Monday, November 20, 2017


I think we all underestimated Fuckface Von Clownstick to some extent, but the real problem, both in scope and degree, is just how badly we overestimated our fella 'murkins. It's also true some extent that if people had been given better choices, they'd have made better decisions, but Jesus H. Christ. As Frank Rich helpfully reminds us, George Wallace had a decent chance at election until he got shot.

You wanna worry about underestimating things, worry about underestimating just how many petty, venal, vicious bastards there are still out there, and combined with how many people who are simply too ignorant or lazy to bother with any of it, these things will come to pass from time to time.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Runnin' With the Devil

So this is fun. Mo Brooks is a slimy sack of crap; it is truly a shame he didn't take a header down those marble steps and land on his face. These people would literally rather vote for a creep who sexually assaulted teenagers when he was in his thirties, and was literally banned from a mall, than for someone who sent murderous domestic terrorists to prison.

Alabama can get its collective back up and whinge about "Yankees" tellin' 'em whut ta do, but the fact is that this is a test for that state. They need to step up and decide what they're about. It's too late for Roy Moore (and the mediots need to stop referring to him as "judge" -- he's been forcibly removed from that position twice) to be removed from the ballot, so the choice is between Roy Moore and Doug Jones. Period.

So no nudging, Alabama, but what are you about as a state? Forget all the "dummycrats is sociamalists" mumbo-jumbo excuses -- you either support a skeevy pederast, or you don't. Either you stick with the Cletus the cousin-fucker stereotypes or you reject them. You're either the state of Bob Ewell or of Atticus Finch. You cannot have it both ways anymore.

Same goes for the Republican Party, which is still fundraising and canvassing for Moore, despite their public plaints; same goes for the GOP voters. Sometimes a moment comes along where you have to decide how you want to define your team, and this is one of those times.

The Goopers are really stuck on this one, and they know it. There are a couple of longshot scenarios to consider here, but they're not completely out of the realm of possibility:
  1. Jeff Flake's seat in AZ is up for grabs, as is Bob Corker's in TN, and "Everybody Hates" Ted Cruz has to run for his seat next year as well. Things are not rolling the Goopers' way lately, and these are all gettable for the Dems.
  2. Moore loses or is pre-emptively disqualified per the actions of the leaders of his own party, and he rallies the same breed of deplorable who are chomping at the bit to kill and/or die in the service of Fuckface Von Clownstick. A schism is created in the Republican party, and a breakaway "populist" party takes on the "establishment" party. Popcorn companies do record business, and the Dems sweep the midterms hard. Clownstick goes into full Downfall bunker mode, watching his idiot MAGA fantasy go up like a tire fire.
The second one is admittedly a very long shot, because no matter what these weasels say, politics is really more about the money than the ideology, and it's hard to imagine the sort of genuinely wealthy person who wants to invest in a Howdy Doody-looking asshole like Roy Moore, with his totally-not-a-closet-case leather vest and the pew-pew pea-shooter he needs in order to feel safe buying his Starbucks. But there's always some douchebag Robert Mercer / Foster Friess type out there who didn't work hard enough for his money to have any respect for it.

Either way, what a difference a year makes, especially when your enemies are so consistently ridiculous. It is truly a joy watching these assholes screw the pooch and turn on each other. May the aneurysm fairy start making the rounds, and they all ride the escalator to hell sooner rather than later.

Saturday, November 11, 2017


It has become (rightly) an article of faith that Russian troll farms and social media strategies helped the Clownstick campaign close the deal. Part of the rationale is Putin's well-known dislike of Hillary Clinton, part of it is Putin's ability to see that he'd have a much easier time manipulating Clownstick to remove sanctions and do business.

Arguably the most significant and substantial reason for the Russians to get involved in the 2016 campaign is the same as their logic for disseminating influential propaganda throughout Europe to influence their elections. Fomenting chaos works in the Russians' favor, as far as geopolitical strategy goes. In a vast country with a dwindling population, chaos is a force multiplier for them.

So let's pose a hypothetical, in context of the Democrats and liberals currently fulminating against the perfidy of the Clownstick campaign's cozying up to what should have been obvious attempts by a foreign power to influence an American presidential election. Let's say that in keeping with the prime directive of sowing chaos, the Russians decide to influence the midterms in favor of Democratic candidates. No secret meetings, no kompromat, none of that, they just independently decide to put the trolls to work to flip the Senate and or House back to the Dems.

