The Original Kings Of Comedy

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line
To find the money's on the other side
Can I get another amen?-- Holiday, Green Day

It's been interesting to watch Dan Froomkin spend much of the week deconstructing the media establishment's pathetic attempts to marginalize Stephen Colbert's lambasting of them at The Dinner. And he's been on the right track the whole time, but perhaps his own attendance of the event has clouded his normally sharp judgment as to the reasoning behind the media weasels suddenly finding spine enough to turn on their own, rather than the people who've been punking them for the past five years running. Then again, Froomkin's certainly no fool, so he's probably just being polite.

Some weasels, like Mr. Meredith Vieira, after dryly flashing their long-standing humor quals, belabor Colbert's apparent etiquette problem:

Why are you wasting my time with Colbert, I hear you ask. Because he is representative of what too often passes for political courage, not to mention wit, in this country. His defenders -- and they are all over the blogosphere -- will tell you he spoke truth to power. This is a tired phrase, as we all know, but when it was fresh and meaningful it suggested repercussions, consequences -- maybe even death in some countries. When you spoke truth to power you took the distinct chance that power would smite you, toss you into a dungeon or -- if you're at work -- take away your office.

But in this country, anyone can insult the president of the United States. Colbert just did it, and he will not suffer any consequence at all. He knew that going in. He also knew that Bush would have to sit there and pretend to laugh at Colbert's lame and insulting jokes. Bush himself plays off his reputation as a dunce and his penchant for mangling English. Self-mockery can be funny. Mockery that is insulting is not. The sort of stuff that would get you punched in a bar can be said on a dais with impunity. This is why Colbert was more than rude. He was a bully.

Couple things here. First of all, Bush and his lackeys have functioned as bullies literally from day one -- well before 9/11, before anyone gets the bright idea to re-inflate yet again that sunken trope. They have politicized and controlled the flow of information that, ideally at least, a citizenry needs to make (as the moron himself would say) good, crisp decisions. Instead we are foundering in two wars, with no end in sight, trying like hell to start a third pre-emptively, mired in debt, gas prices taking a serious chunk out of working commuters' incomes, and their Big Idea is to give everyone a hundred bucks for gas plus yet another tax cut to the donor class.

But Colbert's the asshole. Right.

Second is the obvious problem with Andrew Dice Cohen attempting to impose the notion of what is and isn't funny, especially in the rarefied context of political satire. Apparently it's okey-doke when Bush brings a short film of himself looking under his desk for those pesky WMD, even as American kids are getting blown apart by roadside bombs because he and his asshole buddies insisted that they knew exactly where those fucking things were stashed. It's fine when Don Imus skews Clinton with his infidelities, even as he skewed the Diceman Cohen himself for banging Peter Jennings' wife. (If memory serves me correctly, that would have been Kati Marton, who is now the wife of Richard Holbrooke, I believe. I can scarcely be bothered to check the social register to be certain of all this. You'll just have to trust me.)

The news coverage of the day after the dinner was pretty much exclusively devoted to the tiresome, lame routine between Bush and his "double". Really, even 30-second snippets of this nonsense got old quick. But to hear them tell of it, that was the highlight of their little hootenanny.

Cohen and the rest of them have made sure to complain ad nauseam of how those darn hectoring lefty-librul meanie bloggerses have badgered them into commenting on Colbert after they tried to disappear his 20-minute monologue down the ol' poop-chute. And sadly, they're right -- they would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for all us meddling kids. So tough shit, Hopalong.

But this sort of hypocritical nonsense is to be expected from a longtime hack like Cohen; where we may not have expected it so much is from The Artist Formerly Known As Wonkette:

While it may have shocked the President to hear someone talk so openly about his misdeeds in the setting of the correspondents dinner — joking about "the most powerful photo-ops in the world" and NSA wiretaps — I somehow doubt that Bush has never heard these criticisms before.

What exactly makes her think so? Has the "bubble" meme been so thoroughly internalized that she is now starting to disbelieve it, as if it just can't be quite as true as people say? How could she have possibly arrived at this conclusion? All snark aside, how in the hell could you look at a single thing Bush has done -- in terms of major policy initiatives and speeches, or even just how things get done around the White House, with their notorious penchant for secrecy and for leaving all televisions tuned to Faux News -- and just assume that Bush has heard all (or even any) of these criticisms before? It is remotely possible, but even then, clearly it hasn't had any effect on Bush. Clearly he needs to hear more of it; clearly he needs to get a better idea of why 2/3 of the American people think he's an incompetent moron.

Colbert's defenders might aim for the same stinging criticisms to be issued not from the Hilton ballroom but from the dais in a Senate Judiciary committee hearing. And I wouldn't really care if they were funny or not.

Uh yeah, dearie. Dunno if you've heard about this one, but because of the partisan makeup of the people's elected representatives -- also known as the "Congress" -- there's about as much chance of that happening right now as there is of Bush reading a newspaper without moving his lips. Now, some of the people in the opposition party, known as "Democrats", are sorta kinda working up the stones to mount an effective campaign against him and them. So far the strategy seems to be "wait until the polls hit 10%, and then attack with fists of political fury".

In the meantime, while the majority of people who are tired of this feckless little creep and his thugs ruining the country wait around for something to be done, maybe we are settling by lauding Colbert. He did, after all, stand just a few feet away from Bush and beat him like a piñata, all in the archly-crafted guise of a self-important hump pretending to be a journalist. Meanwhile, the "real" journamalists sat there in their cocktail dresses, waiting for someone to tell them whether it was funny or not, then ultimately deciding that it was not, because it might cost them access. And future party invitations. Them cocktail weenies is tasty.

Worse yet, Colbert hit them as hard as he hit Bush. When, at the beginning of his "I wanna be the next press secretary" bit, Colbert offered that no one had as much contempt for the assembled journalists as he did, he looked like he just might have meant it. That had to hurt, especially because, deep down inside, most of them know he's right, about them, about Bush, about the whole goddamn dog-and-pony show. The real power Colbert spoke the hard truth to is the gilded weaselocracy that deems itself better and more-informed than all those nasssty unwashed bloggerses in the fever swamps. Why, how could anyone take Atrios or Digby seriously, they sniff; after all, what think tank is underwriting their opinion-mongering?

I mean, as much as I like a chick who takes it in the ass, Wonkette is far too clueless about this, for someone who traded up on snark and skewering any and all cows, sacred and otherwise. At least she still has the balls to call herself a "card-carrying lefty". I bet she really does have a card, to whip out at all the kewl parties for a quick snickery icebreaker. It's probably embossed and shit.

I dunno. I seriously can't imagine sitting in a room with Bush and his people, knowing what they've done, what they stand for, what they're willing to do all for just a couple of political percentage points, pretending it's all okay, it's just politics. It's not, it's the lives and dreams and aspirations of ordinary people at stake here, and it would be nice if, instead of occasionally donning their Bobo's World cap and heading out to the sticks for a week of earthy wisdom at Cletus' Bed n' Breakfast, they might grow the fuck up and realize that they could and should be doing work that matters. They are too caught up in their stupid little careers and their stupid little party circles. Careerism is not work; work is work.

So get back to work already, soon as you're done with your goddamned appletinis and your smug self-satisfaction. Stephen Colbert is not your problem, no matter how gauche and déclassé his behavior seemed to you and the rest of the swells.