Sunday, February 19, 2017

The Crybaby Cult

Seriously, is this what the next four or so years is really going to be like, an endless series of fucktarded anthropological excursions into Clownstickistan to suss the sage wisdom of angry goobers. Time after time, the message is clear -- Clownstick opponents need to do all the compromising, never the whiny Clownstick enthusiast who is now additionally butt-hurt because that mean ol' Meryl Streep said some terrible things.

And for the record, all Streep said was that maybe it wasn't cool to make fun of disabled people. She never even mentioned Fuckface by name. That seems to have made her mild ministrations all that more potent to these cultists. They can't stand it, mainly because they know that Streep was right, that if they had a friend or loved one who had a severe condition, a debilitating palsy that manifested itself in painful contortions and spasms in random intervals, it would hurt them to see that condition mocked by a cynical third-rate con-man for the sake of political expediency. Just like they look the other way when their hero taunts a tortured war hero, but will insist with a straight face that they support and respect military service and personnel.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Inside Man

I'll throw out the disclaimer that I don't know enough about John Schindler to attest to his reliability, and it does not go unnoticed that his article appears in the newspaper that Clownstick's son-in-law owned up till very recently, but Schindler's Twitter feed looks like he at least knows what he's talking about. The facts are indisputable that Kremlin Mike Flynn has his dick caught in a serious wringer here, and will probably be forced from his job barely a month into it, but knowing these animals, they'll probably replace him with Alex Jones.

It should be clear by now that the real challenge of this administration is figuring out whether they are incompetent or treasonous, whether their intent is to "disrupt" (in the hacky corporate jargon sense, as if causing chaos is a necessary precursor to innovation) or to destabilize.

In the end, it shouldn't matter. These people need to go. All of them. When lifelong professionals across the sixteen intelligence agencies are uniformly convinced that the Kremlin has ears in the fucking White House Situation Room, to the extent that they will no longer speak clearly and completely around the occupant of the highest office in the land and his appointed minions, we have a problem.

Clownstick needs to figure out a way to pay his bratva debts, other than by looting the US treasury and passing intel to Putin. Maybe he can host another pageant and grab some more teenage pussy.

Even Stephens

We've already gotten to know far too much about shadow preznit Steve Bannon. But did you know there's another Stephen in Clownstick's inner circle who's just as bad? It's true!

If anything, Stephen Miller might be even worse -- where Bannon has actually held jobs that require at least some skill and talent, Miller has been a lifelong conservatard Fuckface, writing passionate missives to the local newspaper as a high school student in Santa Monica, over such critical issues as whether the pledge of allegiance is being said often enough, or if Mexican holidays are getting too much attention.

Miller went straight from Duke University to work for Michele Bachmann and new Witchfinder General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Thuhd, before becoming Clownstick's main speechwriter last summer. Kind of funny how many of these douchebags who want only to tear down the gubmint have spent their entire professional lives working for that gubmint, innit?

So now Miller is spearheading the current LIE spewing from Clownstick's puckered liehole, that thousands of Massachusetts voters bused into New Hampshire to illegally vote there and throw the state to Hitlery. Despite the fact that, as described in the link, it is statistically and logistically just about impossible (and the down-ticket votes make no sense for that scenario), the idea that anyone could or would engage in this sort of easily traceable shenanigans for, you know, four electoral votes isn't just ridiculous, it's retarded.

So the media outlets seem to actually be pushing back on the current round of LIES being propagated by Miller and his thieving scumbag boss. It would be a mistake, though, to simply assume that this is more of Clownstick being his usual dumbass self. All of these lies and tactics -- the inauguration crowds, the travel ban, the intimidation of federal judges for doing their jobs, the placement of a Russian mole as National Security Advisor, the insistence on voter fraud with zero evidence -- are part of a systematic, concerted effort to push boundaries, to see what they can get away with.

This is not a matter of mere difference of political opinion. These people are scum, pure and simple. Miller is part of a breed that will literally do and say and fabricate anything and everything, just so the holy few who actually own this country, who already have more money than they could ever hope to spend, can get even more. Fuck them all.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Palace Corgi

There are precious few reliable axioms in this crazy world anymore, but here is one of them you can take to the bank:  any day where limey fuckface Piers Morgan gets taken down a few notches is a good fucking day.

