Saturday, December 31, 2016

Death Wish

So on December 23rd, we watched the Extras Christmas special series finale, which has a brief cameo from George Michael. The next day we watched the Rosemary's Baby episode of 30 Rock.

So I've spent the last several days seriously considering watching a few episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, especially if they have a Kanye West appearance.

Monday, December 26, 2016

True Lies

From the "Least Expected News of the Month But In a Weird Way It Kinda Makes Sense" file, it turns out that the Next Big Clownstick Revelation is in the hands of none other than Tom Arnold:
Last week, comedian Tom Arnold came forward with the information that he has in his possession outtakes from Celebrity Apprentice in which the show’s host, United States President-elect Donald Trump, can be seen and heard “saying the N-word, saying the C-word, calling his son a retard, just being so mean to his own children,” among other delights. Arnold has said he will not release the tapes, which he received from Apprentice producers who meant it as a joke years ago — before anyone thought the perpetrator of such comments would be the president of the United States — because he fears for his own safety and that of his family. And, according to Arnold, those same producers fear the repercussions of the tapes’ release professionally (presumably, there are strict contractual considerations).

Well today, according to The Hollywood Reporter, there are developments: In a series of tweets directed at actor Michael Rapaport (who essentially asked Arnold to step up and release the tapes), Arnold somewhat clarified his position, stating that the content of the tapes was “disgusting but not illegal.” Furthermore, he said, “smart Watergate level journalists are on top of this.” While Arnold does not clarify what that means, exactly, the implication is that a larger story, one with criminal implications, may be developing here.
[emphasis mine]
Really, what "Watergate level journalists" are there? Only a few names distinguished themselves throughout the campaign, off hand I can only think of four: David Fahrenthold, Kurt Eichenwald, Julia Ioffe, and maybe Katy Tur. In reverse order, Tur basically became a penned punching bag for Clownstick at his hate rallies, in with the rest of the media veal. She had a book planned to shine some light on her experiences tracking the Clownstick scampaign, though it's tough to see just how it could have been any worse. Ioffe got anti-Semitic death threats after writing an article gently criticizing a few things about Melania Clownstick. Eichenwald, who has epilepsy, had to suspend his Twitter account temporarily after some fine Christian folk put strobe GIFs on his feed, hoping to trigger a seizure, plus they started parody accounts of their own to troll him.

Fahrenthold keeps on trucking, but for what, to see more good work go completely ignored? The fix is in, has always been in, and for every solid reporter out there running down a real story, there are dozens of "analysts" and "commentators" and gatekeepers to ensure that either the story never sees the light of day, or gets diluted by disinformation and bullshit commentary.

So Tom Arnold has a recording of Apprentice outtakes that has El Caudillo saying the n-word, the c-word, the r-word, and more. I'm saying that said tape could be indisputable high-definition video and audio, verified by the ten most reliable sources you could dream of (or by Clownstick himself), of Clownstick using all those words in reference to, say, Oprah Winfrey or LeBron James or Barack Obama or whoever. And it won't make a goddamned bit of difference. It won't matter. He wasn't far off when he said he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue in broad daylight and they'd still support him. They would.

That's the real problem. That's what we're not getting. Facts, words, deeds, responsible governance, ignorance, lies -- none of it matters to these people. They don't care about their country, or the US' vital role in a dangerous world. The only thing they care about is rubbing your nose in shit, the stankier the better, for as long as possible.

The New Political Correctness

Pro-tip for all you academic types out there thinking of making a half-assed joke about whitey: if you include an image of Pepe the Frog or Hitlery in a gas chamber with Clownstick throwing the lever, it'll go over with the Breitbart rage hamsters that much better, or at least confound them while they wait for the dickless scrivener's e-pellet to hit their Skinner box. In the meantime, you can probably count the hours before another public servant in Pig Fuck, West Virginny cracks wise in an email about the simian and or male features of the First Lady. Or better yet, have an armed, explicitly anti-joooo neo-Nazi march in Whitefish, Montana. But yeah, Professor Fuckface's dumb tweet is the problem here. Right.

I hate to poach the slogan of a perfectly respectable strip-mall steakhouse chain, but when it comes to figuring out the operating principles of these whiny freaks, No Rules, Just Right fits about as well as anything else. Theirs is the logic of a four-year-old in sore need of a juice box and a nap. There is no logic or consistency to anything they do or say, they are simply addicted to the rage pellet that legitimizes to them the voices in their heads.

This is in direct alignment with the backlash against "safe spaces" and campus activism that underwrote a great deal of their assumptions and misinformation during the campaign. As Erik Loomis at LGM has posted, they're building a watch-list of professors, checking it twice and all that. We'll see if Drexel has the balls to stand up for their professor or not. I'm thinking they will, but this is the beta phase of testing this tactic; the Breitbart animals, like good marketers, will continue refining and recalibrating, honing their tactics for things like this, looking for episodes of #doubleplusunMAGA behavior to beat the mow-rons over thhir pointy heads with, while the Dummycrats keep re-litigating the election and whinging about Russians infesting their emails.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Season's Beatings

This week in stoooooopid:
In Phoenix, two middle-aged women in the Trump-only focus group said they wouldn’t support him for re-election if he signed away funding for Planned Parenthood. “It’s a deal-breaker,” said an earthy 58-year-old in a plaid work shirt. “It will rob women of basic fundamental rights. I’m talking about female health care, which includes abortion. Which includes birth control. I think birth control is the greatest gift that they gave for womankind.” Added a 44-year-old, if Trump attacked Planned Parenthood, “I’d be pissed off as hell.”

This leads to an obvious question: If these women think defunding Planned Parenthood is a deal-breaker, why did they vote for a candidate who promised to do exactly that? After all, in a September letter addressed to “Pro-Life Leaders,” Trump pledged to strip Planned Parenthood’s federal funding unless it stops performing abortions. But many of the people in the focus groups didn’t know he’d made this assurance, and those who did didn’t take it seriously. It seemed as if Trump’s lasciviousness, which Clinton hoped would disqualify Trump with women, actually worked in his favor. The focus group participants couldn’t imagine that Trump would enact a religious right agenda. “He’s probably paid for a few abortions himself,” said the 58-year-old in Phoenix, eliciting a roomful of laughs.
Durrr....hyuk hyuk hyuk. That shore is funny, I tell ya what. Not as funny as watching these fucktards get exactly what they voted for, but high-larry-us nonetheless. They'll need that brilliant comedic wit to sustain them in the coming months and years, as they reap the whirlwind in so many different ways.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Over the Edge

Not sure what the hell's going on over at Robb's jernt these days, but the commentary's off-base, and half of the commenters seem to have truckled over from whatever shithead white-power joo-baiting  site serves their insane purposes these days. You have to read it to believe it; these are the sorts of rubes who spout racial slurs at the workplace, whether in anger or in "jokes," and then seriously wonder why no one will hire them after they're summarily fired.

Anyhoo, Robb's contention is that the nascent (and ill-fated, let's face it) Electoral College upset tomorrow would signify the transmogrification of our Jebus' Favrit Nayshun into a banana republic.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Decent Exposure

The Rude Pundit has this one right: it's all well and good that Obama held a press conference yesterday to take a few lame rhetorical jabs at the coup-disguised-as-democratic-transition currently underway. But it will do nothing, it will change nothing.

I don't expect Obama to go nuts and scream or declare martial law or anything. But this is about the fate of the nation, quite possibly the world at large, and at the very least a presidential legacy that Obama worked very hard for. Everything he struggled for, uphill for eight years, all gone, washed away like a sandcastle under the encroaching tide. About the only one of Obama's legislative benchmarks that doesn't seem to interest Clownstick is marriage equality, but with a religious nut like Pence at his side, even that's not safe. Hell, he'd undo it just to be a dick, just because it wasn't his, a hyena killing a pup he didn't sire.

We all like the old norm of Reagan sitting in the Oval Office with Tip O'Neill over a couple tumblers of Scotch, discussing like grown-ass adults where they might reach common ground over some things. The idea was that people could agree to disagree on issues, and still acknowledge the other's humanity and basic decency. That norm is long out the window, well before the Clownstick regime came along, and only a complete fool would still be operating under that old way of thinking.

These people are fucking indecent, proudly so. It is time to address them as such, and not wait and hope that they won't be quite that bad. I'm pretty sure every victim of every serial killer held out that same false hope, right up to the moment that the killer's weapon broke skin, and they watched their lifeblood spill to the floor.

