Sunday, December 31, 2017

Orange Is the New Asshole

Maybe it's just me, but I won't be at all surprised when it turns out that "Sheriff" Clarke has a snuff porn collection, or a basement full of buttfucked hitchhikers, or he runs a human trafficking ring. There's just something off about the guy, and it's not just the eighty-seven pieces of flair he festoons himself with, in order to virtue signal to the snowflake magats out there. He's not afraid to make the tough decisions, like letting prisoners die of thirst! You sensitive librul pussies will just never understand!

No, it's the sheer glee with which Clarke approaches his institutionally-backed sadism. Someone shakes his head at him reproachfully on an airplane, Clarke is happy to abuse his power and have the guy taken in and pushed around on landing. Dan Black should probably consider himself lucky Clarke didn't have him body-cavity-searched and put on a terror watch/no-fly list. That's really how petty a human being Clarke is. If he has any sons, I can guarantee you that they hate him, and are just waiting patiently for him to be sucked into a jet engine.

Like the fake billionaire Clarke rhetorically fellates every chance he gets, Clarke is a bully at heart, a thug, a creepy asshole, a scumbag who projects all of his sins and hypocrisies onto people who don't have access to the same levels of brute power. He's exactly the kind of person who should never have been allowed to be in law enforcement in the first place, but too often are welcomed into the system with open arms, to do damage until they finally bust up the wrong person.

They're supposed to have psych batteries these days to keep pigfuckers like Clarke away from dangerous toys, but as we see periodically, the dipshits and assholes manage to sneak in from time to time. It's all about what we're able to do about them, and holding them accountable for their actions.

Perhaps most tragically, if you read the letter that was sent to Clarke, it is entirely untrue that "no evidence" was found to support Dan Black's claim. So either Clarke can't read, or like his role model, he is entirely comfortable with LYING.

And despite Clarke's plaintive whining about the eeeevil librul media "bullying" him with their fake news and such, of course it is Clarke himself who has exhibited a longstanding pattern of bullying and extreme sensitivity. Again, all Black did was confirm that Clarke was who Black thought he was, shake his head quietly, say "no" when Clarke asked him if he had a problem, and then moved on. It was Clarke who chose to escalate a simple five-second encounter, because like all bullies, he's a pussy who can't stand it that many people think he's a fucking asshole.

Yet instead of changing his behavior just a touch, Clarke chose to affirm that perception (again, exactly like his idol). Life is all about choices, and Clarke's choice was to abuse his office to push a taxpayer around, just to show he could. Any time someone with that sort of personality disorder is given a position of responsibility, it is practically a guarantee that sooner or later, someone will get hurt.

Are we starting to see a pattern here, a trend? Like I keep saying, assholes keep misbehaving because everyone else decides it's just not worth it to confront them. That might get you out of a particular situation unscathed, but I promise you, for individuals with this flavor of low-level sociopathy, it only encourages them to continue such behavior. After all, why wouldn't they? There is literally no reason not to.

Let's make a collective resolution for the coming year to not let assholes get away with their bullshit anymore. It's what got us into this mess in the first place. Shut them down, all of them, by whatever means are available.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Zen and the Art of Court Stenography; Or, Schmidt Happens

Here's a fun weekend tale of three Twitter threads:  the ambitious Vichy Times journo who tried to pass off an idle, meaningless conversation as an interview; his hack colleague reflexively defending his hackery because, as I said, she too is a hack; and someone who actually knows what journalism is supposed to mean, used to mean in some circles.

The Times' strategery for communicating with this venal, dismal, overgrown infant essentially boils down to just get him talking and he'll reveal himself. Are you fucking kidding? What new thing could this tedious asshole possibly "reveal" about himself that would be of any use? How is it of greater (or any) value for a Very Serious Journamalist to faithfully record his lies and not only not bother to even lightly challenge any of them, but to give verbal assent to some of the worst of the spew?

Snark and insults aside, there really seems to be some dispute among supposedly professional reporters as to what their job actually entails. Heidi Moore lays these duties out methodically in the third link above, so I won't belabor it here; take two minutes and go read her thread. But this is the same sort of crap as the Cletus safari articles -- the responses are overwhelmingly negative, and nothing changes. The journos get defensive and pissy and miss the points and critiques entirely, and then go right back to what they were doing.

We are in the midst of a slow collapse of major institutions we were previously reliant on. The various news corporations are already morally compromised by their respective owners' various fiduciary needs for cordial relationships with gubmint entities. Their inability to update their historical revenue model sufficiently has translated in no small part into counting access as their primary currency. It is more important to them to be seen as available and willing to print a spew of self-serving lies, than to contest even just the most obvious of those lies and false assertions, y'know, during the interview.

Again though, this was not an interview, because interviews have questions and responses and narrative paths inscribed by the give-and-take between the two interlocutors. This was none of those things; this was someone who tells chicks he's a reporter for the New York Times, being used as a patsy by a lifelong professional liar and his servile toady. After saying he would be heading back to work the day after Christmas, the emperor promptly went back to working on his golf game for the rest of the week. Mike Schmidt happened to be a convenient way to keep his name in the news, and all it cost him was a half-hour of regurgitating his usual rally jabber.

The other major institution in slow-motion implosion is the political system, pretty much the entire thing if we keep going along like this. One political party has lost its fucking mind -- its members have decided to sell out the country for a tax cut for billionaires, and its constituents sold out their country for free, just for the feeling of pissing off librul caricatures. The other party tries vainly to figure out how they fucked the proverbial dog so badly, and find their collective spine, as well as conjure up someone younger than retirement age to rally around for the next election cycle.

Now, with the political bastards, all you have to do is follow the proverbial money. That at least is a rationale that makes some sense. They all have to raise a ton of money every day just to run for office, just to keep their seats. It sucks, but there is some logic behind it, however bent.

Ordinarily, you would want to ascribe that motive to the Vichy mediots as well. But it doesn't make sense at all -- the commenters hate this shit at literally a 95+% rate, and are not shy about saying so. And it's not like the Clownstick fantards and the Cletus demographic from the safaris are ever reading the Times or the Post.

So what in the hell is the motive behind this nonsense, for the reporters, the editors, the publishers? In what universe does it make any sense to keep pissing off your own strongest supporters with shoddy, cynical work? No one is saying they can never run out to Pig's Knuckle to take the tempacher at the local grange hall, but there's not even the pretense of balance, the attempt to round up a few people who did not vote for this monster, and see what they think after six months or a year of this daily idiocy.

To be sure, there are still some genuine nuggets of value, the investigative stories that pop up. They can and should keep doing as many of those as possible. Good investigative pieces will always have lasting value. But they are playing a weird game with Mister Man, afraid to upset him. And I can't for the life of me figure out why that is. If he gets pissed and throws them out, that's the story.

He and his minions give nothing of value. They should stop talking to him if he's not going to tell them anything useful. They should stop attending the "press conferences" if Huckabee Junior is just going to lie to them. Who needs it? We already know they're pathological liars; there is no point in hanging around waiting to hear more and dumber lies.

It's not just that those pieces are dumb and useless, they are destructive -- they undermine credibility and trust in the media outlets themselves, because we already know he's a liar who is somehow immune from any and all accountability for his words and actions, so there is no point in reiterating that.

I still hold out some measure of hope for the supposed blue tsunami next year, but if it doesn't come through, you can be almost certain that much if not most of the blame can be put on these limpdick purveyors of state-sanctioned bafflegab, who let themselves get turned out by a senile cheeto-colored old man.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

This Can't Possibly Be Legal

This is probably the only time I'll ever link to the emperor's website, but I promise you there's a reason -- this ridiculous "poll" that takes you to a donation page without showing you the results (of course). Chime in and tell these scumbags to go fuck themselves. The fucking balls on these animals.

Three Things

Okay, so it is Christmas after all, and here are a few good items:

  1. Video of tiger cub "startling" its mother (can't find it on YouTube to link properly, well worth the effort to click). So cool.
  2. Christmas post from Edroso. Really good stuff.
  3. The best Christmas song ever, hands down.

Whatever you celebrate, make it a good one.

Grift of the Magi

Justice might be done, given sufficient time -- but the problem is that we're dealing with creatures who have no loyalty to this country or its people, and are utterly devoid of shame. They got their big payout, screwing the rubes with the usual happy horseshit, and now the emperor is getting pissy, and stepping up the assault on all these institutions of law we've taken for granted for so long.

So what are we going to do about it? The good news is that it looks like a blue wave coming in the midterms; the bad news is that they will do everything to cheat their way out of it, from stealing citizens' franchise from them, to simply tossing ballot boxes into the nearest body of water.

And we're all to blame, in some respect -- Emperor Snowflake, complaisant congress-critters, feckless political opposition, a shitty media, and all of us, including you 'n' me, folks. We didn't take the 'tard insurgency seriously until it was far too late.

