Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Doug Feith Award (NFL Edition)

There are dumb motherfuckers, and there are dumb motherfuckers. And then there's one of our favorite targets, Father of the Decade Travis Henry, by now infamous even in non-sports circles for siring nine children by nine women. Check this shit out:

His eldest child was conceived while Henry was in high school, before he was named Mr. Florida Football and a Parade All-American. The child was unplanned as were all but one of his offspring, he said.

“I’m like, ‘Whoa, I’m going to be a dad,’ ” Henry recalled.

He was wed, at 19, to another of the nine mothers, who was six years older. Henry’s mother, who picked oranges for a living, disapproved.

“She was going crazy over it,” Henry said. He added that he filed for annulment within a year “for her.”

Two relationships while he attended the University of Tennessee produced two more children. Attending the annual N.F.L. rookie symposium as a 2001 draft pick of the Buffalo Bills, Henry watched a skit that dramatized the repercussions of imprudent sexual activity. It might as well have been geared toward him.

Henry laughed through the sketch. “I thought, ‘That ain’t ever going to happen to me,’ ” he said.

Consider that for a second. He's 21 and already has been married and annulled, and has four kids by four women. And he didn't think it was "ever going to happen" to him. My friends, that is motherfucking dumb you can believe in.

Henry maintained that he was involved long-term with many of the mothers. Some, he said, told him they were using birth control, and he professed surprise at discovering they became pregnant by him.

“I did use protection at first,” he said. “Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them. Second or third time with them, I didn’t use it. Then, boom!”

In four instances, he attested, “I was trapped.” If not for his football cachet and accompanying wealth, “I guarantee you that wouldn’t have happened.”

Yeah. The hell you say. So let's see if we have this straight -- you're saying that sometimes these women, who hook up with you because of your fame and notoriety in the first place, might be trying to trap you into a paternity suit? That is weird, wild stuff. Too bad the league didn't put together some sort of, oh I dunno, rookie orientation video to give you a heads-up on that shit. This brain surgeon had to get "trapped" at least four times before he figured it out. There are fucking mice smarter than this asshole.

I actually hope Henry beats the rap and can get himself reinstated in the league, because as with that Octodingbat, I don't think the taxpayers should have to foot the bill for this clown.

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