But Obama seems strangely passive, almost complacent, as if he had no agency in affecting events. He probably thinks that if he behaves himself, he can leverage that into having some sort of emeritus counsel to Clownstick and his entourage. This is a problem, and his party shares the same problem. Republicans lose an election, and they immediately get to work and start fucking things up. Democrats lose one and they start acting like a punk on the cell block, trying to figure out what will get their man off most quickly, so as to avoid a beatdown.

Well, fuck that shit. The phrase "better to die on your feet than to live on your knees" may be a cliché, but those things are true by definition, and if they really want any chance at future viability, they had all best unfuck themselves and see the storm(front) approaching. They still think this is some sort of contest of ideas that can be won with logic and reason, but we are apparently in a "post-truth" era where facts no longer have value, and so having a simple, powerful narrative and posture is much more important.

Count on this more than anything: you will know that the Dems have figured this out when their donors start pulling. This is a money game after all, and when the money dries up, the pencil-pushers get the message and change their approach. In the meantime, get ready for Chuck Schumer to assume the position and sell it all down the river, instead of doing what McConnell did from day one and just turning into a fucking doorstop. It's as if the Republicans didn't just spend the last nine months stonewalling the incumbent president's selection for the Supreme Court, just waiting out his term.

Say it again -- these people are fucking indecent, and it is time to stop pretending they can be reasoned with. They cheat and lie and steal, openly and brazenly, and the Dems fire back with their empty bullshit handjob "when they go low we go high" platitudes. Enough with that shit.

There's no shame in saying no, folks; in fact, it's in your own best interest to make that your new favorite word. Fight anything and everything, by any means necessary.

They Ask Questions

Steve asks rhetorically:
Will media dupes ever stop predicting that Trump might govern as a non-conservative?
And of course the answer is no, and of course we all know it. There will always be some professional journamalists out there who need to occupy column inches and/or time in the sainted 24-hour news cycle.

When we plaintively ask what's wrong with the media, this is really the main part of the problem -- the incessant need to fill, constantly, relentlessly, with less and less quality control. The sad and hilarious irony of it all is that the corporate media monkeys keep genuflecting faster and more furiously to the wingnuts douchebags who don't even read them anyway, who show up only to troll and lob impotent threats from the comfort of their couches. Meanwhile, they betray the people who actually do read their reporting and analyses every time they do shit like that.

All real journalism, excepting feel-good kitten-in-a-tree Bart's people type schtick, should boil down to one of two things:
  1. Objective reporting of facts and events -- what was done and said, and by whom. Statements that are factually inaccurate should be pointed out; statements that have already been corrected and are still stated as before are called lies.
  2. Objective opinions based on facts and evidence at hand, in order to analyze and synthesize the confluence of events and people that occur on a regular basis. There is generally some assumption or expectation of expertise, or at least a higher-than-average level of knowledge about the subject(s) being discussed.
These are modest definitional expectations, and more and more the "media" collectively fail to meet even that bar. Robert Frank's piece that Steve is responding to in the link is basically a textbook version of the "contrarian" clickbait one sees a startling prevalence of these days. Frank seems to be pinning his analysis, such as it is, on past vagaries of Clownstick seeming somewhat "liberal" on some issues (for example, not being a homo-crucifying closet-case fundie, woo-hoo!).

But Clownstick has never indicated any clear opinion on any major national policy issue, if you look back. He feints and bobs and weaves and head-fakes, but aside from wanting to machine-gun the so-called Central Park Five into a mass grave in Central Park and plop a monument to himself over it, he's never really been definitive about much of anything at all. Clownstick's defining characteristic is a sincere belief that he is smarter and better than everyone else, that he's the biggest swinging dick in the room simply because he repeats that he is over and over until the dullards start to believe it. Again, though, no policy opinions or details, on anything, certainly not on the health care system.

As Steve points out, there is absolutely no reason, based on Clownstick's recent history as a campaigner either, and certainly not with his prospective appointments so far, to even speculate that he might be planning to "innovate" the health-care system in any way that would help the most vulnerable. And since it seriously appears that Clownstick does not even read anything that isn't about him, it's entirely likely that he doesn't even know anything about what a clusterfuck of collusion the health-care system is in this country.

And since he's nothing but a cheap two-bit grifter who lives for fleecing suckers and fools, it's pretty much a slam-dunk guarantee that if someone had the time and patience to explain to him how the health-care racket works, Clownstick's only question would be how to get in on some of that for himself.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

N8r B8rs -- 2016 Edition

Lolwut. Jesus H. Christ, people, as ludicrous a person and politician as Jill Stein is, she didn't cost you your sainted fucking election, Neither did Gary "Cheech" Johnson.

Nor, for that matter, did Hillary Clinton. She was a solid candidate with a good message. But there was a brutal confluence of various and nefarious factors, most of them out of the candidate's control. But yeah, maybe visiting Wisconsin even once during the general election might have helped, who knows?

I don't mean to pick on Paul Campos; I like his writing a lot. But I think the linked piece is a forerunner of what's to come, as FVC takes office and makes GWB look like FDR. There will be many bitter recriminations like this along the way, and it will not be pretty.

And so I think it's important not to jerk oneself off and fall into that same trap as the Dems did in 2004. Fucking wake up already and realize that the corporate media represent corporate interests, not the peoples'. They are always going to chase the dollar, and never worry for a second about what's "right" or "useful." They were never on your side, or his. They're on their side, and everything else is incidental. Realize that the Democratic Party itself is little more than a vestigial appendage in many states, at the state and local level, and that there's not much of a bench even at the national level.

Or you can spend the next couple electoral cycles bemoaning the hubris of protest candidates daring to contest the Holy Duopoly, and see what that gets you. How'd all those long, cold years of Thanksralphery go for you?

Tuesday, December 13, 2016


Not that a recount in the Rust Belt states was ever going to do any good -- as even overturning the results in favor of HRC would have simply created more (and more serious) problems of legitimacy -- but this is a worthwhile peek into what can charitably be described as a seriously flawed process.

It's easy to see the intrinsic appeal of indulging a lawyerly tactic in order to thwart what is already turning out to be every bit as awful a person as he was a candidate. This fucking guy -- he'll never be my president, probably won't be yours either. But these people -- and worse yet, their base -- are, as we've seen over the past month, sore winners. What sort of losers do you think they'd be, especially if they think it's all been snatched away from them through legal chicanery?

And, in fact, there should be no doubt at all that even if HRC had won the Electoral College by a true landslide, as opposed to the limp-dick mediocre victory that Clownstick and Conway are lamely claiming, there would be protests in the streets, there would be harrumphing from Paul Ryan and Bitch McConnell about how they wouldn't be able to work with her, blah blah blah. These people fucking cheat as a matter of course; it should be no surprise at all that they would also, in the event of a loss, go nuts. The old adage about playing chess with a pigeon holds true with these assholes. They are not to be trusted. Ever. They love money and re-election far more than their country or its people.

Maybe if the gubmint and media spent as much time covering the tragic mechanics of the electoral system as they do worrying about who's paying for what, you might get more logical results.

Mr. Blue Sky

At its cold mathematical heart, the schism between Clownstick voters and Clownstick haters is that of the red states and the blue states, the takers and the makers, moochers and producers. So for those of us in the godless librul elite states, this could actually work out well.
Red state voters may talk a good game about small government and low taxes, but in reality they are socialist moochers.

Rather than wallowing in the hypocrisy of all this, however, Democrats should see the opportunity here — an opportunity to turn the Republican program to their selfish advantage and create the kind of society where people look out for each other and business interests are not allowed to run roughshod over workers and consumers.

After all, if Republicans cut taxes — in particular, taxes on investment income — then the biggest winners are going to be the residents of Democratic states where incomes, and thus income taxes, are significantly higher. Governors and legislatures in those states — home to roughly half of all Americans — will now have the financial headroom to raise state income and business taxes by as much as the federal government cuts them — and use the additional revenue to replace all the federal services and benefits that Republicans have vowed to cut.


In time, however, blue state Democrats could look forward to the satisfaction of watching Trump's voters stew in their own political juices as Red State America finally frees itself from the evil grip of global elites and big government and turns itself into a low-tax, low-wage, low health paradise where it's every man for himself.

This is what they wanted out there in Real 'murka, since they are the only True Americans and the rest of us are not. And the right thing is for them to get what they voted for -- deregulation of business and environmental practices, no minimum wage or pensions, filthy air and water. Hell, maybe those precious coal jobs will come back after all -- but they'll be $8.00/hr., no benefits, no pension, shit health care, and routine mine collapses and pollution.

