent that even one (1) representative of the "legitimate" media waste any time at all with this mindless crap.

As always, either the story is a contrivance and therefore shouldn't have been written in the first place, or there really are a significant number of fat fucks for whom Obama's body type is a dealbreaker, in which case they deserve to languish the rest of their lives under a shitty health care system and a failing economy, with no way out. I don't mind the idea of a civil war between people who vote based on the issues, and asswipes who think they're voting for a fucking new neighbor. I wouldn't mind that one bit.

[Update: As "null" points out (in what appears to be its only marginally coherent comment) in the forum, it looks like The Onion beat this dingbat to her prize pig of an "article". With trenchant writing like this, I'm sure it won't be long before Murdoch's Folly will be availble on a roll of perforated two-ply.]

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