Morgan got nailed to the wall on Real Time last night, by Aussie comedian Jim Jefferies, of all people. As a former contestant on Clownstick's phony game show, Morgan apparently felt obliged to stick up for his buddy, defending him against Bill Maher and others on the show referring to Clownstick as "mentally ill" and "stupid" -- which, of course, he is.

Such name-calling may be somewhat subjective, but can be arrived at and demonstrated by the preponderance of evidence, that while Clownstick may have only been sliming up the White House for a few weeks now, his behavior so far is entirely in keeping with eighteen months of campaigning, as well as several years of (among other things) conspiracy mongering and flat-out LYING, well after being corrected numerous times.

The argument culminated around Clownstick's most recent stunt, in which he persists in describing the increase in violent crimes over the past two years (the highest such increase in nearly fifty years) as the highest rate in that time frame. The difference between increase and rate has been explained over and over again, and at this point, if Clownstick chooses to go on in that direction, he is either willfully LYING, or he's too stupid to know the difference between rate and increase.

Morgan chose to defend such blatant hackery, and paid the rhetorical price. He's a lapdog to power, and should be treated as such.

Back at the Funny Farm

You've probably seen this little gem making the rounds already, and it's a definite winner for this week's edition of Clownstick Voters Get It Snapped Off In Their Asses:
MERCED, Calif. — Jeff Marchini and others in the Central Valley here bet their farms on the election of Donald J. Trump. His message of reducing regulations and taxes appealed to this Republican stronghold, one of Mr. Trump’s strongest bases of support in the state.

As for his promises about cracking down on illegal immigrants, many assumed Mr. Trump’s pledges were mostly just talk. But two weeks into his administration, Mr. Trump has signed executive orders that have upended the country’s immigration laws. Now farmers here are deeply alarmed about what the new policies could mean for their workers, most of whom are unauthorized, and the businesses that depend on them.

“Everything’s coming so quickly,” Mr. Marchini said. “We’re not loading people into buses or deporting them, that’s not happening yet.” As he looked out over a crew of workers bent over as they rifled through muddy leaves to find purple heads of radicchio, he said that as a businessman, Mr. Trump would know that farmers had invested millions of dollars into produce that is growing right now, and that not being able to pick and sell those crops would represent huge losses for the state economy. “I’m confident that he can grasp the magnitude and the anxiety of what’s happening now.”
Uh-huh. Because mere mortals couldn't possibly understand the logistical and financial requirements that farming to scale present to the farmer. What the fuck is with these people? It's bad enough that this dipshit seriously thinks that non-farmers or non-businesspeople have no concept of this, but it's even worse that he also seriously thinks that Clownstick does understand their dilemma to any significant level.

Immigration was by far Clownstick's most consistent issue. Forget that he had no real plan or solution; forget that he clearly had no fucking clue about anything, including that particular subject. He tried, in his own inimitable, incoherent way, to make it his key issue. But it came out as a rambling obsession, like all his other obsessions the rambunctions of a drunk on a barstool in every Moe's Tavern across this land of ours.

Only someone who knew nothing at all about large-scale agriculture, who had no clue about what cracking down on immigrants had done to other states in the recent past, would talk like that, would say the things He, Clownstick said over and over and over again.

Credit Where Due

It's been kind of a cottage industry in these here virtual pages over the years to talk shit about the New England Patriots and the douchebag fair-weather townies that pose as fans. And Brady, Belichick, and Bob Kraft are still and always welcome to kiss every square inch of my pasty Irish ass, just on general principle.

However, it should be duly noted that no fewer than six of Brady's teammates have already pre-emptively refused to visit the White House to celebrate their Super Bowl victory. So good on all of them, and hopefully more follow suit. And anyone who starts up the usual bullshit about "respecting the office" can go fuck themselves. Clownstick himself doesn't respect the office, and professional athletes vote and pay taxes just like the rest of us, and the same right to register their opinion that we all have.

It Puts the Lotion On Its Skin

You know, there's nothing stopping the lot of you from leaving the golf club basement, and going out and finding a real story. Fucking morons. Do something, anything. He's not king, he doesn't have literal physical control over you. Go find someone to hack into the IRS system and get his tax returns or something. This is just pathetic.