In this way we Cali heathens can get back to working on nice things for our own state and citizens, rather than subsidizing a bunch of fucking whiny ingrates. Frankly, the only thing we're not completely self-sufficient on is water, and that can be resolved -- or at least improved, in the midst of a multi-year drought -- with a couple more dams and better water management. Too bad we'll never be real 'murkins.

I'm With Stupid

The exciting auditions for Celebrity Fuckface continue! Who will be crowned 'murka's reigning Fuckface?

It figures that someone just released from a mental hospital after treatment for a nervous breakdown would be good to go for playing the Clownstick inaugural bawl. They can have each other; I'm sure the Pepe the Frog acolytes are looking forward to overlong filler sets from Kanye, Kid Rock, Andrea Bocelli, and whatever goat-fucking country hacks get roped into this. Maybe they can all band together for a bro-country rendition of The Horst Wessel Song.

In the meantime, nice distraction on Drumpf's part in dodging the press conference he was supposed to have, in which he was going to clownsplain how he was going to plunder the treasury while pretending to keep his conflicts of interest under control. The motherfucker's entire existence is a conflict of interest, and he revels in knowing that everyone knows it, and there's not a goddamned thing anyone can or will do about it.

Hopefully any other do-gooder celebritards out there have learned by watching what happened to Al Gore and Leo DiCaprio, who made the pilgrimage to kiss the ring over climate change, only to have Okie oil-blower Scott Pruitt tapped to head the EPA. Keep devaluing your own currency by currying empty favor with this fucking guy, see what that gets you.

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

There are precious few certainties in this life, but I can guaran-goddamn-tee y'all that I will never get tired of reading these things over the next four, eight, twenty years, however long this new dark night turns out to last.
The Kentucky voters I spoke with constantly mentioned "change" as a reason they supported [Drumpf].

"That man has a head for business," Atkins said. "He will absolutely do his best to change things."

Still, Oller acknowledged she took a leap of faith with [Drumpf].

"It was Russian roulette," Oller said of her vote. "But I felt that we needed change."
Welp, you're about to get all the change you can stand, sweet-cheeks. If there's one thing I am in 100% agreement with self-styled conservatives on, it's that people should bear the consequences and be accountable for their stupid decisions, so bon appetit, assholes.

Bonus points for the inadvertent "Russian roulette" pun. Сделать Россию Великой Снова!

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Buyer's Remorse

Let the beatdown of the simpletons begin:
A woman who voted for Donald Trump is now regretting her choice after the President-elect chose Steve Mnuchin to be his Secretary of Treasury.

Teena Colebrook explained to the Associated Press that she had voted for Trump hoping he would keep his pledge to remove the elites from Washington. However, she became truly disenchanted when he chose Mnuchin, partly because it showed he’s “now backing his buddies.”

But also because Mnuchin was responsible for the loss of her home and source of income.

Mnuchin used to be an owner of OneWest, a bank formed in the aftermath of the financial crisis of 2007-08 that acquired the assets of subprime mortgage lender IndyMac. Shortly after acquiring the loans from IndyMac, OneWest began foreclosing on thousands of them.
I am honestly wondering what in Clownstick's extensively covered history made people like Colebrook think he could be trusted to look after their interests. There is literally no point in that history where he looked out for anyone but himself, and more often than not it came at the expense of the peons.

The coal miners are finding out the hard way too, and it is hilarious. These folks are getting exactly what they begged for, good and hard, and this is only the beginning for them. The fucker's not even in office yet and it's getting snapped off in their asses.

At The Movies

Hell Or High Water -- Tightly plotted and superbly executed, this old-school crime drama evokes the classic prose of Cormac McCarthy and James Lee Burke. Ben Foster and Chris Pine play a pair of siblings robbing rural Texas banks, in order to pay off the reverse mortgage on their mother's ranch and claim the newfound oil rights. Jeff Bridges plays the Texas Ranger tracking them down before riding off into retirement. The cast is outstanding across the board, and even though you know where it's headed, the ride is bumpy and entertaining, thanks to the richly drawn characters.
Grade: A

Captain Fantastic -- A waaayyyyy off-the-grid family of six kids and a dad are forced to adjust to the "real" world when they travel to the mother's funeral. Viggo Mortensen underpins the role of dad Ben with his stubborn charm and fierce intelligence, and the kids are outstanding as well. You hate to use the hack phrase "quirky little indie" but it applies here in a good way. Writer/director Matt Ross (Gavin Belson from HBO's Silicon Valley) helms his project with care and sensitivity. Ben's clear conflict of conscience -- if he is raising his kids to be in the world but not of it, why bother versing them in mundane worldly verities such as the Bill of Rights -- is never quite explained, nor how he came to reject the world so completely, but these are minor quibbles in a terrific movie.
Grade: A-

The Infiltrator -- The true story of US Customs Agent Robert Mazur's successful undercover effort to bring down Pablo Escobar's drug network, as well as the money laundering of BCCI, is compelling enough, and with Bryan Cranston, John Leguizamo, and Diane Kruger leading the way, solidly cast. But at 127 minutes, the movie feels about twenty minutes too long, and its climactic scene, a mass bust at a fake wedding between Cranston and Kruger, rings false when the feds expose Cranston and Kruger as undercover operatives by not busting them as well. It's still pretty well done overall, but mainly reminded me of how good a Power of the Dog movie would be.
Grade: B

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

All Or Nothing

Okay, this bullshit meme about taking Clownstick "literally but not seriously" versus the other way around has to stop. Right. Fucking. Now. For the media's sake, and for their consumers' sake.

I'm still kicking this notion around, and will expand on it in an upcoming post, but the bottom line is that if a journalist, or anyone who is supposed to be dealing in objective facts and informed opinions, starts letting their subjects dictate the tempo and tone of actual coverage, then there is literally, seriously no fucking point in said coverage.

Of course his entire scampaign was an extended troll, and it worked, so of course he's going to keep doing it, for as long as they keep falling for it. They are devaluing their own currency, and getting spun hard in the process, to the point where many of them do not seem to know how to cover him.

There are rules to the job of president, basic rules and norms which all holders of that position must follow, if this thing is to work. Probably the most basic of those rules is that while what the president says may fall within a greater context, the minimum expectation is that he speaks for all Americans. Literally. Seriously. This is not a new expectation, and we are not changing the rules and expectations because a reality-teevee pro-wrestling hack squeaked in by his hairpiece.

Monday, December 05, 2016

In Other Fake News

Well, at least the mentally ill face some obstacles in getting dangerous weap -- oh, wait, no, they absolutely do not. (Does it even need to be said that if this asshole was black, he'd have been gunned down in the street like a rabid dog?) Guess we'll just wait around and twiddle our thumbs until the next one of these losers actually kills someone because they're too stupid and rage-choked to discern between facts and trolling. You know, like the average Drumpftard.

Coupled with the fact that Michael Flynn, the Russian-bought general selected to head the National Security Agency, and his adult son have been propagators of this "Hillary is running a pedophile ring" bullshit.

If there's one thing you need to keep in mind over the next four years, it's that all of these clowns -- Drumpf, Flynn, Kellyanne Conway, Newt, Rudy -- every single one of them hates you, hates me, hates America and its inhabitants, those who oppose their cheap lies and toxic nonsense. Oh, they talk a good game, but they never tell the truth, they're in complete thrall to the highest bidders, they engage in the rankest of hypocrisies routinely. All of those are things that this country was supposed to stand for. But times, as they say, are changin'.

Friday, December 02, 2016

Fail to the Chimp

Even Fredo Arbusto, bless his simian muzzle, wasn't this fucking stupid:
[Drumpf] had an opportunity at the start of his presidency to begin with a more or less clean slate with China, and he has now very likely frittered that away for nothing. At best, [Drumpf] has pointlessly antagonized Beijing in a way that will have lingering effects on his dealings with them for months and possibly years to come. At the very worst, his careless freelancing could produce a real crisis between China and Taiwan that could end up dragging in the U.S.
It's hard to conceive of any "stupider like a fox" reason to do something like this. Why would a brilliant bidnessman needlessly jeopardize his yuuuge bidness interests in another country, a vital trading partner? There is no percentage whatsoever -- strategically, geopolitically, financially -- in doing something like this.

This is not to say that there aren't issues that need to be worked out with the Chinese. They are building a deep-water fleet to secure their place as regional hegemon, the ultimate goal of which would probably be to control the Strait of Malacca (through which most of the world's oil travels). Additionally, they are building artificial islands near the Senkaku (aka Diaoyu) Islands, under and around which lie large deposits of oil and natural gas, in conflict with Japan. The violent thug that has taken over the Philippines is sucking up to the Chinese, which runs counter to our purported strategic interests.