The damage they've done in two-and-a-half years (going back to the start of Snowflake's campaign) may never be undone -- to the highest office in the land, to how people were previously expected at least to conduct themselves in a respectable fashion, to repeated media affirmations of epistemic closure and toxic idiocy, to a continued and accelerating inability of political opponents to at least have a commonly shared well of facts whence opinions are drawn.

We've allowed it to happen and we've done it to ourselves, by becoming decadent -- greedy, insular, stupid, lazy, and weak. Too many people have decided to (as Taibbi once memorably put it) live the intellectual lives of farm animals, and the instant virality of our social comms web enables the dumb and the cruel and the toxic to share equal footing -- or even better footing, given our collective predisposition to seek out crap for entertainment -- with competence and honesty.

And we've allowed it in our political choices, as "Republicans" and "conservatives" now simply pick the wingiest of nuts, whatever they think will rub the durned libruls' noses in shit, and "Democrats" and "liberals" are bullied or cowed into picking dickless incrementalists and pelf-grubbing technocrats, as some sort of slow-leaking bulwark against the fanaticism on the other side. Very few of the people in Congress -- on either side -- actually belong there.

This has all happened before, and it has never ended well. The obvious one to read is Gibbon, but if you haven't quite got the time for that, read Michael Psellos' Chronographia, which is not only much shorter, but was written contemporaneously with the events it describes. The problem is the same:  it takes a decadent citizenry to support a decadent emperor and decadent senators. Understanding that the emperor is a symptom and not the disease clarifies the situation -- merely getting rid of the tumor does not mean the cancer has been extricated.

This is why compromise cannot be sought, not if we wish to keep what's left of our rapidly disintegrating country. Too many people are content to believe lies; they're like ancient Sicilian widows with a rosary, clicking each bead one by one as they recite the steps of the Clownstick catechism. There is no getting through to the Branch Clownstickians, they are in it to the bitter end.

Fortunately, there is still a majority in this country that sees things for what they are, but we need to all be on the same page regarding how to wage this battle. Again, forget the cultists and their dotard leader; they will either come around on their own or go down with him. Be more demanding of "Democratic" and "liberal" and "moderate" politicians. Remind Doug Jones and Ralph Northam who really got them there in their upset victories. Be more demanding of corporations. Remind AT&T that their support of the emperor and his works will cost them, every time (see "reminding your politicians").

Be more demanding of the supposedly liberal mainstream media. Tell them to shitcan the endless horserace coverage. Tell them to knock it off with the fucktarded Cletus safaris or you'll drop your subscription. Tell their advertisers you'll stop buying their products.

Half of Puerto Rico is celebrating Christmas in the dark, three months after Hurricane Maria (and we'll probably never know how many people died from the storm and its aftereffects). Alabama just elected its first Democratic senator in twenty-five years. Yet the supposedly liberal Washington Post instead saw fit to head to some dipshit village in Fuckknuckle, Tennessee to stoke the War(t) on Christmas lie.

The battle extends beyond your sworn enemies, to the people who simply pretend to be your friends in order to screw you out of your vote and your money. Season's Beatings, motherfuckers!

The Wart On Christmas

When Fuckface Von Clownstick proclaims that no president has done as much as he has in such a short time, he has a point:  in less than a year, Von Clownstick has managed to ruin football, the internet, and Christmas. As always, the liberal media gets credit for an assist:
“It offends me,” [some random dipshit] continued, “to see at the stores, where they just do ‘Happy Holidays’ or ‘Seasons Greetings.’ It should be ‘Merry Christmas.’ Put Christ back into Christmas. That’s what it’s supposed to be. . . . I just wish we would all get on the same page.”

Trump tapped into this sentiment on the campaign trail when he promised that if he was elected president, everyone would say “Merry Christmas” again — never mind that most Americans never stopped.


“We can’t say ‘Christmas,’ because there’s too many Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus, and it offends them,” said Naomi DePriest, a property manager in her mid-50s whose husband farms, over a lunch of fried catfish and ribs at Hens and Hogs. “I think they should keep Christ in Christmas, which is what they said originally, and to heck with anybody that don’t like it. Anybody that’s Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist, let them do what they want to do, but don’t criticize those that want to keep Christ in Christmas.”
I've gone fifty circuits now on this overburdened blue-green pear, orbiting our yellow ball of fire, and I read way more (and specifically way more political jabber) than any sane person ought to, and I have never -- like not even once -- heard or read of a non-christian or even an atheist complaining about any distinction or preference between "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings" or whatthefuckever people choose to say.

Yes, you occasionally have your ACLU types striving valiantly (and usually in futility) to remove nativity scenes from publicly owned sites, but that's about the extent of it. You want to talk about insufferable fucking snowflakes, these jagoffs are the worst. They are demented in their delusions of persecution. The only time anyone has ever been told what to say during the holiday season has been as a matter of a perhaps more inclusive, if ultimately misguided, corporate policy. Don't like it? Then boycott the company, quit your job, whatever it takes, snowflake. Anything less would make Fentanyl Baby Jebus cry.

It's at least somewhat heartening to know that in the age of modern medical miracles, we have finally achieved the ability to perform brain transplants. Unfortunately, these rubes have chosen to exchange their brains for root vegetables. Ruta-bay-ee-a-ga, ruta-bay-ee-a-ga!

But again, the real problem here is not the angry rubes per se, it's that a national newspaper feels the urge to trudge out to some abandoned shithole where no one lives in the first place, and dutifully stenograph the deep thoughts of these dopey losers. I don't give a fuck what they think about anything, especially not Christmas, and their imagined persecution complex. They can spend the rest of their lives festering bitterly in their broke-ass hick town, wondering why they're being forced at gunpoint to bake cakes for faggots and memorize Family Guy scripts.

I don't care what morons are worried about, and no matter how many times the media-industrial complex humps my naked leg, I will never care. They pollute the world with their idiot nonsense, and the last thing the world needs is more insufferable retards. Unless, of course, their so-called revolution can be monetized.

What a truly liberal media would do is remind them -- remind us all -- that Christmas is really a holiday celebrating an anchor baby whose homeless mama had a bullshit story about her sex life. And they might talk to an actual liberal once in a great while, instead of repeatedly going out of their way to statistically insignificant places, to pretend that the demented ravings of fist-shaking codgers have any truth or utility to them.

Friday, December 22, 2017

All We Want for Christmas is a Level Playing Field

The next time some dipshit conservabot, be it online troll or angry drunk uncle, pulls that "what about George Soros" bullshit on you, they deserve two responses:
  1. A fervent wish that they get cancer in an extremely painful and sensitive area of the body.
  2. What about George Soros? Seriously, what about him?
It's one of the more asinine articles of faith among the cultards that Soros (who's a wink-wink-nudge-nudge J-O-O, y'know) underwrites every act or article of librul perfidy that rankles their tender buttholes. Every protest, every op-ed -- hell, every vote against Dear Leader is taken as gospel proof of Soros' nefarious, far-reaching ways.

As with most of the plaints from these simpering simpletons, it's either total projection or complete ignorance. The fascist wingnut welfare system has flourished for at least half a century, and has been in full bloom at least since Saint Reagan (PBUH) doddered his way through the office, setting a precedent for the current sundowner.

There is no truly liberal counterpart to Faux News or to the welter of wingnut rags (National Review; Weekly Standard; ad nauseam), not when you take into account the respective ownership, audience, influence, and operating procedures. Your typical "liberal" "lamestream" news outlet spends a certain amount of time quivering in dickless equivocation, a futile attempt to pre-emptively placate the critics who simply find something else to critique.

And there is simply no responsible publishing outlet who would bother with loss-leader screeds from the likes of Ann Coulter or Laura Ingraham or Dinesh D'Souza. It's not just because they're performative liars, as a deliberate career choice. It's because they're a bad business investment -- no intelligent person actually reads their jabber. That stuff is there merely to provide the veneer of legitimacy for the losers on the various Faux panel shows to impart to the suckers watching them.

The wingnut outlets spend no time at all on such equivocation. They are quite open about their agenda, and are not in thrall to such outmoded concepts as objectivity and probity and contextual analysis. It is pure Skinner-box hamster-smacking-a-metal-plate-to-get-the-daily-outrage-pellet agitprop. To the extent that there is even an acknowledgement of the quiet funding of the Koch brothers or the Mellons or Scaifes or what-have-you, it is only as a supposed equalizer to the nefarious pelf from the Soros types.

Except there really aren't any Soros types to speak of. You really don't have any deep-pocket true-blue libruls who bother with it on that level. Even back in the day when Ted Turner owned and operated CNN, he delegated most of the daily ops and opinion pieces, and did not interfere on any level approaching how Rupert Murdoch has always run his rape-and-golden-parachutes network.