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Honor Among Thieves

Let's accept for the sake of argument that Clownstick was "joking" about "ruining the career" of a Texas state senator who had the nerve to talk about legislating that a suspect should be convicted before his assets could be seized by the thieving, grasping paws of the jackbooted thugs trying to shake a money tree. The problem is, Clownstick doesn't even question the principle that we used to at least theoretically have, that people have a right to be tried, with evidence presented and everything, before being punished, whether monetarily or by jail time.

Guess that's just too darn inconvenient for these good Christian fokes, who apparently lay awake at night dreaming up nefarious ways to steal under the cover of "law enforcement." There are plenty of cases indicating that this is a clear incentive for many police departments, who see the convenience of obtaining assets without even having to go to the trouble of, you know, proving that any laws had been broken in the first place.

Well, you want a fucking corrupt police state, looks like you got one. Then again, this has been going on for a while, and it's not like the last guy did anything about it.

Saturday, February 04, 2017

Highest Bidder

Watching internet shouty-face cupcake Tomi Lahren on Bill Maher's show last night provided a nutshell take on every one of these interchangeable fuck-dolls, incoherently spouting quarter-truths, flat-out lies, and scummy innuendo for FSM knows what unholy purpose.

Lahren is, one supposes, conventionally attractive, although one thing these women seem not to realize is that that quotient is devalued in direct proportion to the bullshit that spews forth from their carefully lacquered mouths. In other words, it doesn't matter how cute you are, nothing's uglier than a shameless, lying hack who knows they're full of shit and keeps going anyway.

Then again, no doubt the inverse is true the further along the left-right political spectrum that their intended audience lies. But hey, if they're comfortable knowing that Fixed Noise viewers old enough to be their great-grandfathers are out there sputtering puffs of powdered man-chowder into their shag rugs, whatever pays the rent.

It seems that Lahren has, it turns out, a comparatively liberal recent past (then again, when you're 24 years old, your entire past is pretty recent), and that too should be no surprise, and should even be instructive, a confirmation of what we already know -- that while politics is marketed as a "values-based" product, it is in fact strictly business.

Interview with the Vampire

So we're all having good fun with the "Bowling Green Massacre" gaffe on the part of one Kellyanne Conway, soulless political hack and serial LIAR. (I think it's important to capitalize the words associated with LYING, in order to draw attention to the useless meatbags who do that for a living. Fuck them all, right in their tiny little coal-lump hearts. Conway is a fucking LIAR, every moment that she is conscious, and probably even when she is sleeping.)

For one, I would suggest that it wasn't a "mistake" at all, but merely another brick in the wall of disinformation this regime intends to utilize to secure its tentacles in the consciousness of its morlock voting base. These retards will believe literally anything, so long as it affirms their usual nonsense, and this is the sort of thing that feeds right into their booga-booga-moooslim paranoia.

Conway can try to dodge all she wants, and pretend this was all an "honest mistake," but her own words betray the truth, when she tries to insinuate that the media conspired to leave this tragic story uncovered. To which we can only say, If only that story had actually occurred.

But fuck all that. What needs to be asked of our intrepid media fools is why Conway needs to be "invited" on at all. What does she do? She LIES, over and over again. She's a fucking LIAR, pure and simple. Honestly, what is the point of having her on these stupid shows. I've got hands, I can jerk myself off. I don't need this LYING dingbat to fucking LIE to me one more LYING time.

The corporate media will probably never thrive again, not in this environment. People are simply too niched at this point, in acquiring the (dis)information they use to "inform" their decisions and opinions. And the media, in their insane quest for what they think of as objectivity, have actually managed to do nothing but piss off people on all sides of the political spectrum, because their version of objectivity has exposed them as untrustworthy for the most part. Even when their information turns out to be verifiable and empirically correct, too often it couched in the sonorous idiocies of High Broderism, the "both sides do it" system of false equivalence that gives flat-earth opinions a seat at the debate table.