Hell, it may be time to back away and concentrate on tilling our own field anyway. This century is likely going to gravitate toward the Indian Ocean nations anyway, based on demographics and yet another book our non-reader-in-thief will never read and wouldn't understand anyway.

The last time a preznit fucked the dog unnecessarily with China, a few months later 9/11 happened. Those two events are not directly connected, but if this regime got too much attention for the sheer incompetence and belligerence of its dopey figurehead, you wouldn't put it past them to cook up some false-flag event as a distraction. And it would work.

Old Times There Are Not Forgotten

Only in the south could a cop get caught on video shooting an unarmed, fleeing suspect -- on a traffic stop, mind you -- in the back, plant a weapon on the corpse, and still be given the benefit of the doubt. It's not like anyone coulda predicted that or anything.

Also, too, it is now okay to execute someone in the middle of the street in a fit of road rage, as long as the killer is white and the victim is black. Any questions?

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Good and Hard

Okay, for the record, I definitely feel bad for the folks who knew the stakes, voted accordingly, are going to lose their health care coverage -- and possibly, you know, their lives or their kids' lives -- because of a smattering of angry rust-belt retards.

But let's not take the bait on worrying about how many Drumpfkins are going to lose their coverage. Seriously. It's barely worth reporting, much less showing concern. Fuck them, every last one of them. Fuck their black lungs and slipped discs and groaning knees. Fuck their congested hearts and rotted colons and the limbs they lost to type-π dia-beet-us.

I don't "like" or "hate" these people, I simply don't care about them. At all. I don't care if their jobs come back. I don't care if they've lived quiet lives of desperation for too long and have just given up out of frustration. I don't care if their unemployed, thirty-year-old, five-kids-by-four-guys-in-six-years daughters are whoring themselves on Craigslist for oxy and fentanyl. They've made themselves clear, they made their choice, are being unbelievably insufferable about it, and deserve everything they're about to get.

They can live on cat food and wipe their worthless asses with their "Fuck Your Feelings" t-shirts for all I care. It has nothing to do with their race or economic status or regional accents or even political beliefs, to the extent that they have any of the latter; it has everything to do with the fact that it was more important to them to fuck over the caricatured fag libruls of their fever dreams, than to pay attention and simply not vote for the most transparent caricature of a con-man carny imaginable.

Asking for a Friend

So, uh, do you think Mitt Romney swallows?

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Mommie Dearest

Even dirtbag serial killers have mothers that love them, one supposes, but the mother of sex-dungeon freak Todd Kohlhepp takes it to another level. Maybe she has to tell the rest of the world that her son is no monster, just so she can live with knowing that he is, and that she raised him. If we can't just have done with this piece of shit and shove him into a wood chipper, maybe we can just put him under permanent house arrest at her house, see how that works out.


Apparently our favorite fake music person is in full meltdown mode lately, going on endless rants and ending shows after a few songs. This is hilarious. In addition to being a hack, Kanye has always been a thief when it comes to his fans' money. And they're stupid enough to keep giving it to him.

All We Are Saying Is Give Beast A Chance

If large numbers of people believe in freedom of speech, there will be freedom of speech, even if the law forbids it. But if public opinion is sluggish, inconvenient minorities will be persecuted, even if laws exist to protect them. -- George Orwell, Freedom of the Park

Brief notes and errata from the blunderground:

This country clearly deserves a leader like Drumpf -- a petulant liar who thinks his prevarications and authoritarian impulses are holy writ. And hell, after a few years of AG Jefferson, I say Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Thuuhhhd, perhaps they will be. Maybe Jared Kushner and Uday and Qusay, armed with information obtained with illegal surveillance and nepotistic security clearances, will sic the corrupt FBI cells on the DFHs protesting in the streets, heckling Pence at Hamilton, refusing to dress the new queen or appear for the Kennedy Center Honors.

Recall that one of Drumpf's early stump lines was, "When I'm president, we'll all say 'Merry Christmas'." To which a reasonable free citizen can only reply, Or what, motherfucker?

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Heartbreak and Resistance

It's been a long 72 hours or so for most of us. Hopefully the bruise is starting to go down a bit. It will get better. The media will not help; they have replaced their inane thumbsuckers about What Those Folks Out There In The Sticks Are Thinking with even more inane pieces about What Just Happened. Their efforts are in vain. They are merely trying to distract all of us -- and more importantly, themselves -- from the truth about their increasing irrelevance.

If there's one thing we might end up commending Drumpf for, it's that he may have exposed the entire rotten political campaign industry as the bunch of grifting, chicken-entrail-reading weasels we always thought they were. I have no idea how he knew their polling models were bullshit, since he doesn't seem to know much of anything at all, but his instincts were correct on that count.

Even the RNC's own internal polling on the morning of election day had him losing. Something's going on here, what it is ain't exactly clear. Maybe instead of more useless chucklers about the city mice venturing into the hinterlands to plumb the psyches of the country mice, someone might take a look at all that. Because it's fucking janky as all hell.

Tuesday, November 08, 2016

Freak Out

At this point, Clownstick is leading 244 electoral votes to 215, with a handful of states left to call. Friends 'n' neighbors, it's going to be a squeaker from hell at best, and he's likely to win. The betting markets were 80-20 for Hillary yesterday; they are 80-20 Clownstick right now. I don't know what the fuck happened in the last 24 hours, but there ya go. Feingold and Bayh already lost their Senate runs, so that's gone. It's looking pretty rough right now. She basically has to run the table on the Rust Belt states, and she's behind about 60-80k in each of them right now.

It would be a good time to repeat the last part of the penultimate paragraph of the previous post:
And if Drumpf does manage to win, then it's all over anyway, not only because of the destruction he will wreak on the very foundations of this country, but because it would mean there really are enough self-destructive morons to tear it all down, just to watch it burn.
I'm not sure what else to say. Regardless of the outcome, it might be a good time to pick up a new skill or three, do some more and different writing, figure out some monetization strategies to supplement income enough to save up some discretionary income, look for greener pastures.

Friday, November 04, 2016

100 Hours -- And At Least Four Years

After sixteen wretched months of obsessiveness, nasty insults, and bitter recriminations [and that's just in this blog! -- Ed.] it's time to sketch a more-or-less serious, cogent analysis of the choice before us. Let's see if we can get through this with a minimum of f-bombs and scatological references, shall we? Okay then.

A few things need to be stipulated right up front, by of reiterating something I have held firm (giggity) on from the very start of Clownstick's candidacy. The consistent volume and vituperation of Drumpf's supporters add no value to their man's campaign. Ordinarily you'd say this was just more evidence of the pernicious corporate media cherry-picking the most objectionable people they could find, and casting them as the typical supporter.

But even the sympathetic thumb-sucking pieces can't avoid the fact that these people are dumber than a bag of rocks. I couldn't possibly bear to read yet another insufferable limo-lib fish-out-of-water jeremiad, peppered as it is with idiots festering in a broke-ass, cancer-ridden swamp, yet stubbornly insistent on voting against themselves until the day they keel over at fifty-five or so, obese and embittered.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Career Opportunities

I hope for Jim Comey's sake he knows what he's doing, because from the cheap seats, it looks like he's lamely trying to cover his ass and pretend to be an honest broker. But what he's really doing is feeding fresh material to a conspiracy theorist, and could conceivably throw the election in doing so. Congratulations on your moral purity, asshole.

Oh, and that dipshit pervert Weiner is welcome to kindly go fuck himself already. Good job, buddy, now please do us all a favor and go away, be a plumber or sell oranges by the freeway or something. You've done quite enough damage.

But even Weiner is an order of magnitude better than that worthless cocksucker Chaffetz.


David Fahrenthold still deserves the Pulitzer. Donald "Fuckface Von Clownstick" Drumpf is still a scummy, skinflint dirtbag who deserves to live on a fucking sidewalk and beg for change.

In the linked article, a line from one of Drumpf's "books" is excerpted:
“We’ve benefited from the American Dream and we feel the duty to give back to the community,” he wrote of his family in “The America We Deserve” in 2000. “Those who don’t are nothing more than parasites.”
Couldn't agree more, and as Fahrenthold has spent the better part of the past year painstakingly chronicling, Drumpf and his offspring have never done a goddamned thing for anyone else that didn't also -- or in many cases only -- benefit themselves and their interests.

Think about just one of many examples of this -- Drumpf literally used foundation money to pay the seven dollar fee for Fuckface Junior to join the fucking Boy Scouts. That's as bad in principle, if not in volume, as him using foundation money to buy life-size paintings of himself. Seriously, there's something wrong with a person that does this, or cashes a thirteen-cent check.