I keep seeing this stupid Tom Steyer commercial about getting some sort of movement going to impeach Fuckface Von Clownstick. Great, except that doesn't happen without a serious electoral landslide for the Dems, and that doesn't happen without changing some minds out there in Real 'murka. If Steyer wants to help out, maybe he should fund a few House and state legislature candidates or a media outlet, maybe some agitprop books to incite the faithful.

An actual liberal propaganda machine would make hay out of -- just for an easy starter -- this useless asshole, and there are plenty more like him. The problem is that all rich people, regardless of the political badge they flash when they need to, swim in the same pool, and it's a pool that keeps everyone else out. So the putatively liberal ones will only exert so much effort, while the Kochsuckers are tireless -- and their efforts have finally paid off bigly.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

The Dude Is Happy

It can't all be laid at the feet of Chris Cillizza and his ilk, this dopey treatment of serious political issues and events as if they're some silly confluence of entertainment and sports. Obviously this has been going on for some time, and getting consistently worse.

But these are exactly the type of fools I'm talking about when I say boycott them. There is nothing on CNN that is worth half a shit, apart from occasional viewings of Fareed Zakaria or Anthony Bourdain. They are nowhere near as awful as the propagndists at Fixed Noise, but they are terrible all the same, because they act like this is all a big game.

This tax bill is going to gut what's left of Obamacare (that moniker itself a headstone to media incompetence) and some people will die because of it. Other people will continue to languish in a uniquely American sort of envious poverty, the bizarre condition affecting the lower classes of this country that convince too many of them that they are just a lottery ticket away from The Good Life, whatever that may entail.

And the fact is, they don't even know what that entails, because they don't know any rich people. Actual rich people really do have their own systems and means of avoiding teh poorz -- schools, hospitals, restaurants, businesses. Look what happens when a poor person does hit the lottery jackpot -- a few of them mutter something about keeping their job and house, which is fucking moronic, but most of them simply retire. Which makes sense to a certain extent, but also begs the question of what good is a life-changing amount of money if you don't change anything about your life?

But it's what most of us know, because we've become accustomed to being kept in a prone, supine posture. That it's a Gucci boot on your neck should not give you hope, it should simply be a reminder that when an oleaginous cocksucker like Bob Corker pretends to have principles, you better drop what your doing and count your silverware. The old Sam Spade line about "the cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter" still holds.

And ideally that's where a journamalist is supposed to come in and say bullshit, and corroborate that call with the empirical facts. Snark is fine (WaPo's Alexandra Petri has been brilliant on that count for a good couple years at least; this nightmare of a maladministration has ramped up her game), but toothless equivocating just makes you sound like a teenager writing in the slambook.

It should be spelled out:  Paul Ryan is indeed happy, because he shepherded something awful in the dead of night, without deliberation. He and his cohorts literally don't know most of what they just bulled through. Same goes for the Senate. This bill is a crime against working and poor people, and Paul Ryan -- a man who humps the legs of his owners with the Randian gospel, even though Ryan himself has worked for the gubmint his entire adult life -- is ecstatic about accomplishing his psychotic goal.

There should be a story here, something that an enterprising journalist or editorial writer should be able to make hay out of. But too many in the scrivening class are content to come up with silly captions and clickbait Gossip Cop bullshit on their Twitter feeds. When they do get off their asses to slap a few thousand words together it's just, as commenter Alex Mark says in the link, another Cletus safari to see if the cult members are still drunk on the Kool-Aid. (Spoiler alert:  they are!)

I seriously wonder what makes some of these fools get into the line of work that they have, and then to consistently fart out third-rate work like that, meaningless tweets and useless reiterations of unemployed, bewildered rubes in dying factory towns. The golden lining to the current team of chumps in charge is that their spectacular incompetence and arrogance provide virtually endless stories to ferret out and research and bring to a country that is coming apart at the seams. And yet the majority of the scribes are content to do...meh. Same as it ever was.

They could be heroes, just by grabbing a shovel and picking a direction. This is already the most corrupt administration in at least half a century, and it will only get worse, because it is populated top-to-bottom with people who have the ethics of termites. There should be an overabundance of Pulitzer stories to be had.

Instead it's panel shows and dopey tweets, Cletus safaris and arguing with Huckabee Junior at the daily bullshit feed. All snark and polemic aside, it is incomprehensible why any of them settle for doing those things. There is no reason or point to play Huckabee Junior's wicked game, nor is there any insight to be wrung from another he's doon a gud jawb if y'all jest let 'im beeee! list of grievances from the seemingly bottomless pit of L'il Abner characters. But again, they show no signs of learning any of that. And that's what got us into this mess in the first place.

Endless Cycle

For as long as I can recall, the cycle plays out and repeats:  A Democratic president is elected. He is smart, earnest, wants to (at least appears to want to) help the little guy. He cleans up the mess left by his Republican predecessor, balances the budget, embraces the future, works collaboratively with the rest of the world.

Then a sufficient number of paint-chip-eating goobers augment their diet with daily inhalations of rubber cement, and vote for the most preposterous, transparent Republican dipshit they can find. Someone who exaggerates their worst impulses, who vocalizes their limbic tribal fears.

Frankly, I've spent the last few months learning to enjoy the ongoing clusterfuck. I want to see the goobers get everything they voted for, good and hard, even as I sincerely wish that the people who didn't vote for this bullshit had other options. But if the tax cut goes through, then everyone has a choice whether to observe the effects of it honestly, and a choice of whether to learn from it.

And as always, by "learn from it" I mean taking specific actions to counter those efforts and results. Protests and marches and phone calls are nice, but they only get you so far. Everyone is Washington is owned by some rich asshole or corporation, and if you hit them where it hurts, they'll listen. Protests don't cost 'em a dime, but boycotts hit them where they live.

Bob Corker just voted for a tax break for himself, after his usual tiresome mime show about what a "deficit hawk" he is. Let's call him for what he is:  a goddamned liar, and a particularly shameless one at that. But it's important to note where he will make that money, on his real estate investments. So, what are those real estate holdings, and can they be protested or boycotted? Hit that weaselly motherfucker square in his thieving gut. You might as well; you're paying for it regardless.

And the actual vote itself, the action you take at the ballot box. Show up. Take five minutes on election day and be there -- or better yet, take fifteen minutes and register to vote by mail, and bypass the lines and ID checks altogether. Trust me, it'll be the best move you ever made.

Just an example:  we heard for weeks non-stop about the apocalyptic consequences of the Alabama special election last week, yet at the end of the day, about 40% of eligible voters actually showed up. Turnout was down last year as well, when the choices could not have been any more stark. You know why angry old racist crackers keep winning and putting their retard candidates in office? Because they fucking well show up.

There's no shortcut or off switch on this thing, folks. Elections are not Super Bowls, where everyone takes some time off to relax after the time expires on the game. The game never ends, because the wealthy and the powerful never stop looking for ways to steal more money from poor people. Does that sound like work? Good, because it is work.

But it's also work to live a financial life of being permanently forced to run faster and faster just to stay in the same place, especially when it turns out, over and over again, that it's all so a bunch of spoiled white assholes can push a law (which none of them bothered to read) through that will give them all tax breaks, as well as allow hard-working aristobrats like Paris Hilton and the Walton heirs to keep more of the money they never lifted a finger to earn.

Never kid yourself about the cold, hard truth -- these pelf-grubbing assholes don't care about you, whether you live or die, succeed or fail, thrive or wither away. Your life, your family, your community are nothing to them. You are another species, you're livestock. It would be easy to say they hate you, but the fact is that hate would take some effort, and they don't want to expend any effort on the peons, beyond the absolute bare minimum.

What's always amazing is just how many members of the livestock class are more than happy -- eager -- to vote for the slaughterhouse and the butcher, every goddamned time. It's really something to watch. They even buy into the idea that a massive tax giveaway will actually result in lots of good jobs, as opposed to what tax giveaways always result in -- corporate bonuses and shareholder profits. We always joke about how Democrats are like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football, but the Dems got nothing on these fucking rubes, seeing everything through their fentanyl 'n' jebus goggles.

Whether that's the kind of country we want or not, it's the one we have now, and the symptoms and excesses continue to accelerate and accumulate. The falcon stopped listening to the falconer a long time ago. The flood is coming. Get a boat, grab onto something, learn to swim, or be swept away.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

And The Horse He Rode In On

Doug Jones outspent Roah Moah 10:1, and got serious help drawing just enough black voters to get him across the finish line, but goddamn if he didn't just pull of the upset of the year. Congrats, Alabama, you did the right thing, seriously.

More strangely, exit polls tracking Clownstick approval ratings came out dead even, 48-48, in a state he won by nearly 28 points just a year ago. This is not a small thing:  over the weekend, I happened across a Politico article (I know, I know). Along the right sidebar was an ad imploring me to vote for Roah Moah -- however, the photo was not of Moah but of one HRH Fuckface Von Clownstick.

