Yet Another Lame Fitzmas Poem

Because everyone else is doing it:

'Twas the night before Fitzmas, and all through the shire
Came the sneaking suspicion that the king was a liar

'Tween Karl and Tommy and Jack Abramoff
The snouts were entrenched in the same giant trough

Whilst the King played it dumb with his usual flair
Corruption as always infused the stale air

And I in my jam-jams, and woolen nightcap
Wished I could hibernate from all of this crap

But the system was broken, and would never be fixed
As long we 'murkins kept thumbing our dicks

The media didn't help, they were all bought and paid for
By the same guys who wanted to curry the king's favor

They were part of the problem, it all stands to reason
That Tweety and Li'l Russ were guilty of treason

Some folks assume that they just sold their souls
That, and also they're lazy assholes

They were better than Limbaugh, but not by that much
Using their fake objectivity as a crutch

Then all of a sudden, there arose such a clatter
Could Dennis Hastert had somehow gotten even fatter?

But no it was the king, with a slightly dazed grin
It was as if he'd forgotten what country he's in

On Scooter! On Rover! On Sean Boy! On Rush!
On Coulter! On Malkin! The Bill O' Rights we flush!

He ranted and raved, and he justified his crimes
He couldn't see why he should be doing hard time

"Your laws and your rights are what I say they are
And if you don't like it, you should move away far"

I thought about this, and considered my luck
Looked the Chimperor in the eye, and said, "Get fucked."

Maybe it's you that should move far away
To a country where everything must go your way

Meanwhile you're here, and we actually have laws
You're not God, you're not Jesus, and you're not Santa Claus

You're just a dumb asshole with a more famous dad
By far the worst president this country's ever had

So please quit pretending your shit don't stink
Get your ass back to work, and learn how to think

Laws apply to everyone, not everyone else
Or cronies who buy their way out with their wealth

And that's why your ass will soon be impeached
So the Oval Office can yet again be bleached

With that, the king almost looked a bit fearin'
He babbled about freedom n' terror n' brush-clearin'

But after a while, it all came to naught
Even he knew that this trial would be fought

I coulda gone further, but instead I stopped short
"Merry Fitzmas to all....see your dumb ass in court."