Beware of Russians bearing gifts, is all I'm saying. They are not specifically pro-Clownstick or pro-Republican, except insofar as that party and its current leader are more malleable in terms of temperament and venality. They are pro-chaos, simple as that. Chaos and disruption lead to paralysis, especially in terms of foreign policy. We are already there, and this is just the start.

And in the longer-term areas of foreign policy, we are becoming more screwed by the day. This doddering old moron is dragging this country under, through the sheer force of his utter stupidity. He thinks he's some sort of genius because he supposedly has some verbal handshake with the Chinese to back down their economic support of the North Koreans.

Never mind that China -- and the rest of the world -- doesn't have the same Viagra-fueled boner for NK that Old Man Clownstick does, and that the Chinese are content to continue with checkbook diplomacy to move their "One Belt One Road" great project along.

(George Friedman's strategic analysis, claiming that OBOR is "doomed to failure," is worth checking out, but the fact is that China is ready to take twenty years and hundreds of billions of dollars to make this project happen, and a lot can and will happen in that time.)

Never mind that the one person Clownstick is too afraid to criticize with a rage-tweet -- Vladimir Putin -- will just step in and help the Norks out, because he can, because the history of Russia is one of buffer states and proxy wars. Maybe Clownstick really thinks Putin is his friend, or that they can be business partners; he clearly seems to believe that since Putin insists he "didn't meddle," that should be enough for us. (Or maybe he really thinks everyone's that stupid. More likely he just doesn't give a shit either way. Remember, everything about this asshole is an act of defiance. What are you gonna do about it, prole?) Either way, the only role he has for the Russians is as a complicit dupe.

Everyone who thought this dumb old bastard was some sort of genius deal-maker because of his stoopid teevee show should be forced to, I dunno, live in one of his scam housing developments, bear the direct brunt of his serial idiocy. That seems only fair.

This guy "does deals" like old people fuck. His approach to "business" is the old saw about how when you owe the bank a million, you have a problem, but when you owe the bank a billion, the bank has the problem. Similarly, his approach to "making a deal" boils down to lying through his teeth and hoping the other guy is stupider than he is. Winning!

So don't be too surprised if the Russian interference in 2018 and/or 2020 extends to the Democrats -- or more likely, to both parties. The idea is to pit us against each other, heighten the already dangerous levels of polarization. And because you can't have a scam without willing marks, it's going to work, and the imperial death spiral will continue apace.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Less Is Moore

So let's see if we have all this straight:  Roy Moore has been fired twice from his judgeship because he's an incompetent christian sharia fascist, has taken campaign money from neo-nazis, paid himself a fat six-figure salary from his "charity," opined that Muslims should not be allowed to serve in Congress and homosexuals should be jailed -- but now, now, now that some Clownstick-voting mouth-breather has finally stepped forward after forty fucking years and talked about a 32-year-old Moore diddling her when she was 14 [so, in fourth grade? -- Ed.], he's finally considered unfit for the fucking job? Really?

Reminds me of the South Park episode right before the election (in the wake of the pussy-grabber tape), where Mr. Garrison/Clownstick went on an insult-comic tour and starts talking Dice Clay-style about sticking his finger up women's asses. Women start leaving the audience, glaring at their husbands to follow suit. Garrison cuts into his monologue and says, "Oh, you were fine when I talked about fucking all the illegal immigrants to death, but you have a problem with me sticking my finger up a woman's ass! Good to know you have boundaries!"

Much is being made of the Goopers' pussy (pardon the pun)-footing around this story with the two word qualifier if true. Friends 'n' neighbors, let's just dust off the ol' chainsaw and cut straight through the proverbial bullshit here -- it doesn't matter if these ancient allegations are true or not. Moore is manifestly unqualified and unsuitable for the job of US Senator many times over, on things we know with absolute certainty and which Moore has made no secret of, without ever needing to chase down the forty-year-old rabbit hole of whether he had a taste for teenage girls when he was in his thirties. Disgusting, sure. But he's already disgusting in many other more legally problematic ways.

Jesus H. Christ, he's literally compared the legalization of gay marriage to the Dred Scott decision, which only underscores the fact that he should never have been let anywhere near a courtroom in the first place, except perhaps as a defendant. A competent media would not be letting dipshits like Ben Sasse and Jeff Flake seek rhetorical cover over their sudden case of the vapors; they would be asking every single Republican senator how they feel about all the other things Moore has said over and over, and will say again with minimal prompting. He's proud of his 18th-century views of the world.

Fuck this shit. That state and this country deserve a turd like Roy Moore in the Senate. Hell, I'll vote for him for preznit. This country needs a goddamned enema, and this Howdy Doody-lookin' motherfucker is just the man to stick his hose up 'murka's stuck poop-chute.

