No truth to the rumor that I am in the running to be the next Pope. It's not because I'm married and have a family, nor is it because I'm atheist, much less not Catholic to begin with.
It's because the church will never again, if their inbred cabal of bastards has any say in the matter, risk allowing someone ascend to the office who might actually walk the talk. They accidentally did that once with the unfortunate Albino Luciani, and that didn't turn out so well.
No, the cardinals want someone who will preserve the hierarchy, the bank, the high-end properties, and then go to overpopulated slums and tell the poorest people on the planet that their continued suffering and privation is actually redemptive, that to practice even simple birth control would condemn them for eternity. Perhaps the most charitable actions for some people would be to just leave them the hell alone.