The subtext to this election was that it would be a referendum on Clownstick in one of his strongest states. Maybe not so much; they'll never get tired of the antics and insult-comic distractions, but they might get tired of their hospitals getting closed, their access to health care being steadily diminished, and their hero's complete inability to do much of anything beyond renting out hockey rinks in safe states and peddling the same tired-ass schtick. Build that wall! Lock her up! Cool story, bro. You got both houses of Congress and still can't get shit done, so how's that been workin' out for y'all?

Turns out it's pretty tough to troll librul snowflakes and slurp their tears if you're, y'know, dead. Not to get overly optimistic (after all, the turnout for this thing was projected to be somewhere between 25-30%), but this could turn out to be a harbinger of things to come electorally for the party that tried to sell its soul, only to find out it wasn't worth anything to begin with.

Monday, December 11, 2017

The Witch Hunt Claims Another Scalp

Well, this is fun -- it's rare that I find myself in agreement with Rod Dreher, but when he's right, he's right. That the New Yorker dumps one if their better reporters, Ryan Lizza, over allegations from a single, unnamed accuser, is a bad sign. We are heading into some nasty waters with this me-too trend, where every man will get an opportunity be Harvey Weinstein for at least a few minutes, just long enough to lose his livelihood.

Oh, who are we kidding? Only liberal and Democrat males have anything to worry about; the Republican party and its propaganda arm are more than happy to employ the most thuggish of sexual harassers and gropers. Hell, what Roger Ailes did to the women at Fox was essentially rape, but with financial and professional coercion rather than physical force. He got a $40 million golden parachute.

But again, only one side will police themselves; as always, the first resort of the true liberal is to unilaterally disarm, no evidence required and the accuser can remain anonymous. The reason is because they are as concerned with virtue signaling as they are with doing anything constructive.

I don't give half a shit about overcooked hacks like Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, or Mark Halperin. They have been part of a movement of careerist hacks that has corroded what remains of actual journalism in this country. They are starfuckers. The profession is better off without them.

But Lizza is a real reporter, who investigates and writes real stories about real issues that affect real people. If people should know about why Lizza got fired, then they should know the specifics. There is a spectrum of offenses when we say "sexual misconduct," and there is a difference between Harvey Weinstein and Al Franken. And I'm betting there's a difference between Lauer and Lizza.

Regardless, it won't be much longer before it won't matter whether charges can be substantiated or not -- it will simply be part of damage control to fire people first and investigate later. And if it turns out that it was bullshit, well, them's the breaks.

Yet Another Cletus Safari, Alabama Dingbats Edition

These people just never fucking learn:  the day before a hugely contentious Senate election, perhaps simply to prove that it's not just old angry white wimmins who love them some Roah (I say, Roah) Moah, Cosmo decides to give us all some "insight" into what the future iterations (one of them, I shit you not, is a Moah campaign intern) are cogimatatin'. Well, there's five minutes we'll never get back.

I honestly have no idea what purpose these stupid pieces are intended to serve, but let's note for the record that there does not appear to be any Cosmo article presenting an opposing point of view -- say, even one (1) person of any gender explificatin' to those of us dumb enough to waste time on these things, why they cannot vote for Roah Moah, and are in fact voting for Doug Jones.

Seriously, is there anyone out there who actually cares what these dipshits are thinking, why they do what they do, their excuses for the way they vote? It doesn't matter what they say -- their Christianity is the angel topping a Christmas tree, and their self-professed morals and values are merely the tinsel and lights to get you to look. It's a costume, a pose. It is meaningless.

They will say whatever they think is necessary to rationalize what they know inside to be a wretched choice. And their state will pay for it, as aerospace and tech companies will be the first to start divesting. Good.

We need a better media, one that doesn't keep legitimizing these jabbering retards by taking their pulses every few weeks. Listen close, assholes:  the majority of this country voted against Fuckface Von Clownstick, and his works, and people like Roah Moah. Maybe you should consider talking to a few of them once in a great while, if only to provide the veneer of "balance."

Saturday, December 09, 2017

Tweet Hole Alabama

The weather forecast for Tuesday's Senate election looks favorable for Roy Moore -- it's supposed to dip into the teens. -- joke on the internets

Despite the supposed plaints from random Alabamans whining about "outsiders" tellin' 'em how ta vote, the hard fact is that this is all up to them -- every last bit of it. Electing a piece of shit like Roy Moore will have consequences, and not just because he's the sort of creep that got banned from a mall because he was cruising high-schoolers.

Moore was an incompetent jurist who was removed from his bench twice, for being a Christian Sharia whackjob. He's a fanatical anti-Muslim bigot and homophobe, and recently told a black questioner at a rally that slavery warn't all bad, 'cause there was more fambly valyews then.

(Except for, you know, the slave families that were broken up all the time -- parents watching their children be sold away and vice versa, husbands and wives sold separately, etc.)

So let's be honest about exactly what you're supporting here, Alabama. You can couch it in terms of wanting to support the agenda of another incompetent serial sexual harasser, or getting another SCOTUS justice, or "preserving" "tradition" and "values" -- though, look at the means you're pursuing to justify those ends.

Look, it's pretty simple. If you're tired of blue-state elitists perceiving you as cousin-fucking hillbillies, which choice makes more sense:  defiantly voting for a caricature of a cracker bigot and affirming those perceptions, or sensibly voting for a moderate, pro-gun prosecutor who put child-murdering Klansmen in prison?

Grow the fuck up. Do the right thing. Stop voting by temper tantrum, and start reading and thinking for yourselves, instead of what your orange grifter king and his flying Fixed Noise monkeys bullshit you with.

Because frankly, it wouldn't take a whole lot to make it hurt. Enough letters to Mercedes-Benz and they move their plant to a state that wants to live in this century; enough threats of a boycott to CBS and they stop broadcasting Crimson Tide games. You want to return to the 1950s and tell the rest of the nation to go fuck ourselves, we can certainly return that favor. And as much as you may resent the supposed smug elitism of your detractors, electing a crank like Moore will only confirm those assertions.

I would like to be proven wrong. I would love nothing more than to wake up Wednesday morning, and see that Doug Jones has squeaked into the US Senate. It would be worth it to apologize for making unkind assumptions. But again, the choice is up to you, Alabama, not the rest of us. Vote for something besides he hates the same people I hate, for once in your miserable lives.

Or don't. Keep riding the Chump Train and see what that gets you -- higher taxes and no health care, so that your cult leader and his billionaire butt-buddies can keep living high on the hog at your expense. Because the fact is that, despite that stupid county map the dotard keeps waving about (probably sleeps with it, and has a small hole cut into it so he can fuck it once in a while), the most productive parts of this country by far voted for her.

So you can grow up and join the 21st century, or you can flip off us elitist book-readers and stick with the fentanyl 'n' jebus strategy that's been working out so well. Either way, good luck.

Head Count

I've mentioned this several times before, but of course no one listens to me:  every time the pustulent fucktard steps out to do one of his dipshit rallies, the very first thing our intrepid librul media need to do is publish the capacity of the venue and the actual attendance. I don't know why this is so fucking difficult. Every major venue has a fire marshal overseeing the events taking place there, and they get a head count.

It's not rocket science, but apparently it is. None of the national write-ups caught it; at best they do their lame "thousands" estimates, because they have no idea. "Thousands" tells us nothing; that could mean two thousand or twenty thousand or fifty thousand.

In this case, only the Pensacola local media sort of had a reasonable (though still insufficient) estimate:
Thousands of people filled the 12,000-seat Pensacola Bay Center on Friday night for [Fuckhead]'s "Make America Great Again" rally as hundreds were left waiting in line to get in as the doors were closed.
There's that word again, but at least you know the full capacity of the venue. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about the Pensacola Bay Center's capacity:
The Bay Center has a capacity of 8,150 for hockey games, and as much as 10,000 for non-hockey events.
Why is this stuff important? Because it drives him nuts, and he can't stand feeling, um, short-changed. It's especially important when a journo steps on his dick retweeting a photo from before the rally, showing empty seats.

Also -- and pay attention here, journos and wannabes, because this is the crux of the biscuit -- that number is a salient fact. When you are talking about someone who bullshits and exaggerates everything, literally everything, it is a solid fact that you can muster in this eternal, pointless quest to point out when lying liars are lying. At the very least, it shows that you're trying.

You would think that it would be of particular importance that a Snopes article clarifying that particular instance would (again) mention the name of the venue and the capacity, and the relative ratio of capacity to actual attendance, rather than an idiotic parsing of what "packed to the rafters" means.

And Dave Weigel? Don't apologize to that turd. Ever. Especially over the veracity of a tweet. Throw it back in his face with full pot-calling-kettle-black force. For fuck's sake, grow a pair already.