More seriously and less polemically, this is and should be a very clear litmus test as to which side lives its principles. Think about all the recent "sexually inappropriate" scandals that have come out recently. Harvey Weinstein is done, and probably facing criminal charges. Kevin Spacey's career is likely over. Louis C.K.'s movie got dropped, and his show hasn't been funny in several years anyway. On the other side, Roger Ailes got a $40m golden parachute, Moore has a decent shot at a seat in the US Senate, and Fuckface Von Clownstick got elected. Only Bill O'Reilly had any consequences as a result of his behavior, and that was only after Fixed Noise shelled out tens of millions of dollars for multiple settlements.

And there are plenty of animals out there who would be happy to vote for Moore even if he had been caught red-handed fucking that 14-year-old, because decades of immersion in Hutu Power Radio has conditioned them to believe that Democrats = sociamalism, and a sociamalist is literally worse than a pedophile or even a murderer. That is not an exaggeration.

I have no idea how you even respond or relate to around-the-bend idiots like that, nor is it worth the effort to try. Leave them alone, let them fester in their bitterness and racism, life's losers in their fucking hick towns, refusing to learn about the world outside their clapboard existence, refusing to retrain for a skill that is actually valuable. Do not try to win them over, do not rub it in with I-told-you-so's -- but also don't fall for the Michael Moore schtick that we have to listen to them.

Seriously, what the fuck are we supposed to listen to from someone like Pam Schilling, from the Politico article, with the charming bit at the end about what NFL really stands for? How do you meet halfway with an idiot in denial? And why don't they ever have to meet anyone else halfway, ever? They are in the minority, after all.

The media don't seem to know this simple empirical fact, though. Every few weeks another one of these stupid "Cletus safari" pieces turns up, giving voice to these awful fucking people, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. I don't care what jabbering idiots think about anything, and there is nothing informative about these pieces, except maybe to affirm what we all know -- that you can't fix stupid.

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Fuck 'em All, Let Billy Graham Sort 'em Out

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. -- Voltaire

The fuck 'em never stops:

More people in some key counties [Fuckface Von Clownstick] carried in the 2016 presidential election say the U.S. is worse off now than say it is better off, according to a new survey.

An NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll surveyed residents of 438 counties that saw a surge last year for [Clownstick] or flipped to vote Republican in the 2016 election after previously going for President Obama in 2012.

The poll found 32 percent of people in those "[Clownstick] counties" think the country is better off now than it was before [Clownstick] assumed office.

But 41 percent think the country is worse off.

A majority of people surveyed, 53 percent, don't think the [fucktard] has a clear agenda.

Nearly half of respondents, 48 percent, said they approved of [Clownstick]'s job performance. But 50 percent of respondents disapproved of the [fucktard]'s job performance.

I recall making a similar Voltairean "prayer" when these incompetent rubes elevated their incompetent doofus to a job that actually requires some skills and traits that are not easy to come by: intelligence, discipline, compassion, patience, focus, curiosity, empathy, honesty (with oneself at least), a sense of humor, a knowledge of history and context, the ability to see the big picture, knowledge of how things get done in the mechanics and procedures of gubmint. That plea to an indifferent void can be summed up thusly: I hope these idiots get exactly what they voted for. And they are, they have, they will. Because he has none of the skills enumerated above, not even one.

And he is not going anywhere, not anytime soon. The walls are starting to close in, the edifice starting to crumble, the clothes turning to mostly imaginary rags and tatters. Mueller is going to skull-fuck this administration, whether or not he is able to root out the rotten head of this mafiya lineup. But Mueller is methodical, and plays this out slowly, patiently, carefully. He leaves nothing to chance. This will take some time.

So if this trend in polls and events and arrogant stupidity continues, the angry rubes will get to watch their hero reveal himself as the moron most of us knew he was all along. But they'll be the ones stuck with him, in their no-way-out dead-end destitution.

I don't know what to tell ya, folks. This is what you wanted, this is what you got. He is exactly what he told you he was -- a drunk on a barstool, full of volume and bluster, and completely unencumbered by knowledge or facts or even basic decency. You fell for it. Maybe you should let your lawnmower mechanic remove your brain tumor, since expertise don't matter, and reading is an elitist activity. Good luck with all that.

Fuck You, Emperor Snowflake

Looks like in spite of their complete inability to cobble together a coherent proactive message, or unify around any sort of figure to move them collectively forward, Democratic candidates swept the field in a variety of races on all levels all over the country. The message is clear, and hopefully gains momentum as Mueller keeps flipping the Russian rats, and more people simply get tired of Preznit YouTube Comments Thread.