These people continue to be living, breathing, slithering proof that there really is no such thing as karma. They are liars and frauds and utterly soulless con artists, and they should be ridden into the throes of desperation and poverty at the soonest available moment.


Clownstick's whinging about the voting process being rigged finally came true. Looks like someone took the old "vote early and often" saying literally. Is anyone out there surprised at which candidate this felon supports? The only surprise here is that it wasn't in Florida.

For normal people, this will prove to be a fine example of how the process to ensure electoral integrity actually works, therefore minimizing the mechanical possibility of fraudulent voting. For the dipshit Drumpfkins, who are fact- and evidence-challenged, this will simply confirm their suspicions that while everyone games the system, only the good guys get caught.

Send 'em back to their holes, folks.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016


Just a reminder:  you can rant and tweet and fulminate your pending revolution on any and every media platform for a fucking year or so, and no one will do a goddamned thing, but if you make a lame joke in a Williamsburg bar about offing The Clownstick, the NYPD will pull your ass in for a few hours, "lose" your ID, and generally spend the evening reminding you what happens when you fuck around in a po-lice state.

Drumpf has spent the better part of the last month deliberately trying to sabotage the electoral process, and delegitimize Clinton's administration before it even starts, but the real threat is some numbnuts public-school history teacher running his mouth after one too many Blue Moons. Good to know.

And Joe Walsh can go fuck himself with Drumpf's tiny bronzed dick. No doubt the Stormfront retards cluttering up Twitter buy into Walsh's "musket" schtick, pretending it means something other than what it obviously means. The idea that "musket" is synonymous with boycotts and voting (or not voting) in protest is preposterous even for a moron deadbeat dad like Joe Walsh. His tri-corner tinfoil hat ain't getting him out of this one.

Walsh and his cohort might be surprised to find that some of us pussy libruls actually own weapons as well, and the first one of these dumb cocksuckers that decides post-election to take seriously his own micropenis-grabbing horseshit is going to discover the pleasures of an ass full of lead. I've had more than my fill of listening to these whiny assholes with their heads-I-win-tails-you-lose logic. Either accept the results as they land, or get the fuck out, and we promise to do the same.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Show Business

The rumor earlier this year that the true goal of Drumpf's whole scampaign was to start his own reich-wing "news" network was just too seductive, too perfect. It didn't have to make sense, because it sounded exactly like something Clownstick would do. It's all he knows, it's the pro-wrestling reality-teevee simulacrum he understands.

That rumor still persists, and in fact apparently Drumpf's pelf-grubbing scum-in-law reached out to the "boutique" lender LionTree, only to be rebuffed. And this is why a teevee network is a no-go.

Of course, that is an entirely different matter than whether or not the rumor is true -- which itself points up the fact that Drumpf, for the thousandth time, is a lousy fucking businessman. After all, this is someone who has failed -- hard -- at selling gambling, vodka, steaks, and football. In America. How do you fail at selling any of those things in this country, much less all of them? Might as well go broke selling blowjobs.

Or outrage, this country's favorite non-pharma drug. This is another easily produced item that Americans cannot get enough of. But for a squirrel-bait cornpone caudillo like Drumpf  to even try to have enough focus to push something like a teevee network is just a bridge too far. He clearly is incapable of doing much beyond picking his nose.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Long Way Down

In its late but welcome death throes, Drumpfistan seems to have declared nuclear jihad on everything and everyone. His latest target is the chairman of the Ohio Republican Party. It goes without saying (but we will anyway) that Ohio is a fairly important state in the scheme of things.

This is awesome and at the same time unsettling to watch. It is more proof on an already-high stack just from this past week, that the Drumpf scampaign is in full-on bunker mode. Candidate and fans live not only under their own set of "facts" but rules of logic. Only the polls that show them winning are accurate. The election itself is rigged and fraudulent, unless Cheeto Hitler emerges triumphant.

This is the sort of "heads I win, tails you lose" self-serving bullshit that used to lead to people being burned or drowned alive for witchery, never minding that if they were actually witches, they could get easily get out of the crude restraints. It is the logic of morons and children, people with at best a random epistemology.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Dr. T and the Women

So many takeaways from Bungle in the Jungle 2. Only one more to go, unless Clownstick, you know, pussies out. But it had everything, didn't it -- from the banana-republic threats to the silent stalking to (ultimately) Drumpf's innate need to show at every opportunity what sort of scumbag he actually is. Trotting out Bill Clinton's alleged rape victims to throw in the face of Hillary Clinton is a new low, even for Drumpf.

Hope his poised, precious daughter is proud of dear ol' Dad now -- you know, if she wasn't already proud of him creeping through beauty pageant dressing rooms like a fucking perv, or telling Howard Stern that he could refer to her as a piece of ass. I guess money buys a lot of forbearance, just like it buys a lot of plastic surgery.

With the outing of Bill Cosby as a serial rapist just prior to the 2016 campaign startup, there was always the possibility that, with Hillary as the expected Dem nom, BC's '90s antics were going to come back to haunt him. Look, from a standpoint of cheap agitprop, it really doesn't matter if Bill Clinton is a rapist, or just a philanderer with poor eyesight -- you can't preach a gospel of never questioning a rape accusation, and then trying to brush aside inconvenient accusations.

That said, I can't be bothered to give more than a fuck and a quarter at best about Juanita Broaddrick and the rest of them. They can't not realize that Drumpf is using them as props, and has already discarded them, as they are of no use to him at all. If they think they have been cheated by the justice system, then let them do what Cosby's accusers are doing -- band together, get a lawyer, and take his ass to court.

What Drumpf has been doing all along of course -- emotionally, politically, etc. -- is gaslighting his followers in particular, and the country in general. He makes shit up, denies he said it minutes later, accuses his accusers of having ulterior motives. It is the worst sort of emotional manipulation, far worse than any political candidate at any level in our lifetimes, and it is a clear indicator of how he would function in elected office if enough of us were stupid or spiteful enough to give him the opportunity.

At the very least, he's a pigfucker who despises women. That much is abundantly clear. But the Gooper pols who are shamelessly invoking all their female relatives as excuses to distance himself from the pussy-grabber are just as bad, maybe worse. They are just fine with disempowering women, making their medical decisions for them, making them take a fucking Greyhound bus 500 miles to find the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic because they don't have one in their own state anymore. But they're oh-so-offended by a hot-mic circle-jerk in the back of Billy Bush's Bangbus. Hey, fuck you. No one's buying your little "shocked" act.

Drumpf's implosion seems imminent, and more than justified. Frankly, I hope this rotten motherfucker and his entire shitbird family end up on the fucking sidewalk giving handjobs for crack. Every goddamned one of them is a conniving, money-grubbing, soulless sack of shit. But what we really have to watch out for is how is more, erm, energetic followers handle their hero's impending doom.

But that's okay, and entirely expected. Most of them can be distracted by Black Friday deals and discounts on cardboard containers of salted, deep-fried fat. In the meantime, let's bury this fucking prick.

Saturday, October 08, 2016

Midnight Rambler

Sleep became more elusive as he got older, a jumble of half-remembered dreams and nightmares punctuated by regular trips to the pisser. Every ninety minutes or so, it seemed like, frequently more often than that. Thoughts were fleeting, and usually careened into the next one without warning.

Bladder must be the size of a fucking dime, he thought. They don't warn you about it. They tell you about the prostate, and making that pilgrimage to Dr. Jellyfinger. But they don't warn you about the plodding regularity of having to piss in Morse code all the fucking time.

Getting up several times a night changed the way he slept. He was a heavy sleeper as a kid, burrowed deep into the gamma-wave movies, waking with only vague but real impressions -- fear, lust, power, violence, success. As he matured and became more accustomed to the many privileges life had in store for him, he slept less and less. The parties never stopped, and even though he never indulged in the booze and drugs, he was always at the center of the action. Keeping score was his drug of choice, and he used money and women and bullshit to move the point counter.

Friday, October 07, 2016

He Can't Help Himself

The hilarity, she continues. No surprise that it doesn't take a Howard Stern to set Drumpf on "full douchebag," even preznitential cuz Billy Bush can bring it out of him. Within months of his marriage to his Slovenian mail-order bride, Drumpf was driving hard for the hoop on Nancy O'Dell. Like, he took her furniture shopping and everything.

And just when Paul Ryan was finally coming around to Drumpf. And now the RNC muckety-mucks are no doubt convening and conspiring, trying to figure out how to dump Gump, make Pence the front-runner, and tack on -- oh, I don't know, let's say Chachi or Screech or some other cartoon character. So long as we keep in mind that Pence treats women even worse than Drumpf or any other frat boy idiot -- he did, after all support and sign a bill requiring burial or cremation for fetuses that are aborted or miscarried.