[Update 12/9/17 11:27PM PDT:  Dave Weigel is certainly sharp enough to know that no good deed goes unpunished, but sure as shit, even though Weigel deleted his erroneous tweet within twenty minutes, the emperor is still calling for Weigel to be fired. If Weigel has any spine, he'll retweet the scores of the emperor's own tweets that are pure, unadulterated bullshit (or, in the polite parlance of the journo, "factually erroneous") and throw it right back in his face.

Not to mention how routinely his favorite "news" organs, Breitbart and Fox, don't even bother with "facts" and just shit out whatever makes their trained-seal audience bark the loudest. For fuck's sake, the asshole got in the ring with several years' worth of birther nonsense.

I'm telling you right now, either these media monkeys start standing up for themselves, like the day before yesterday, and punch back, or they're going to be out of jobs anyway. Simple choice, folks -- die on your feet or live on your knees, or get forced out by bullshit and you'll have a new career asking folks if they'd like fries with that.]

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

Advanced Calvinball

The rules of Calvinball are as simple as they are impossible to codify:  no two games of Calvinball are alike; the rules change from game to game; whoever has the ball makes the rules. It's an apt metaphor for many things in life, particularly our political process, which appears daily to be more and more beyond retrieval.

I'm not too concerned with the abrupt way in which Rep. John Conyers was shoved out the door, except that it comes in the heat of the current sex-harassment witch-hunt environment. There are many other reasons Conyers should go, in addition to him being a creep. For one, he's 88 years old, yet another reminder that our federal body of governance needs to set at least modest retirement benchmarks.

Conyers' civil-rights record is respectable, but at this point he's just another pervert gerontocrat who thinks he's permanently entitled to his congressional seat, and all the perks that come with it. His first instinct upon departure was to endorse his son, who has no political experience and was involved in a domestic violence complaint earlier this year, to succeed him.

Conyers has held his seat for fifty years. He must know or have met at some point at least one (1) person who isn't related to him or beholden to him, who is qualified to succeed him. But his natural impulse is to perpetuate the dynasty. That tells you everything you need to know.

More concerning is the quickness in which Al Franken's fellow Dems have turned on him. To be sure, Franken has done himself no favors with his behavior, just the parts he's admitted to and been dumb enough to be photographed doing. However, Franken also immediately called for an ethics investigation into his own conduct, not exactly the go-to move for a true predator.

And as a point of pure practical utility, this is more of the usual bringing-a-spork-to-a-gunfight mentality that underpins everything the Democrats do. The Republicans are about ready to send a child molester to the fucking Senate, not to mention their fearless "leader," a serial adulterer who bragged in one of his ghost-written turd-swipers about fucking other men's wives, and in more recent years, was caught boasting on tape about his prowess at grabbing pussy. And then there's Scott DesJarlais. A real media would hounded that scumbag into eating his Smith & Wesson five years ago.

The Republicans strung this out masterfully, first shaming Democrats into getting rid of whatever cash Harvey Weinstein sent their way, then in making false equivalences between Franken playing grab-ass with middle-aged women and Roy Moore chasing teenage poon in his thirties.

It's not hard to see the practical ramifications of pushing Franken out, right here and now. MN governor Mark Dayton can appoint another Democrat, and that person will have close to a year to prepare to run for a full term. But that's really the only benefit for them. They will not get karma points or moral high ground for taking that supposed high road.

See, while the Democrats are playing their usual-brand of charisma-free rudderless politics-as-usual, the Republicans are playing a more advanced, intense version of Calvinball. It has two basic rules:
  1. The rules are whatever we say they are, when we say it, subject to change without notice.
  2. Go fuck yourself.
Mewling criticisms from effete media weasels mean even less than the same from their Democratic colleagues. They do not care, and they want to certain that everyone understands that. They protect their perverts without fail, and they will never apologize for it. They understand intrinsically that voters respond most viscerally to someone -- right or wrong, that cannot be over-emphasized -- with balls, much more than on policy specifics, or being "honest," or any of that horseshit.

The most powerful voting criterion right now is "he/she hates the same people/things I hate," followed closely by "he/she doesn't take any shit." Obviously these are the abiding principles of the Republican party as it currently stands, but I would suggest that the Democrats could use at least a small dose of that, just a quick bump to get them moving forward again.

Because you can't vote for people who you neither respect nor fear, and right now, all most people -- Democratic voters included -- see is a circular firing squad that thinks their virtue-signaling actually means anything. We'll see how much it means once the Republicans and Russians perfect how to weaponize the Dems' instinct to always believe every accuser before any real information is known or verified.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Captive Audience

Back in the Eighties [Hail Reagan!], when I was in high school, a bizarre and shocking local story gained national attention. A married couple a half-hour away had kept a woman as a sex slave for seven years. The husband had kidnapped the woman (named Colleen Stan) in 1977 when she was hitchhiking, and had brainwashed her early on during her captivity into believing that he worked for some secret "Company" that would murder the woman and her family. The husband had already been treating his wife as a sex slave, and she, battered and broken, acquiesced to his perversions (probably a bit relieved to not be focus of his perversions for a while).

Imagine -- this woman was kept in a locked wooden box under their water bed, twenty-three hours a day most days, brought out only to be raped and fed. That went on for several years.

Perhaps most inexplicably, Colleen Stan was "allowed" to go visit her family in 1981, after four years of captivity. Stan was so brainwashed by her captor's empty threats that she returned to him after the family visit.

The old cliché is that we humans only use ten to fifteen percent of our brains' capacity. Obviously they are very powerful, our brains. But that power is a double-edged weapon, in that it can be turned against its owner by someone craftier, wilier, crueler. Other elements such as passivity, inertia, fear, careerism, or just lack of will, can also factor into an individual being persuaded not to use their wonderful brains, to not see what is right there in front of them.

Things keep happening in and around the White House, the administration, its minions and dogsbodies and agents of misfortune, and I find them baffling.

If you are a World War 2 veteran being "honored" at the White House with some meaningless jabber and a borderline slur right in front of a portrait of a literal force for Native American genocide, you can leave. You do not have to stay; no one can force or intimidate you. You have agency.

Similarly, and more ongoing, is the ugly dynamic of the utterly useless and completely demeaning pro forma ritual of the White House press conference. It is rare that anything genuinely informative has ever transpired at one of these things, no matter who's in charge, but under the current crew of sadists and morons, it is merely a tedious routine in cheap propaganda. Its perpetrators no longer even bother to pretend to try or care. Eat shit and go fuck yourselves is the prevailing tone, day after soul-crushing day.

So why do the career journamalists persist in this meaningless exercise? They know before they head into the room that nothing useful or informational will be uttered, that every word will be a lie, including and and the, that Huckabee Junior comports herself as a crude blend of Annie Wilkes and Nurse Ratched, a joyless sort who gets an endorphin rush every time she washes her kid's mouth out with soap for saying darn or gosh. What a job that must be, to stenograph lies and hope futilely that someone out there will give enough of a shit to do anything about it.

It's only a mater of time before Huckabee Junior makes it a standing rule that they have to wear dog collars and zippered gimp masks, and preface each question with Thank you sir, may I have another?

In the meantime, these Serious Journos really need to ask themselves:  Is this what I mean when I tell my parents that my job is interesting and important, that my role is vital to a free and open society?

One thing about these soulless fuckers running this shitshow is that they have given writers countless more things to write about than any previous administration. And the real fun isn't even starting yet. So why on earth would anyone want to sit there and be lied to and treated like shit by a truly nasty piece of work, to stenograph the lies she spews without batting a fake eyelash? That's not work, that's merely a routine.

You do not have to sit there and take shit from these horrible people. There is no value in being in the same room as they are; the atrocities can be recorded and analyzed from many other angles, any of them by definition more true and accurate than the one being spoon-fed to the crowd in the press room. They're afraid of losing access, but what value is access to these fucking reprobates? You would not want to be caught in the same room with Fuckface Von Clownstick or Huckabee Junior in a social engagement, and they are never going to share any useful -- or even true -- info with you. So what, again, is the point in playing their reindeer games?

Noted fake news org CNN has the right idea with declining the invite to the WH Christmas party. So far, the rest of the major news outlets are too cowed by their need to maintain "decorum" to grow a pair, but they should understand something by now -- the line has already been drawn. It is up to them which side of that line they prefer to be on.

They are not being forced to do their job under their self-imposed constraints. They are not being kept in locked boxes under waterbeds; their families are not being threatened. There is no outside coercion, physical or mental. Their limitations in this ugly instance are entirely of their own choosing. They have opted for the false hope of maintaining a sense of normalcy.

But none of this is normal, not at all, and journalists more than other occupations do a disservice to themselves and to their customers by continuing the pretense that any of it is normal. No one is making them sit there for their useless ritual of lies and abuse. No one is making them go on their stupid Cletus safaris -- again, an already useless pro forma exercise in reiterating ad nauseam the magical thinking and ignorant self-defeatism of your average slot jockey or meth addict. No one needs or wants a useless write-up of how "normal" and "average" the neo-nazi dipshit down the street turns out to be. Guess what guys:  he eats his cereal with a spoon, just like everyone else! Yeah, thanks for the heads-up there, Ed Murrow, I feel more informed by the nanosecond.