So a question for said media solons:  what, if anything, would happen if, instead of having Conway on, and "challenging" her bald-faced LIES, only to let her counter them with MORE LIES, to your faces and then afterward on her Twitter account, what if you just stopped having her on at all? What value do her LIES add, seriously? Her role is to muddy the waters, and she is very good at that, but as much as the media dorks think that they're clarifying said waters, they really aren't.

So again, really, what harm would be done if they just didn't have her on at all anymore, since she's just wasting everyone's time and harming America?

[Update 2/4/17 10:00 PST:  Never thought I'd see the day where I'd be praising CNN for growing a pair, but we are indeed in strange times now. This is what it's going to take -- overpaid meat puppets being forced to make an existential decision about who and what they really are, and whether it means anything to them. It appears that CNN is making that decision, here and now. Good for them. Hopefully the Big Three follow suit, and quickly. The only reason to have Conway on should be to force her to defend Clownstick's nightly rage-tweets, one by one, and then make fun of her pathetic attempts to cover for him after her segment is over.]

Super Bowl 51 Prediction

Atlanta Falcons (13-5) vs. New England Patriots (16-2)
Spread:  NE +3 (o/u 59.0)

This is sizing up to be a classic strength vs. strength game, pitting Atlanta's high flying video-game offense against New England's opportunistic defense, which led the league in scoring this season. However, as the Football Outsiders stat gurus point out, the Patsies' D faced the easiest schedule of opposing offenses this year, certainly nothing at the level of what Matt Ryan and Julio Jones have done to most of their opponents all season (and they have only gained momentum in their post-season games).

But as the FO guys point out, the Falcons' defense faced mostly middling offenses throughout the season as well, and put up worse numbers throughout the season. Their improvement over the last six games still leaves them behind what New England defensive coordinator Matt Patricia is doing with his squad, which is solid but has no true superstars (for example, the season sack leader is DE Trey Flowers, with just 7.0 sacks).

Nor does Tom Brady have any real weapons on offense beyond WR Julian Edelman, who leads the team by far with 1106 receiving yards and just 3 TDs, and RB LaGarrette Blount, who powered 299 carries for 1161 yards and 18 TDs. We can (and do!) hate on Tommy Tuck Rule whenever possible, but the fact is that he and Belichick do more with less, year after year. With no true number-one wideout since Randy Moss, and all-world TE Rob Gronkowski out injured (imploded vas deferens) most of the season, and being suspended the first four games, the Patsies still coasted to a 14-2 regular season record with relatively little trouble or drama.

Fuck them and their spoiled masshole fans, though, and for reasons political as well as sports-related. Brady, Belichick, and team owner Bob Kraft are all shameless butt-lickers for Clownstick, and they can all go die on a fucking island together. And not a nice resort island either, more like some deserted atomic-tested atoll out in the remote western Pacific, where they can draw lots to see who gets eaten first. Our money's on the fat old bastards Clownstick and Kraft getting spit-roasted first, pitting the ageless Brady against the wily Belichick for the final Island Long Pig Showdown.

But uh, in the meantime, Sunday's game should be a good one, and fairly close, even though the last time you had a killer offense versus a killer defense, it was the biggest SB blowout evar, literally from the first play of the game. That game featured a record-setting, knockout D rightly nicknamed the "Legion of Boom," and the architect of that defense was one Dan Quinn, currently the head coach of the Atlanta Falcons. I'm gonna call it right now that Atlanta's defense steps up and gets a few plays on Brady, and gives Ryan and Jones just enough breathing room to bring the Falcons franchise their first Super Bowl victory.

Predicted Score:  Atlanta 37, New England 34.

[Update 2/5/17 7:40 PST:  Well, hell, after making America great again in the first three quarters by rolling to a 28-3 lead, Atlanta shit the bed yuuugely, allowing the fackin' Patsies to tie it up with just eighteen seconds left in regulation, and marching right down the field in the first overtime drive in Super Bowl history, for a 34-28 victory for Team Clownstick. No, I am not consoled by the fact that I guessed New England's exact point total.

Maybe the Falcons should have campaigned in Wisconsin. I keed, I keed.

Even more fun:  apparently Clownstick left his own Super Bowl party before the Patsies mounted their comeback. Sad! Also, too, does Melania have permanent Resting Hostage Face at this point, or what?]