Of course the diehard rubes will remain unswayed. He talks about women like they talk about women. Hell, I've talked about women disrespectfully -- you know, when I was 22 and lived on Jack Daniel's and the next woman I happened to meet. Never said the "grab 'em by the pussy" line, though. That's just weird and stupid, even for a drunken 22-year-old. But Drumpf was almost 60 at the time of the tape, just married for a third time, and with four children, three of them grown.

But even the diehards have to be wondering now. This is really not about how he treats or talks about women, as abysmal as that is. This is about judgment and common sense. What sort of a dumbfuck, especially one so obsessed with PR, says this kind of shit in a segment where a cameraman is present. Only a complete moron doesn't assume that the camera is always on, that the mic is always hot.

He couldn't resist the chance to show off for a presidential cousin/nephew, because he never can resist such things. He thinks he is BMOC, and as such is always compelled to play the role. And everyone knows that a real stud just walks up to dames, pulls them aside, gives them a kiss and grabs their pussy. Because that's what "stars" do. Seriously, is there anything this guy isn't completely inept at?

There's your fuckin' hero, your savior, you inbred flyover country dipshits. How do you like him?

This just got fun. Getcha popcorn. By next week the slogan might be changed to Two in the Pink, One in the Stink.

Agony and Irony

Howard Stern has always thrived on being a disruptive prick, so I'm a bit skeptical of this analysis of his undoing of Drumpf over the years of their mutual opportunism, but it would be a nice irony if true. Regardless, this is a nice pull quote that sums up Clownstick's life nicely:
At last, [Drumpf] emerges in the Stern tapes as a kind of humorless George Hamilton figure—a lecherous has-been measuring his march to the grave in New York Post mentions.
That's basically all the guy has done for the past thirty years ago, suck up PR space and attach himself, barnacle-like, to the hull of America's Flying Dutchman public life. This is the secret to Drumpf's success and staying power -- his minute attention span, boastful ignorance, and empty phrases mirror perfectly those traits in his audience. The more passionate the cult follower, the greater the statistical probability that they, like he, actually have little or nothing to offer, but are simply too clueless to know it.

Thursday, October 06, 2016

A Friendly Reminder

While the media bozos and overpaid "analysts" offer their various interpretations of who "won" Tuesday's veep debate, there is only one takeaway that you should deem important -- while Drumpf is a cheap, transparent oaf and con-man who is merely pretending to be whatever it is he thinks people want him to be so that they'll vote for him, Mike Pence is the real deal.

The only thing Pence is pretending about is his support for Drumpf. And you can bet the evangelicals are now carefully calibrating their narrative from "Gawd gave us Drumpf" to "Gawd gave us Drumpf to deliver Pence." And Pence is a perfect vessel for them -- smarmy, hypocritical, oppressive to all Others.

The best way to defeat them is to set up any number of grifts to fleece them out of their money, so they have less to contribute to the next psychopath who tries to curry their favor. It may be time to get serious about coming up with a merch line.

Tuesday, October 04, 2016

Going Native

The WaPo seems to have cornered the market on these "get to know the Drumpfkins" pseudo-anthropological expeditions into Pennsyltucky and such like, to properly limn the narrative of the angry rube. Friday's profile of a clearly deranged Drumpfkin has ruffled some righteous feathers, and at the very least, I would say that the writer did much better work in her profile last year of racist murderer Dylann Stormfront Roof's circle of friends. But this is mostly due to the strictly fish-in-a-barrel nature of Melanie Austin's story, which you could say with a high degree of certainty will not end well.

And of course the trend continues today with an exhaustive study of the denizens of Middletown, Ohio. It never ends, as there are countless towns like this across the country that have been left behind in whatever economic recovery the United States -- as opposed to merely the inner cadre of wealthy and powerful people who actually run it -- has experienced, and they are all populated by angry, bewildered crackers who all appear to have bottomless wells of outrage, but zero will to actually do anything about their sorry lot in life.

After reading enough of these things, you can't help but wonder if they're cherry-picked, or if that's basically all there is to pick from when talking to Drumpfkins. They are startling in their near-perfect consistency, again expressing volubly their anger and bewilderment at how things have gone for them, but having no ideas about what they themselves can do, as adults in a free country who are responsible for their own volition.


Every time these goobers get gulled, it puts a song in my heart. Every. Fucking. Time. I can't think of a more deserving group.

Monday, October 03, 2016

Taking a Yuuuge Drumpf

If anyone out there still needed more specifics on whether Donald John "Fuckface Von Clownstick" Drumpf is a lying, conniving, thieving, weaselly, cocksucker piece-of-shit scumbag, here you go.

What a fucking turd of a quasi-human being. He's a fucking animal, and needs to be driven into the dirt, needs to have his empire crumble, needs to be made poor. And then have a crippling stroke, and live for another twenty years, physically healthy (if fat) but just mentally incapacitated enough to remember how it used to be.

It is impossible to see at this point how any reasonable person could support this man for dog-catcher, much less leader of the free world. Even his own supporters are just smart enough to not buy a used car from him, because deep down inside, they can't not know that this guy's entire "business" history is just a show, with the reality of him fucking over everyone and everything within reach.

Yet they're dumb enough to vote for him, despite all evidence.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Catching up from a nice long weekend away at the coast, it cannot go unmentioned how bizarrely, incredibly stoopid Drumpf really is. This Alicia Machado thing is unreal.

Let's concede, just for the sake of argument, that Machado is and has done everything her detractors claim she has done -- helped a gangster boyfriend getaway from an attempted murder; threatened a judge; banged a housemate on a Mexican reality show while dating a baseball player; had a kid by a hitter from the Sinaloa cartel; done a few pornos. Let's say it's all true and verifiable, that Alicia Machado is something less than (you'll forgive the pun) a model citizen.

Even so, at last Monday's debate, Hillary Clinton nailed Drumpf on any number of issues of real substance -- his non-payment of taxes; his lack of knowledge about the Iran deal; his imaginary ISIS plan; his unbridled joy in fucking over small businesses. So instead of responding at all, much less substantively, to any of those charges, Drumpf comes unglued and spends the entire week rationalizing why he was right in fat-shaming some pageant dingbat that everyone had forgotten about twenty years ago.

Seriously, what's wrong with this guy?

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

An Interrupting Cow

Well, I'm sure we're all glad that Clownstick saved us from having to look at that fat bitch in his stupid pageant. No doubt this is what his moron rally audience needed to hear. Yes, you fuckin' dummies, this is how he's going to bring your shit jobs back -- by lamely trying to reframe a nasty jab he took upside the head by someone a lot smarter and a lot more prepared. If nothing else, it'll keep their never-ending persecution complex kindled.

Having seen most of the debate live last night, and reading several different post-takes, I am only reinforced in my belief that the Drumpfsters are literally delusional. The ones who insist that Drumpf "won" the debate somehow were watching a completely different event than the rest of us were, one where even basic levels of preparation, civility, coherence, extemporaneous thought, and even nouns and verbs had no utility whatsoever.

The man goes off on a tangent like no one else. The people whining about Lester Holt haranguing him are completely ignoring the fact that Holt was doing his level best just to get Drumpf to stay on topic, not egregiously lie, and stay somewhere near the time constraints. As it was, Drumpf got away with murder, as far as harrumphing and interrupting Clinton during her segments. Yeah, that'll win the little ladies over, big guy.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Rating the Shitshow

It was everything you assumed it would be, and so much less. Actually, the analysis should defy the pregame expectations: Hillary stuck to her script, but remained poised and determined to let Drumpf fart and belch and interrupt her every answer and dig his own hole; Drumpf kept sniffing like a cokehead and sighing and lying and being an asshole and doing all those things that got Algore crucified at the hands of the kewl kidz.

Lester Holt tried to do his job, for real, aiming futilely to keep Drumpf on point, to get him to answer the actual question, etc., to little avail. The guy just doesn't operate that way, just ignored Holt's attempts to keep him on topic. But even Frank Luntz' focus group was 16-6 in favor of Clinton at the end. Maybe the novelty is finally wearing off, maybe people are starting to see reality with a real-time side-by-side comparison, maybe Hillary really did land some nice jabs (she did).