Meanwhile, there are millions of Hillary voters who would be more than happy to remind these wretched scriveners that every day is a reminder that we were right, that we are constantly vindicated in our blanket assumptions about this serial grifter, this borderline-retarded reality-teevee clown. Where's my article, where's my focus group, you bozo motherfuckers?

How many identical profiles of the stupid and the stubborn do we need to see in one lifetime? We get it -- there's no talking these assholes out of their trees. I lost count of these moronic articles months ago, but have yet to see even a single one profiling a few folks who voted against stupidity, against the evil clown.

This is when it's helpful to remember that despite their pious plaints, journos work for media conglomerates, and those companies are in the business of selling us giant pick-'em-up trucks and cheeseburgers and tampons and pills we don't really need. And the pitch they use to get us into the tent and keep us there is conflict. It's a surefire gimmick -- a ridiculous spray-painted man with ridiculous hair who says ridiculous things, defying people to correct or oppose him. Panel shows and common-taters have infinite job security in clucking daily at the malfeasance, while the ridiculous man knows that none of them have the balls to take him on.

The secret weapon of the bully is not the threat of force, or even the use of force. Bullies know instinctively that most people are passive, and wish to avoid confrontation. Normal people want things to go back to how they were, or at least to go easy. Things will eventually blow over, that sort of thing.

And that's what the bully counts on, that the victim would rather curl up and wish for someone to make it stop, than to stand up and fight back, or at least walk away. Now, most of us are never going to be in the same room as this pustulent pile of bile, and for that we should be grateful.

But the ones who are in proximity, they need to be reminded -- you don't have to accept it, you don't have to put up with it. Stop convincing yourself with nonsense about "respecting the office" -- he has no respect for the office or the country or for you, and unless enough people make it clear that they are not taking his shit anymore, it is his aim to change and twist the nature of the office to his liking.

When they talk about norms and rules and precedents and customs of the office and how the executive is supposed to do things, they are talking merely about expectations. None of the norms are legally binding, you see, so agreeing to abide by them is purely voluntary. This is bad enough when you have a ricockulous buffoon like Emperor Snowflake contorting those norms, but when you allow those precedents to be trampled without consequence, you allow the way to be paved for someone, smoother, slicker, smarter.

The healthiest thing for this country right now would be for its major media organizations, while they still can, to seize the remaining vestiges of their collective self-respect, and stop participating in these rituals and exercises that ad no value and only perpetuate the abuse and this overweening sense of unearned privilege this clown and his insane posse have cultivated for themselves. Nothing is stopping you from standing up and walking out, and investigating and reporting instead of merely transcribing.

Do it, for yourselves, for your readers and viewers, for the country you claim you love. Stand up. Walk out. Find the truth and write it and shout it, and do it again and again. Reclaim the self-respect you probably had before you set foot in that vile room with those vile fucking people. A "career" that consists of ritualized daily self-abasement is not much of a career, and is certainly not honest work.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Ridiculous People

Because he's a ricockulous, spray-tanned slab of shit, Emperor Snowflake deigned to spend Thanksgiving "visiting" some Coast Guard members with -- reader, I shit you not -- fucking turkey sandwiches and mini-bags of tater chips. Nice, right? Way to support Our Sacred Troops, asshole -- have Subway cater your bullshit Thanksgiving handjob. What a useless fucking chump he is.

During which, of course, because he operates in the washed-up never-was schlock-rocker "enough about me, what do you think about my album?" demi-monde, he regaled the hapless attendees with his illustrious accomplishments.

Fuckface Von Clownstick is the "political" equivalent of Meat Loaf trying to pick up chicks in 2017 by singing parts of Paradise by the Dashboard Light. He seriously has no idea just how goddamned ridiculous he is, every fucking time, every step of the way. First name's Jerk, last name's Off.

Hopefully, many of us have things to be thankful for, away from the feculent sewer of this man and his entire oeuvre of louche incompetence. At or near the top of such a list should be the fact that none of us had to spend one precious moment around this wretched excuse for a human being and his enabler. These people are fucking awful, and they're going down, and for that we can all be thankful.

Monday, November 20, 2017


I think we all underestimated Fuckface Von Clownstick to some extent, but the real problem, both in scope and degree, is just how badly we overestimated our fella 'murkins. It's also true some extent that if people had been given better choices, they'd have made better decisions, but Jesus H. Christ. As Frank Rich helpfully reminds us, George Wallace had a decent chance at election until he got shot.

You wanna worry about underestimating things, worry about underestimating just how many petty, venal, vicious bastards there are still out there, and combined with how many people who are simply too ignorant or lazy to bother with any of it, these things will come to pass from time to time.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Runnin' With the Devil

So this is fun. Mo Brooks is a slimy sack of crap; it is truly a shame he didn't take a header down those marble steps and land on his face. These people would literally rather vote for a creep who sexually assaulted teenagers when he was in his thirties, and was literally banned from a mall, than for someone who sent murderous domestic terrorists to prison.

Alabama can get its collective back up and whinge about "Yankees" tellin' 'em whut ta do, but the fact is that this is a test for that state. They need to step up and decide what they're about. It's too late for Roy Moore (and the mediots need to stop referring to him as "judge" -- he's been forcibly removed from that position twice) to be removed from the ballot, so the choice is between Roy Moore and Doug Jones. Period.

So no nudging, Alabama, but what are you about as a state? Forget all the "dummycrats is sociamalists" mumbo-jumbo excuses -- you either support a skeevy pederast, or you don't. Either you stick with the Cletus the cousin-fucker stereotypes or you reject them. You're either the state of Bob Ewell or of Atticus Finch. You cannot have it both ways anymore.

Same goes for the Republican Party, which is still fundraising and canvassing for Moore, despite their public plaints; same goes for the GOP voters. Sometimes a moment comes along where you have to decide how you want to define your team, and this is one of those times.

The Goopers are really stuck on this one, and they know it. There are a couple of longshot scenarios to consider here, but they're not completely out of the realm of possibility:
  1. Jeff Flake's seat in AZ is up for grabs, as is Bob Corker's in TN, and "Everybody Hates" Ted Cruz has to run for his seat next year as well. Things are not rolling the Goopers' way lately, and these are all gettable for the Dems.
  2. Moore loses or is pre-emptively disqualified per the actions of the leaders of his own party, and he rallies the same breed of deplorable who are chomping at the bit to kill and/or die in the service of Fuckface Von Clownstick. A schism is created in the Republican party, and a breakaway "populist" party takes on the "establishment" party. Popcorn companies do record business, and the Dems sweep the midterms hard. Clownstick goes into full Downfall bunker mode, watching his idiot MAGA fantasy go up like a tire fire.
The second one is admittedly a very long shot, because no matter what these weasels say, politics is really more about the money than the ideology, and it's hard to imagine the sort of genuinely wealthy person who wants to invest in a Howdy Doody-looking asshole like Roy Moore, with his totally-not-a-closet-case leather vest and the pew-pew pea-shooter he needs in order to feel safe buying his Starbucks. But there's always some douchebag Robert Mercer / Foster Friess type out there who didn't work hard enough for his money to have any respect for it.

Either way, what a difference a year makes, especially when your enemies are so consistently ridiculous. It is truly a joy watching these assholes screw the pooch and turn on each other. May the aneurysm fairy start making the rounds, and they all ride the escalator to hell sooner rather than later.

Saturday, November 11, 2017


It has become (rightly) an article of faith that Russian troll farms and social media strategies helped the Clownstick campaign close the deal. Part of the rationale is Putin's well-known dislike of Hillary Clinton, part of it is Putin's ability to see that he'd have a much easier time manipulating Clownstick to remove sanctions and do business.

Arguably the most significant and substantial reason for the Russians to get involved in the 2016 campaign is the same as their logic for disseminating influential propaganda throughout Europe to influence their elections. Fomenting chaos works in the Russians' favor, as far as geopolitical strategy goes. In a vast country with a dwindling population, chaos is a force multiplier for them.

So let's pose a hypothetical, in context of the Democrats and liberals currently fulminating against the perfidy of the Clownstick campaign's cozying up to what should have been obvious attempts by a foreign power to influence an American presidential election. Let's say that in keeping with the prime directive of sowing chaos, the Russians decide to influence the midterms in favor of Democratic candidates. No secret meetings, no kompromat, none of that, they just independently decide to put the trolls to work to flip the Senate and or House back to the Dems.

Beware of Russians bearing gifts, is all I'm saying. They are not specifically pro-Clownstick or pro-Republican, except insofar as that party and its current leader are more malleable in terms of temperament and venality. They are pro-chaos, simple as that. Chaos and disruption lead to paralysis, especially in terms of foreign policy. We are already there, and this is just the start.