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Our Liberal Media

So glad the intrepid press monkeys didn't get caught up in this Real Housewives of Wrestlemania showboating bullshit. The Republicons flat-out stole this SCOTUS selection, and are going to use it on a 49-year-old junior Scalia, ensuring his presence for the next three decades or so. But hey, let's focus on how professional the presentation was.

And the Dummycrats will most likely put on a half-assed song and dance before narrowly letting Gorsuch sail through without a filibuster, in the vain hope of "keeping their powder dry" or some such. They think if they give a little now, they'll have more to gain at some mythical point down the road. They do not understand that even without Clownstick, they are negotiating with people who have the scruples of a serial child killer. Republicans said "fuck you" to everything and anything Obama did for six years, and paid no political price for it at all. The Democrats are more concerned with being collegial and professional and coloring in the lines. We'll see what that gets them.

In the meantime, really looking forward to the next exciting episode of 'murka's Next Fuckface. Should be a fun season!

Saturday, January 28, 2017

The Lives of Others

The murder of Emmett Till was perhaps the most public of the countless blemishes on the American southern postwar apartheid regime. Some "good" did come from the atrocity -- for starters, Till's murder and the subsequent acquittal of his killers catalyzed the civil rights movement, and inspired To Kill a Mockingbird. It helped begin the dismantling of said apartheid regime, at least in the official sense. Southerners could drawl their "proud" plaints all they wanted, but nothing could undo the contempt they saw in the eyes of the rest of the country and the world.

The "revelation" that the woman at the center of the murder, whom Till made the fatal mistake of flirting with, was lying the whole time, should surprise no one. But in small additional twist of karmic fate, it turns out that Carolyn Bryant Donham's life was, according to writer Timothy Tyson, "ruined" as well.

I'll confess to being just small enough of a person to be gratified, heartened by that fact. Till's murder, it turns out, ruined the lives of his killers, Roy Bryant (Carolyn's husband) and his half-brother, J.W. Milam, the latter of whom was quite open about his glee in putting Till "in his place." Bryant and Milam had their shops boycotted until they had to close, and were basically run out of town, moved to Texas, their notoriety following them, and had difficulty finding gainful employment for the rest of their miserable lives. Both men died in their early sixties of cancer, hopefully in unspeakable pain.

Ordinarily I'd have wished that fate on Carolyn Bryant Donham as well, but it is just as gratifying to know that she's had to live with it all these years. It's still not enough, and one would like to see something more closely resembling actual remorse, rather than mere regret. (Incidentally, Tyson is something of a chump for waiting ten fucking years to drop this bit of information in the first place.)

Donham's lies had impact on the lives of countless others:  her initial lie got a kid murdered, beaten so hard one of his eyes popped out his head; her subsequent lie in court got Emmett Till's murderers off the hook. That willful evasion of justice triggered a massive, painful national upheaval, one which got countless other people beaten and killed. All for the institutionalized refusal to recognize that, as our esteemed founding fathers once wrote, tongues perhaps in their cheeks, that all men are created equal, and are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights.

It's amazing to think of how recent that murder was, a mere three generations ago, most of the principals now rotting in hell, but still relatively fresh in the collective psyche, which turns its soil more slowly, patiently. The people who insist that their stupid confederate flag has a "different" meaning should be forced to read the detailed account of Emmett Till's murder, and others like it that were commonplace throughout the south for a full century after the war supposedly ended. Countless other scumbags got away clean with evil deeds, just as awful as Till's murder.

The Union was way too nice to the traitorous insurrectionist slave states after the war -- every plantation owner should have been shot immediately, and the property redistributed among the people who had been forced under pain of death and torture to work it for free. It would have saved a hundred years of misery for millions of people.

I hope the last sixty years have held nothing but pain and sorrow for Carolyn Donham. I hope she has had regular nightmares featuring Emmett Till's face, pulped beyond recognition just a few weeks after his fifteenth birthday, because of her lies. I hope she lives to be 120, of sound mind, cognizant right up to her final breath of what she did, unable to escape its full weight. But as with most people who are capable of such actions in the first place, it's much more likely that she forgave herself long ago, feels that she paid the price, even though it was she all along who chose to pay it.