What makes it even more hilarious is that Snowflake, balls deep in monkey-fucking our Asian trade arrangements, couldn't help but take a moment and bury Special Ed Gillespie in his (at the time of this post) nine-point loss to Ralph Northam.

As the Post article spells out, this is the sort of thing that will end up being Snowflake's undoing. Unlike Luther Strange, Ed Gillespie openly embraced the scaremongering and fear-jabber that has endeared Von Clownstick to his rube base. It didn't work (no, make that it really didn't work), and Snowflake unnecessarily went out of his way to piss on Gillespie's electoral grave. (Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, sez I.)

So he doesn't help electorally, and is disloyal to a fault, even when he doesn't need to be. The Republicans still running their anti-freeze lemonade stand maintain the delusion that their dementia-addled fake tycoon can get them across the finish line on those fucking tax cuts (for people who hide their money in Bermuda in the first place). They are as monomaniacal in their obsession as the emperor is in his.

The contest will become one concerning which faction is more beholden to their respective obsession -- the McConnell-Ryan faction to their damned tax cuts for people who don't need them, or Fuckface Von Clownstick's unshakeable self-regard. Tonight's electoral debacle will rattle the so-called GOPe weasels, but not quite enough to stop pushing for their donors. They'll keep going until it gets snapped off in their asses in the midterms.

Edroso also has a nice take on it from the "cultural" angle. In the wake of the second major mass shooting in less than five weeks, the rightard scriveners' claque may have gone to the "thoughts and prayers" well once too often for too many people. Only a complete dipshit would seriously think that "leftists" are mocking prayer in and of itself by ironically spitting the trope back at them.

Listen close, assholes, just so there's no confusion, real or otherwise:  Faith without works, according to the New Testament, is dead. Empty prayers aren't changing full coffins -- this time, in the case of Sutherland Springs, including more than a dozen children, including a fourteen-month infant. That's not to insist on confiscating all guns or some such; rather, it is a challenge to the empty-prayer folks to either do something, anything, or just shut the fuck up.

Only a full-on certifiable halfwit would be anything but repulsed by the sight of two disgusting people opining on how church is the best place to be shot. As the saying goes, that's a special kind of stupid, but it's also pretty fucking revolting. It would be one thing for them to go through the usual routine of shoulder-shrugging "whaddaya want us to do?" plaints about how the shooter got his guns legally, yada yada. But it's intolerable to decent people to watch these scumbags use the lives of slaughtered children to created twisted rhetoric for the sole purpose of impugning the folks who are simply wondering how many more times?

I've always taken some measure of pride in being a cynical bastid, but seeing the crude gestures of conservatard lowlifes from David French to Ainsley Earhardt, clearly I have some catching up to do.

Surplus Population

Humans ruin everything. Pray for the meteor.

Saturday, October 28, 2017


Hopefully the beginning of the end is nigh, but hope is neither a plan nor a shovel. It's more like the beginning of the beginning, and which way this goes is going to depend on a lot of factors. The Republicans -- including the newly anointed "mavericks" Corker and Flake -- are willing to go down with the SS Clownstick, so long as they push one more tax cut for the rich fucks who count their money by weight.

If you believe that the conduct of this maladministration is treasonous (and Seth Abramson has painstakingly constructed such a case for months with countless Twitter mega-threads), and you believe (reasonably) that most or all US Senators know even more of the details than we peons, then it's simple math to figure that the Goopers that still support these treacherous fucks are at best opportunistic bastards, but really just willing accomplices.

(The Uranium One story sounds like the usual distractive bullshit, but let's just state for the record that if Mueller wants to investigate that as well, that's fine, and regardless, if any criminal conduct is found in that, then those involved should face appropriate criminal prosecution and justice. Period.)

So the majority party in this country has already made it abundantly clear that rules, norms, and laws mean little. They stole a Supreme Court seat in broad daylight, for fuck's sake. Overlooking a little bidness treason is just something friends do for each other, when there's tax cuts on the line and they're scared shitless of the rube base.

All of which makes it very difficult to be optimistic about the Mueller investigations and impending indictments. Clownstick will pardon the people indicted, including himself, the Republicunts will let him, and what the fuck are you gonna do about it? Vote? If they let you, if they decide to count it. Ask Jon Ossoff about all that.