And in the longer-term areas of foreign policy, we are becoming more screwed by the day. This doddering old moron is dragging this country under, through the sheer force of his utter stupidity. He thinks he's some sort of genius because he supposedly has some verbal handshake with the Chinese to back down their economic support of the North Koreans.

Never mind that China -- and the rest of the world -- doesn't have the same Viagra-fueled boner for NK that Old Man Clownstick does, and that the Chinese are content to continue with checkbook diplomacy to move their "One Belt One Road" great project along.

(George Friedman's strategic analysis, claiming that OBOR is "doomed to failure," is worth checking out, but the fact is that China is ready to take twenty years and hundreds of billions of dollars to make this project happen, and a lot can and will happen in that time.)

Never mind that the one person Clownstick is too afraid to criticize with a rage-tweet -- Vladimir Putin -- will just step in and help the Norks out, because he can, because the history of Russia is one of buffer states and proxy wars. Maybe Clownstick really thinks Putin is his friend, or that they can be business partners; he clearly seems to believe that since Putin insists he "didn't meddle," that should be enough for us. (Or maybe he really thinks everyone's that stupid. More likely he just doesn't give a shit either way. Remember, everything about this asshole is an act of defiance. What are you gonna do about it, prole?) Either way, the only role he has for the Russians is as a complicit dupe.

Everyone who thought this dumb old bastard was some sort of genius deal-maker because of his stoopid teevee show should be forced to, I dunno, live in one of his scam housing developments, bear the direct brunt of his serial idiocy. That seems only fair.

This guy "does deals" like old people fuck. His approach to "business" is the old saw about how when you owe the bank a million, you have a problem, but when you owe the bank a billion, the bank has the problem. Similarly, his approach to "making a deal" boils down to lying through his teeth and hoping the other guy is stupider than he is. Winning!

So don't be too surprised if the Russian interference in 2018 and/or 2020 extends to the Democrats -- or more likely, to both parties. The idea is to pit us against each other, heighten the already dangerous levels of polarization. And because you can't have a scam without willing marks, it's going to work, and the imperial death spiral will continue apace.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Less Is Moore

So let's see if we have all this straight:  Roy Moore has been fired twice from his judgeship because he's an incompetent christian sharia fascist, has taken campaign money from neo-nazis, paid himself a fat six-figure salary from his "charity," opined that Muslims should not be allowed to serve in Congress and homosexuals should be jailed -- but now, now, now that some Clownstick-voting mouth-breather has finally stepped forward after forty fucking years and talked about a 32-year-old Moore diddling her when she was 14 [so, in fourth grade? -- Ed.], he's finally considered unfit for the fucking job? Really?

Reminds me of the South Park episode right before the election (in the wake of the pussy-grabber tape), where Mr. Garrison/Clownstick went on an insult-comic tour and starts talking Dice Clay-style about sticking his finger up women's asses. Women start leaving the audience, glaring at their husbands to follow suit. Garrison cuts into his monologue and says, "Oh, you were fine when I talked about fucking all the illegal immigrants to death, but you have a problem with me sticking my finger up a woman's ass! Good to know you have boundaries!"

Much is being made of the Goopers' pussy (pardon the pun)-footing around this story with the two word qualifier if true. Friends 'n' neighbors, let's just dust off the ol' chainsaw and cut straight through the proverbial bullshit here -- it doesn't matter if these ancient allegations are true or not. Moore is manifestly unqualified and unsuitable for the job of US Senator many times over, on things we know with absolute certainty and which Moore has made no secret of, without ever needing to chase down the forty-year-old rabbit hole of whether he had a taste for teenage girls when he was in his thirties. Disgusting, sure. But he's already disgusting in many other more legally problematic ways.

Jesus H. Christ, he's literally compared the legalization of gay marriage to the Dred Scott decision, which only underscores the fact that he should never have been let anywhere near a courtroom in the first place, except perhaps as a defendant. A competent media would not be letting dipshits like Ben Sasse and Jeff Flake seek rhetorical cover over their sudden case of the vapors; they would be asking every single Republican senator how they feel about all the other things Moore has said over and over, and will say again with minimal prompting. He's proud of his 18th-century views of the world.

Fuck this shit. That state and this country deserve a turd like Roy Moore in the Senate. Hell, I'll vote for him for preznit. This country needs a goddamned enema, and this Howdy Doody-lookin' motherfucker is just the man to stick his hose up 'murka's stuck poop-chute.

More seriously and less polemically, this is and should be a very clear litmus test as to which side lives its principles. Think about all the recent "sexually inappropriate" scandals that have come out recently. Harvey Weinstein is done, and probably facing criminal charges. Kevin Spacey's career is likely over. Louis C.K.'s movie got dropped, and his show hasn't been funny in several years anyway. On the other side, Roger Ailes got a $40m golden parachute, Moore has a decent shot at a seat in the US Senate, and Fuckface Von Clownstick got elected. Only Bill O'Reilly had any consequences as a result of his behavior, and that was only after Fixed Noise shelled out tens of millions of dollars for multiple settlements.

And there are plenty of animals out there who would be happy to vote for Moore even if he had been caught red-handed fucking that 14-year-old, because decades of immersion in Hutu Power Radio has conditioned them to believe that Democrats = sociamalism, and a sociamalist is literally worse than a pedophile or even a murderer. That is not an exaggeration.

I have no idea how you even respond or relate to around-the-bend idiots like that, nor is it worth the effort to try. Leave them alone, let them fester in their bitterness and racism, life's losers in their fucking hick towns, refusing to learn about the world outside their clapboard existence, refusing to retrain for a skill that is actually valuable. Do not try to win them over, do not rub it in with I-told-you-so's -- but also don't fall for the Michael Moore schtick that we have to listen to them.

Seriously, what the fuck are we supposed to listen to from someone like Pam Schilling, from the Politico article, with the charming bit at the end about what NFL really stands for? How do you meet halfway with an idiot in denial? And why don't they ever have to meet anyone else halfway, ever? They are in the minority, after all.

The media don't seem to know this simple empirical fact, though. Every few weeks another one of these stupid "Cletus safari" pieces turns up, giving voice to these awful fucking people, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. I don't care what jabbering idiots think about anything, and there is nothing informative about these pieces, except maybe to affirm what we all know -- that you can't fix stupid.

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Fuck 'em All, Let Billy Graham Sort 'em Out

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. -- Voltaire

The fuck 'em never stops:

More people in some key counties [Fuckface Von Clownstick] carried in the 2016 presidential election say the U.S. is worse off now than say it is better off, according to a new survey.

An NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll surveyed residents of 438 counties that saw a surge last year for [Clownstick] or flipped to vote Republican in the 2016 election after previously going for President Obama in 2012.

The poll found 32 percent of people in those "[Clownstick] counties" think the country is better off now than it was before [Clownstick] assumed office.

But 41 percent think the country is worse off.

A majority of people surveyed, 53 percent, don't think the [fucktard] has a clear agenda.

Nearly half of respondents, 48 percent, said they approved of [Clownstick]'s job performance. But 50 percent of respondents disapproved of the [fucktard]'s job performance.

I recall making a similar Voltairean "prayer" when these incompetent rubes elevated their incompetent doofus to a job that actually requires some skills and traits that are not easy to come by: intelligence, discipline, compassion, patience, focus, curiosity, empathy, honesty (with oneself at least), a sense of humor, a knowledge of history and context, the ability to see the big picture, knowledge of how things get done in the mechanics and procedures of gubmint. That plea to an indifferent void can be summed up thusly: I hope these idiots get exactly what they voted for. And they are, they have, they will. Because he has none of the skills enumerated above, not even one.

And he is not going anywhere, not anytime soon. The walls are starting to close in, the edifice starting to crumble, the clothes turning to mostly imaginary rags and tatters. Mueller is going to skull-fuck this administration, whether or not he is able to root out the rotten head of this mafiya lineup. But Mueller is methodical, and plays this out slowly, patiently, carefully. He leaves nothing to chance. This will take some time.

So if this trend in polls and events and arrogant stupidity continues, the angry rubes will get to watch their hero reveal himself as the moron most of us knew he was all along. But they'll be the ones stuck with him, in their no-way-out dead-end destitution.

I don't know what to tell ya, folks. This is what you wanted, this is what you got. He is exactly what he told you he was -- a drunk on a barstool, full of volume and bluster, and completely unencumbered by knowledge or facts or even basic decency. You fell for it. Maybe you should let your lawnmower mechanic remove your brain tumor, since expertise don't matter, and reading is an elitist activity. Good luck with all that.

Fuck You, Emperor Snowflake

Looks like in spite of their complete inability to cobble together a coherent proactive message, or unify around any sort of figure to move them collectively forward, Democratic candidates swept the field in a variety of races on all levels all over the country. The message is clear, and hopefully gains momentum as Mueller keeps flipping the Russian rats, and more people simply get tired of Preznit YouTube Comments Thread.

