Saturday, May 11, 2013

Straw Blogs

Say there, fellow internets heathen! Tired of seeing intellectual coherence and logical reasoning everywhere you look? Looking for evidence that maybe Darwin was wrong? Have you become mistakenly convinced that people who make any sort of living writing actually have to know what the fuck they're talking about before they sharpen their electronic crayon and put it to virtual paper?

Friends, look no further. ClownHall's John Hawkins takes a break from his site, where he apparently encourages unibrow morans to use Family Guy characters to ventriloquize their bumptious nonsense (seriously, The Looking Spoon? seems like I Kin Haz Reetard would have been more appropriate), to generate a laundry list of librul strawmen.

(Further evidence of Hawkins' babbling idiocy can be found here, in which he exhorts his readership to boycott liberal celebrities. Because yeah, otherwise they might keep buying Madonna albums and watching Janeane Garofalo movies. Is this guy fuckin' drunk or what?)

This is the usual ipse dixit, tautological conservatard guff we've become long accustomed to, but what's striking is how the commenters take to this cheap, fact-free chum as if it were brought down by Moses from Mount Sinai. One of these bozos defiantly instructs doubters to "prove" Hawkins "wrong," as if it were possible to muster factual information to counter a group of tedious assertions that had to left some scar tissue when Hawkins pulled them out of his doughy ass.

Ed at G&T would FJM this six ways from Sunday. I'll just leave you with the thought that in the past, you would have had to trudge down to the park and find a homeless heroin addict to hear the sorts of mutterings Hawkins (and his idiot readers) trumpet as some sort of received wisdom. This is beyond the usual intellectual pant-shitting that, say, Jonah Goldberg indulges in. This is more like someone shitting their pants, then smearing it all over the wall.

Or in this case, the internets.

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