"The big government, big tax Obama-Pelosi-Reid spending spree is over," [Palin] said, referring also to the president and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-San Francisco. "You're fired."
Oh-ho-ho, I bet she stayed up all night memorizing that li'l zinger. Then she looked at her scribbled palm and called it a "poor man's TelePrompTer". Because, you see, nobody in the history of the universe ever used a TelePrompTer before Barry Hussein came along. True story.
Calling this collection of addled malcontents a "conservative Woodstock" does a serious disservice to both of those terms. These people are not "conservatives", they're a bunch of hypocritical morons who are angry, yet can't explain precisely why. Something about "freedom Jesus values great bailout scrotum Warshington". Also, booga-booga!
Much as Woodstock featured an eclectic lineup ranging from the Grateful Dead to Sha-Na-Na, Saturday's speakers included Joe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher, Orange County Assemblyman and Tea Party Express-endorsed Senate candidate Chuck DeVore, and former "Saturday Night Live" star Victoria Jackson.
Sweet Jesus, I had to read that twice to confirm it, then bleach my eyeballs. Does anyone have the heart to tell that vapid cow Vicky Jackson that she was invited to make Sarah Palin look intelligent? Not that she would understand. Hell, even Sha-Na-Na would have more political erudition than Jackson, whose crosseyed-borderline-retard-with-funbags schtick was old in 1995, and who went around the bend on dispensationalist eschatology several years ago.
Frankly, it's dismaying that anyone even pretending to want to be taken seriously would get in the same cornfield as Victoria Jackson -- but then, when Palin headlined the $600/head teabaggers' convention, the opening acts were WhirledNutDaily's Joseph Farah and Tom Tancredo. Clearly, she'd show up to the opening of a fucking envelope if it gave her the chance to tell the same three jokes for the millionth time.
I mean, consider -- Palin, Wurzelbacher, DeVore, Jackson. These are the stars of the event. There's more intellectual firepower in the Jersey Shore mooks. The average IQ of the event could have been raised ten points just by inviting The Situation.
It pisses me off that these assholes get front-page coverage, and it's especially irritating that attendance is listed merely as "thousands". Well, how many "thousands", Chief -- two, ten, thirty? The NY Times mentioned it as "several" thousand, which we assume means three or four. So, yeah, exactly like Woodstock, divided by, say, a hundred or so. "Several thousand" people show up to the fucking farmers' market out here in the sticks, why is this not back-page "what is the deal with these loons" fodder?
The teabaggers are entirely a creation of the librul media they despise so, and it's unconscionable that they continue to enable these dirtbags.
If there is an overriding thread tying together the quilt of Tea Party dyspepsia, it's expressed on the yellow "Don't Tread on Me" flags waving from the sea of RVs.
And there's the incoherence right there in a nutshell -- a bunch of angry codgers collecting Social Security and Medicare, traveling out to the high desert (at 40 mph with the right turn signal on the entire way, no doubt) in an RV paid for at least in some part by the savings generated from gubmint-subsidized health care -- wait for it -- to rant incoherently and listen to others rant about health care. As a taxpayer, I fucking resent their lack of basic decency and gratitude, and I insist that they hold true to their solemn vows and principles, and give back any and all assistance they receive from the evil "communist dictator who is taking us to hell", as Vicky Jackson so profoundly put it.
I think we'd all be shocked if any of these people had the goddamned balls to put their money where their big mouths are, and get off the gubmint tit already. Give it back, folks. Step up and give back your blood money. Get hold of that free market insurance yer always yammerin' about, and let us know how that works out for ya.
In other "impossible to parody" news, Palin is said to be ready to unleash a barrage of Facebook and Twitter posts momentarily, in which her saucer-eyed cult followers will be exhorted to "assassinate the Demonrats' hopey-changey stuff" and "plant an IED of freedom under their campaign roadbed", before "ethnically cleansing" that party. "What?" Palin will inevitably reply when called on her stale bullshit, while smirking and shrugging her shoulders disingenuously. "It's one-a them metafer thingies, doncha know. When I talk about "bloodletting", I just mean political bloodletting, see. They know what I mean. You can't tell us to sit down and shut up, Mister Man! Lock and load, motherfuckers!
"Metaphorically speaking, of course."
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