What makes it even more hilarious is that Snowflake, balls deep in monkey-fucking our Asian trade arrangements, couldn't help but take a moment and bury Special Ed Gillespie in his (at the time of this post) nine-point loss to Ralph Northam.

As the Post article spells out, this is the sort of thing that will end up being Snowflake's undoing. Unlike Luther Strange, Ed Gillespie openly embraced the scaremongering and fear-jabber that has endeared Von Clownstick to his rube base. It didn't work (no, make that it really didn't work), and Snowflake unnecessarily went out of his way to piss on Gillespie's electoral grave. (Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, sez I.)

So he doesn't help electorally, and is disloyal to a fault, even when he doesn't need to be. The Republicans still running their anti-freeze lemonade stand maintain the delusion that their dementia-addled fake tycoon can get them across the finish line on those fucking tax cuts (for people who hide their money in Bermuda in the first place). They are as monomaniacal in their obsession as the emperor is in his.

The contest will become one concerning which faction is more beholden to their respective obsession -- the McConnell-Ryan faction to their damned tax cuts for people who don't need them, or Fuckface Von Clownstick's unshakeable self-regard. Tonight's electoral debacle will rattle the so-called GOPe weasels, but not quite enough to stop pushing for their donors. They'll keep going until it gets snapped off in their asses in the midterms.

Edroso also has a nice take on it from the "cultural" angle. In the wake of the second major mass shooting in less than five weeks, the rightard scriveners' claque may have gone to the "thoughts and prayers" well once too often for too many people. Only a complete dipshit would seriously think that "leftists" are mocking prayer in and of itself by ironically spitting the trope back at them.

Listen close, assholes, just so there's no confusion, real or otherwise:  Faith without works, according to the New Testament, is dead. Empty prayers aren't changing full coffins -- this time, in the case of Sutherland Springs, including more than a dozen children, including a fourteen-month infant. That's not to insist on confiscating all guns or some such; rather, it is a challenge to the empty-prayer folks to either do something, anything, or just shut the fuck up.

Only a full-on certifiable halfwit would be anything but repulsed by the sight of two disgusting people opining on how church is the best place to be shot. As the saying goes, that's a special kind of stupid, but it's also pretty fucking revolting. It would be one thing for them to go through the usual routine of shoulder-shrugging "whaddaya want us to do?" plaints about how the shooter got his guns legally, yada yada. But it's intolerable to decent people to watch these scumbags use the lives of slaughtered children to created twisted rhetoric for the sole purpose of impugning the folks who are simply wondering how many more times?

I've always taken some measure of pride in being a cynical bastid, but seeing the crude gestures of conservatard lowlifes from David French to Ainsley Earhardt, clearly I have some catching up to do.

Surplus Population

Humans ruin everything. Pray for the meteor.

Saturday, October 28, 2017


Hopefully the beginning of the end is nigh, but hope is neither a plan nor a shovel. It's more like the beginning of the beginning, and which way this goes is going to depend on a lot of factors. The Republicans -- including the newly anointed "mavericks" Corker and Flake -- are willing to go down with the SS Clownstick, so long as they push one more tax cut for the rich fucks who count their money by weight.

If you believe that the conduct of this maladministration is treasonous (and Seth Abramson has painstakingly constructed such a case for months with countless Twitter mega-threads), and you believe (reasonably) that most or all US Senators know even more of the details than we peons, then it's simple math to figure that the Goopers that still support these treacherous fucks are at best opportunistic bastards, but really just willing accomplices.

(The Uranium One story sounds like the usual distractive bullshit, but let's just state for the record that if Mueller wants to investigate that as well, that's fine, and regardless, if any criminal conduct is found in that, then those involved should face appropriate criminal prosecution and justice. Period.)

So the majority party in this country has already made it abundantly clear that rules, norms, and laws mean little. They stole a Supreme Court seat in broad daylight, for fuck's sake. Overlooking a little bidness treason is just something friends do for each other, when there's tax cuts on the line and they're scared shitless of the rube base.

All of which makes it very difficult to be optimistic about the Mueller investigations and impending indictments. Clownstick will pardon the people indicted, including himself, the Republicunts will let him, and what the fuck are you gonna do about it? Vote? If they let you, if they decide to count it. Ask Jon Ossoff about all that.

Or maybe #TheResistance will take to the streets. Okay, good luck with that. Remember that glorious weekend of Pussy Power, record demonstrations across the country, biggest protest ever? What did it change? Not a goddamned thing. They can wait you out, the way they waited out Occupy Wall Street and the pussy-hat protesters and all the rest. They are pure muscle and gall. They don't give a shit what you think.

Everyone points out correctly that Emperor Snowflake is not the disease but a symptom. That's true but incomplete:  America is beset by multiple diseases, not the least of which is that a significant portion of its inhabitants have the intellects of farm animals, and vote in the dumbest motherfuckers they can find, at all levels.

Nearly all of what ails this country can be alleviated by a very modest amount of economic redistribution from the assholes that have more than they can spend in a dozen lifetimes, many of whom didn't even work for it in the first place. But their ever-increasing hoarding has driven the country into a deep hole.

Snowflake wants to drop the top tax rate to 20%. Fine, eliminate all the loopholes, and you got yourself a deal. And I mean all the loopholes. Straight twenty, no exceptions or discounts, no bullshit write-offs, no offshoring profits indefinitely. Call their bluff, because there's no goddamned way any of them, corporations or inherited Walmart layabouts, will go for it. Their goal is zero tax, and the proles pay for privatized services that work for shit.

And the worst part of that particular disease is that it's shamefully simple to get the rubes to go for it. Steinbeck may not have known how perfectly on-the-nose his observation was about poor Americans seeing themselves as temporarily displaced millionaires. The most People of Walmart dipshit is convinced that they're just one lucky lottery ticket from the good life.

That is not an exaggeration, and once you understand that, it suddenly becomes clear how people keep voting against their own rational self-interest every time. They seriously believe that if they give the Koch Brothers another fucking tax break, that will somehow translate into an extra buck an hour at their soul-deadening widget-stamping job.

So there's a very good chance that Mueller will unroll a metric fuckton of irrefutable facts, and it won't matter. And there won't be anything you can do about it. You wanna talk about hope, well, I hope I'm wrong. But there are no surprises anymore. We're the frogs in the water, and it's been warming the whole time. This is right out of the "how empires fall" playbook.

You'll Need More Snowflakes for That Avalanche

Any day these useless closet cases get outnumbered 2-1 is a good day. It's hard to get outraged when they are, as a heckler noted, "the Cleveland Browns of political movements." Still, one hopes at least that they finally receive an important message from the universe:  You are a bunch of fucking losers, each and every one of you. Shame on you. Go home and get some sleep, think about what you're doing with what passes for your lives.

And that's really all there is to them:  tubbies and morons who have already failed at life, bigly, and have nothing left but to occasionally take their armchair tough-guy static into the real world with some cosplay. They should go back to re-enacting WW2 and the Civil War as nazis and confederates. That's the best way for these chumps to work out their issues.

But, to return their favorite bullshit back on them, if they hate this country so much, why don't they get the fuck out already? It would be their fondest desire to start up Nazilvania or Kekistan or whatever, but good luck making a go of it when your main imports will be donuts and cheeseburgers, and the exports will be the choicest whines.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Flake Factor

No doubt Bob Corker and Jeff Flake want some sort of medal for speaking Truth To Power Incompetence, in retiring relatively young to find a mountaintop and contemplate their supreme integrity join or start a lobbying firm. The worst part about insufferable twats like those two is that they think they're being respectable statesman, that they're actually doing something purely out of love for country.

You don't even need to fire up the olfactory lobe of your brain to be able to smell that bullshit from miles away. I suspect there is a core of sincerity in their plaints; they really do not like Emperor Snowflake, and are sick of his endless schoolyard twittering.

But at the same time, one might suggest that if Corker and Flake were truly concerned about the country, and the direction the raging man-child is taking things, they could, I don't know, switch parties and stay in the fight? An imperfect solution to be sure, but what sort of idiot thinks they'll be more effective on the sidelines, at most lobbing the occasional rhetorical appetizer in the Times or the Post, than hanging in and helping the loyal opposition?

These guys are assholes, through and through. Hopefully Flake and Corker will spend their remaining time in the Senate making Snowflake as miserable as possible, but up to now, they've been 95% in his pocket -- they voted for all the health-care shenanigans; they voted for Gorsuch's stolen SCOTUS seat; they voted to confirm all of his dangerously inept cabinet weasels.

Now Flake and Corker claim to be tired of the nastiness and bullshit emanating from the toxic turd stinking up the White House, and their solution is to walk away and leave their seats open to true fanatics like Kelli Ward and Marsha Blackburn. Hell, with friends like that, who needs enemas?