On the other hand, here's your corporate media in its epic brilliance, one more bloody time:

Jesus Christ, what a fucking tool. Of all the jobs it is literally impossible to "over-prepare" for, I think most of us can agree -- wherever we fall on the political spectrum -- that President of the United States is, like, the biggest, most obvious one. What the hell is wrong with these people? They are with false and empty equivalences what Drumpf is with lying, and lying about lying. It's pathological.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Master Debaters: Super Bowl Edition

As with most iterations of the big game, it's going to be very difficult for Monday's debate to live up to the hype accorded it. Most of the buildup seems to be a way for the media to pre-emptively excuse themselves for awarding Gump the win so long as he doesn't shit his pants and blurt the n-word. The bar for Hillary, as always, is set much, much differently.

I have definitely not been a fan of the Clintons in general, or of HFC in particular, over the years. I found their propensity to "triangulate" off-putting, their willingness to suck up to the real holders of power and sell the workers down the river pathetic and disgusting. And their self-inflicted scandals, while overblown, just get fuckin' tedious after a while.

All that said, the fact of the matter is that Bill Clinton's administration did lift a lot of people up. Hillary Clinton's law career did benefit some people who otherwise would have been ignored. The Clinton Foundation, even as it curries favor, sucks up to power, and accepts money from scummy regimes, does tangible, observable good for many people around the world. These things are indisputable.

On the other side, it is very difficult -- in fact, I have yet to see any record of it at all -- to show an instance where Drumpf used his own money to benefit another person, with himself completely out of the picture. Such an instance may, in fact, not exist as far as we can know or tell. His "foundation" has existed on other people's money since at least 2009, and during that time its monies have been used to purchase everything from political favor to life-size paintings. This is not a good person, this is a man-child comporting himself as such, and defying everyone to confront his behavior. He's a grifter, a con-artist, and he scarcely bothers to hide this obvious fact.

These things are important to keep in mind as context, heading into the debate. Drumpf has already well exceeded the usual amount of gamesmanship, first by whining that moderator Lester Holt's Democratic politics (SPOILER ALERT:  Holt is actually a registered Republican, not that that will make Shithead admit he's fucking wrong again) will skew the debate, make it rigged, etc. But Drumpf's reported lack of preparation should concern his supporters, not that it will, because they're morons. He is apparently convinced that since everyone forgets everything they see on teevee an hour after they see it, he doesn't need to prepare. He's already as awesome as he needs to be.

In a rational world, this sort of thing would concern even the most casual observer, much less a hardcore supporter. This is not an ideological observation, but a practical one. You are auditioning for the most important, most high-profile job on the planet. Every decision made by the person in this position affects literally every other person on Earth in one way or another.

Even interviews for mundane, middle-management pud positions in palooka organizations are going to require, say, a ten-to-fifteen-minute presentation on customer service or some such. And unless you are a clueless, arrogant asshole, you're going to practice your pitch and tighten your game, time yourself on things. It's just how a responsible person gets ready for something important. Only in the movies do you strut in like a jerkoff and try to wing it.

Ordinarily you'd assume good, that's a surefire path to a blowout. But he's trolled and worked the refs -- who, let's face it, aren't collectively very good at their jobs anyway -- for over a year, and defied expectations, and they seem institutionally inclined to cut him yet another break for some reason.

Ultimately, it's not about the media, it's about us, and what kind of country we want to be, and want to live in. We're about to find out, and Monday's debate is sure to be the (chronologically) final catalyst of this endless wankfest.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Reality Bites

Credit where it's due -- at long last the major media outlets are not only fact-checking this chronically LYING motherfucker, but they've independently (unless, you know, they were fed oppo research, which is just fine) compiled lists of the past week, events in which this asshole has completely fabricated something and tried to pass it off as fact.

The Washington Post has been better about this sort of thing than the NY Times has, but both have been remiss in phrasing Drumpf's verbal transgressions in appropriately stark -- that is to say, honest -- terms. Considering the passes Drumpf has been given on virtually every issue and event, it is a welcome change of pace. Hopefully it's not too little, too late.

As the most worrisome trend is the flock more than the shepherd, the hope is that the remaining people who are still inexplicably on the fence with this will get off their not-so-high horses and at least vote to stop a complete whackjob. At least some part of that is predicated on journamalists actually doing their job, and not just tweeting bullshit like "Yay, cobbler!" or "Snacks are great!"

Switching Sides

I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- whether she votes for Hillary Clinton or Dumb Old Chump, if your vote or your opinion about anything is swayed one iota by what some useless celebritard dunce thinks, there is something deeply and dangerously wrong with you. Such people should be ashamed of themselves, but usually don't have the good sense or grace to conduct themselves accordingly.

We Sold Our Soul for Schlock and Bull

Surely the least among us are unsurprised to find that MAN OF CONSCIENCE Cuban-Canadian Rafael Edward Cruz has decided to throw his 120 micrograms of political weight behind one Fuckface Von Clownstick, thereby eliminating the final shred behind which one might be able to conceal the notion that Cruz had any conscience or principle whatsoever.

Because Cruz was Drumpf's closest competitor in the primaries, and actually beat him in a handful of states, Drumpf's lobs at Cruz tended to be of a highly personal nature -- his wife was a dog (and had mental health issues), his dad helped Lee Harvey Oswald kill JFK, etc. Politics ain't beanbag, but this was also the sort of stuff you don't forgive people for and move on.

And Cruz' endorsement is statistically meaningless; many of not most of his supporters were in the camp as much out of disdain for Drumpf as being for Cruz. The only thing that makes sense here is that Cruz thinks that by strapping on the kneepads, he has a shot at getting appointed to the Supreme Court when Texas bounces his worthless ass in 2018.

And you know what? He's probably right. One thing Drumpf prizes above all else is loyalty -- for a man who apparently has never had a pet, he's clearly a dog person. He just prefers his dogs in human form.

People like Cruz and Chris Christie, who talk a good game but who are utterly bereft of spine and character and actual principles, are more than willing to kneel and do tricks and let master balance a biscuit (at least we hope it's a biscuit) across their noses. They'll eat their own shit and sleep in the yard if that's what it takes. They'd toss the old man's salad in Times Square at noon if it got them the AG and SCOTUS seats they crave so. Their desire to damage this country is as unmitigated and unlimited as their sheer gall.

Scorched earth, people. These fuckers are cockroaches, be prepared to nuke 'em all. No quarter. Beat them like the mangy dogs that they truly are. The "free press" ain't gonna help, so we gotta beat 'em all at their own game, so badly that they can't come back.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The God Deception

If political god-botherers wonder why no one outside their own circles take them seriously, Roy hits it on the head. They prattle on about "principles" and "testifying" and "bearing witness" and all that bullshit, while they connive and contrive ways to conceal their support for someone who routinely bears false witness against others, is on trial for fraud, has bragged about his adulterous behavior, and lives a life entirely based on covetousness, thus violating five of the ten commandments they supposedly revere.

The most off-putting thing about self-styled "moral majority" Christian conservatives is how convinced they are of their own righteousness, of how much better they and their bullshit principles are than we worldly secular types. Well, bunky, you're a liar, and a pretty fuckin' bad one at that, if you can support a candidate whose entire adult life is characterized by some of the most un-Christian behavior imaginable. We'd all be better off if you just came clean and admitted that you're full of shit, that your principles are empty and meaningless.

But then, it was always a lie. These are people who have spent the last generation or two lining up for transparent charlatans like Marion "Pat" Robertson and Jerry Falwell. The only consolation is knowing that these suckers keep giving money to the hucksters in exchange for a salvation that will never come. If there was a god, they'd have been fried by divine lightning years ago.


The next time one of your conservative friends whines about the librul media in general, and NPR in particular, point them to Sarah McCammon's Twitter feed. They don't call 'em Nice Polite Republicans for nothin', you know.

Jesus, if you were to hire a Twitter PR flack, you couldn't do much better than this. It's just rote, uncritical transcribing of what Drumpf or his surrogates said, punctuated with "Yay, food!" nonsense. I guess Hillary needs to get snack bags or Lunchables for them or something for the plane ride.

For every David Fahrenthold that actually does his job, there's a dozen of these useless tools. Shame on them. Quit hurting America and go get a real job.

[via Balloon Juice]

The Deplorables

Drew Magary is one of the best and funniest writers on these here internets, and he rocks it out of the park here for GQ in a dead-serious post. It's pretty much what many of us in the anonymous crannies of the blogosphere have been saying, but it's wonderful to see in a more mainstream publication, and it's all worthy of excerpting:
And so I’d just like to say to that portion of the electorate: Fuck you. No, seriously. Go fuck yourselves. I’m not gonna waste any more time trying to convince you that you’re about to do something you’ll regret forever. I’m not gonna show you old clips of Trump saying rotten things. I’m not gonna try to ANNIHILATE Trump by showing you records of his hypocrisy and greed. I’m not gonna link to a John Oliver clip and be like, “THIS. So much this.” Nothing’s gonna take down Trump at this point, so I’m not gonna bother. No no, this post is for ME. I am preaching to the sad little choir in my soul here.