Or maybe #TheResistance will take to the streets. Okay, good luck with that. Remember that glorious weekend of Pussy Power, record demonstrations across the country, biggest protest ever? What did it change? Not a goddamned thing. They can wait you out, the way they waited out Occupy Wall Street and the pussy-hat protesters and all the rest. They are pure muscle and gall. They don't give a shit what you think.

Everyone points out correctly that Emperor Snowflake is not the disease but a symptom. That's true but incomplete:  America is beset by multiple diseases, not the least of which is that a significant portion of its inhabitants have the intellects of farm animals, and vote in the dumbest motherfuckers they can find, at all levels.

Nearly all of what ails this country can be alleviated by a very modest amount of economic redistribution from the assholes that have more than they can spend in a dozen lifetimes, many of whom didn't even work for it in the first place. But their ever-increasing hoarding has driven the country into a deep hole.

Snowflake wants to drop the top tax rate to 20%. Fine, eliminate all the loopholes, and you got yourself a deal. And I mean all the loopholes. Straight twenty, no exceptions or discounts, no bullshit write-offs, no offshoring profits indefinitely. Call their bluff, because there's no goddamned way any of them, corporations or inherited Walmart layabouts, will go for it. Their goal is zero tax, and the proles pay for privatized services that work for shit.

And the worst part of that particular disease is that it's shamefully simple to get the rubes to go for it. Steinbeck may not have known how perfectly on-the-nose his observation was about poor Americans seeing themselves as temporarily displaced millionaires. The most People of Walmart dipshit is convinced that they're just one lucky lottery ticket from the good life.

That is not an exaggeration, and once you understand that, it suddenly becomes clear how people keep voting against their own rational self-interest every time. They seriously believe that if they give the Koch Brothers another fucking tax break, that will somehow translate into an extra buck an hour at their soul-deadening widget-stamping job.

So there's a very good chance that Mueller will unroll a metric fuckton of irrefutable facts, and it won't matter. And there won't be anything you can do about it. You wanna talk about hope, well, I hope I'm wrong. But there are no surprises anymore. We're the frogs in the water, and it's been warming the whole time. This is right out of the "how empires fall" playbook.

You'll Need More Snowflakes for That Avalanche

Any day these useless closet cases get outnumbered 2-1 is a good day. It's hard to get outraged when they are, as a heckler noted, "the Cleveland Browns of political movements." Still, one hopes at least that they finally receive an important message from the universe:  You are a bunch of fucking losers, each and every one of you. Shame on you. Go home and get some sleep, think about what you're doing with what passes for your lives.

And that's really all there is to them:  tubbies and morons who have already failed at life, bigly, and have nothing left but to occasionally take their armchair tough-guy static into the real world with some cosplay. They should go back to re-enacting WW2 and the Civil War as nazis and confederates. That's the best way for these chumps to work out their issues.

But, to return their favorite bullshit back on them, if they hate this country so much, why don't they get the fuck out already? It would be their fondest desire to start up Nazilvania or Kekistan or whatever, but good luck making a go of it when your main imports will be donuts and cheeseburgers, and the exports will be the choicest whines.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Flake Factor

No doubt Bob Corker and Jeff Flake want some sort of medal for speaking Truth To Power Incompetence, in retiring relatively young to find a mountaintop and contemplate their supreme integrity join or start a lobbying firm. The worst part about insufferable twats like those two is that they think they're being respectable statesman, that they're actually doing something purely out of love for country.

You don't even need to fire up the olfactory lobe of your brain to be able to smell that bullshit from miles away. I suspect there is a core of sincerity in their plaints; they really do not like Emperor Snowflake, and are sick of his endless schoolyard twittering.

But at the same time, one might suggest that if Corker and Flake were truly concerned about the country, and the direction the raging man-child is taking things, they could, I don't know, switch parties and stay in the fight? An imperfect solution to be sure, but what sort of idiot thinks they'll be more effective on the sidelines, at most lobbing the occasional rhetorical appetizer in the Times or the Post, than hanging in and helping the loyal opposition?

These guys are assholes, through and through. Hopefully Flake and Corker will spend their remaining time in the Senate making Snowflake as miserable as possible, but up to now, they've been 95% in his pocket -- they voted for all the health-care shenanigans; they voted for Gorsuch's stolen SCOTUS seat; they voted to confirm all of his dangerously inept cabinet weasels.

Now Flake and Corker claim to be tired of the nastiness and bullshit emanating from the toxic turd stinking up the White House, and their solution is to walk away and leave their seats open to true fanatics like Kelli Ward and Marsha Blackburn. Hell, with friends like that, who needs enemas?