Because while Trump is a miserable bastard, YOU are the people who have handed him the bullhorn. YOU are the people willing to embarrass this nation and put it on the brink of economic ruin all because you wanna throw an electoral hissy fit. YOU are the people who want to revolutionize the way America does business by voting for its worst businessman, a disgusting neon pig who only makes money when he causes problems for other people instead of solving them. YOU are the thin-skinned yokels who clutch your bandoliers whenever someone hurls the mildest of slurs at you (“deplorables”), while cheering Trump on as he leaves a bonfire of truly hateful invective everywhere he goes. YOU are the people willing to overlook the fact that Trump is an unqualified, ignorant sociopath because DURRRR HILLARY IS BAD TOO DURRRR.
Fuckin' A. Drumpf's followers are such pathetic fucking crybabies, he oughta hold the scampaign rallies at nursery schools and day care centers. Hillary was far too kind when she, in her inimitable purple phrasing, cast only half of the Drumpftards as the now-infamous "basket of deplorables."

At this point, there is no percentage in sugar-coating the obvious -- they are all deplorable. Every last one of them. Their dumb, bloviating cocksucker of a candidate has spent the last sixteen months spreading LIES and talking shit about everybody and everything, and when someone finally slaps back a little, they cry like goats being slaughtered. ZOMG, Crooked Hitlery called us a name! LOCK HER UP!, they whinged without the slightest sense of irony or self-awareness.

Drumpf and his shitbird children LIE freely and frequently, retweeting memes literally from white supremacists and Stormfront types. Does that mean that everyone who supports Drumpf is a racist or white supremacist? Not necessarily.

But at this point they can't not know that those animals do support Drumpf, quite loudly and in significant numbers. If you're aligned with him, you are now aligned with them. You are aligned with his continuing LIES about his birtherism, a "movement" he instigated and rode directly into contention for the White House. Not Hillary. Drumpf. His own timeline that he gave last Friday doesn't even jibe with his own Twitter account. That's how little he respects the morons who support him -- and make no mistake, there are some dumb fucking people in that group. I'm surprised these dipshits can even dress themselves, and are allowed out of the house with money. And their "reasons" get stupider and stupider with each iteration.

His "foundation" is a scam and a fraud, just like everything else about him, and his scummy life, and his vile family. These are disgusting people. The supporters are aligned with them and their shameless scams. Is Hillary a flawed candidate? You bet. But there is no comparison as to the level, scale, and degree of the "flaws" between the candidates. One has a knack for dumb, unforced errors, and a disregard for basic tenets of truth and transparency. The other is a fucking criminal who has literally thousands of lawsuits against him right now, and has LIED about everything and anything.

And he's a shit businessman who's not worth anywhere near what he says, which is obviously why he won't release his tax returns. Sorta undermines the 'tards basic argument that he'd "fix the economy." Sure he would -- instead of the gains going to Wall Street, they'd just go to him and his friends instead. You'd still be shit-broke and stupid, rube.

These goobers keep whining about how "frustrated" they are, and how "unfair" it all is, and how it all needs to be "shaken up," and how Drumpf is just the man to do it. Well, let me tell you something, rube:  we're frustrated with you, because you refuse to read a book or even a newspaper, because you poison your mind with nonsense, because instead of unfucking your so-called lives, you just steep your pea-brains in internet LIES and get worse and worse. You're everything that's wrong with this country, you ignorant goons, and you don't have the fucking balls to own up to it.

You're not shaking anything up, you're simply employing the time-tested ethos of the looter, using a street protest as cover to break some windows and steal shit. You're everything you claim to despise. You're a drunk on a barstool, itching to finally elect someone just like yourself -- a proudly ignorant, bloviating idiot. To support Drumpf after all this is to be nothing more than a child stamping his wittle feet in the supermarket, throwing a temper tantrum because Mommy won't buy the sugar-bomb cereal. So your solution is to burn the supermarket down with everyone in it.

Hillary was too nice about it; unconstrained by the "gravitas" and "decorum" the way your nutjob asshole is, she could say what I'm saying, what Magary is saying, what more and more people are saying:  Fuck Drumpf, and fuck you.

Never Were We Told That We'd Be Bought and Sold, We Were Innocent

This just in, newsophiles:  CNN common-tater Corey "Bitchez be trippin" Lewandowski still works for the Drumpf scampaign. So do lifelong ratfuckers Roger Stone and Paul Manafort. Work rapist Roger Ailes is almost certainly advising Drumpf right now on how best to cold-cock Hillary at the debate next Monday.

Watching CNN honcho Jeff Sucker (aka Jeff Sugar, which is what "Zucker" means in the first place) try to lamely insist that Lewandowski isn't still on the Drumpf payroll just reminds me that Sucker lawn-darted NBC while Drumpf's bullshit tycoon shitshow was crapping up the people's airwaves. Sucker is the one who green-lit the show in the first place, in fact.

It gets worse, a lot worse. You will not be surprised at all to find that Drumpf and Sucker are thick as thieves. Sucker keeps a framed Drumpf tweet in his office, for starters. More concretely, Drumpf's "foundation" donated $150k of other people's money to the Manhattan prep school where both Sucker and Drumpf send their kids, and on whose board one Caryn Sucker just happened to sit. It really is a small world, after all.

(Which begs the question:  don't these prep schools charge enough to attend? One hears constantly about the tens of thousands of dollars per year -- tuition costs that rival many universities -- parents have to fork over to educate their primary and secondary grade level children. Why is it that they need to shake the tree further? Do these do-nothing douchebags not have quite enough tax write-offs?)

Something to keep in mind the next time Drumpf tries to pre-work the refs by whining that mean 'ol Andy Cooper won't give Drumpf, this good Christian man, a fair shake at his totally rigged debate.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

No Cure For Cancer

A big part of the reason the media have dropped the ball so badly in this season's scampaign coverage is that they were wholly unprepared for the brazen, in-your-face, sky-is-purple-and-water-is-orange ability of Drumpf and his surrogates to LIE when questioned or interviewed. This is understandable, up to a certain point, a point which I think most of us can agree was passed long ago.

Journamalists seem to value access and availability more than anything. And of course these scumbags are available to flood the zone with their LIES anytime, anywhere. It's not like Chris Christie or Hunchback Giuliani were needed somewhere else; neither one has any other function anymore but to serve their dark orange master.

So it's up to the journos themselves to decide that if they're going to let these fuckers on their shows to try to legitimize their LIES, they have a responsibility to call them as such, and in fact to reach a point where, if the person they're interviewing is refusing to be truthful with them, then that person has no value to add to the exercise, even as pure kabuki theater (which of course most of this is anyway).

The way these people preen and lecture about the sanctity of their profession, you'd think they'd have more respect for it themselves. I can't respect someone who has LIARS on their teevee show to LIE to me and everyone else, and who then acts like they're upholding some sacred trust by letting these scumbags talk on at length, spreading their FUCKING LIES virtually uncontested.

I don't want Jake Tapper gently challenging Fatboy Christie on his LYING; I want Tapper to give him a chance or two to come clean, and then to say, You know, if we can't agree on basic, verifiable, empirical facts to discuss, then we're done here. We might as well just move on to the fucking farm report. I have better things to do than to serve as a scampaign megaphone for you soulless, LYING fucks. Okay? That's a public service. That's upholding the public trust.

The journos try to excuse their gutless, enabling behavior, saying they have a professional responsibility to air both sides of these issues. But there are not two sides to every issue. Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign did not start the birther issue, that does not explain why Drumpf took it up in 2011 anyway. He did not end it in 2011, he started it then, and continued his rotten insinuations in his Twitter feed right up to last year, right before he descended that goddamned escalator. When he and his surrogates say anything other than those FACTS, they are LYING. See how easy that is?

Facts do not have "sides." Things are either true or false. These people are trafficking strictly in falsehoods. They do this because -- as we keep saying -- they understand how media weasels perceive themselves, and therefore they understand how to manipulate them. They know that these careerist dim-bulbs with their franchise shows want above all else to preserve the veneer of seriousness and decorum. They all think they're Mike Wallace, but none of them actually have the balls to call bullshit. The Drumpfsters know this, and have played it very effectively. They know that to their base, it makes them look defiant, and it makes their media interrogator look weak.

Maybe the media weasels need someone to tell them specifically that they have no ethical or professional obligation to sit there and let people flood the zone and LIE to them, that they can end the interviews, that they don't need to have them on in the first place.