Saturday, August 12, 2017

Plz Moar Tardz

Well, it's about that time again, time for the lamestream media's periodic ass-spelunking tour into dipshit country, to reinforce Emperor Snowflake's rapidly dwindling coterie of ball-lickers that somewhere out there, there's a derpelganger jes' lahk thaym:
Out on Colorado’s eastern plains, an agricultural region where voters went overwhelmingly for Mr. Trump, the response to the president’s remarks was one of support, with little fear of repercussions.

“He needs to step all over that little twerp,” said John Stout, 71, who sat with three retired friends over coffee at the Sinclair gas station in Wiggins, Colo., on Thursday. The other men nodded in agreement. “If it had been me up there,” Mr. Stout continued, “I’d have done it a lot quicker.”
Sure you would've, old man. Everyone's a fucking tough guy when they have no skin in the game. Why, I recall the last time I played a Civilization 4 campaign, I finally got bored and decided to finish off the last AI opponent -- Korea -- by nuking....wait for it....Pyongyang. Then I smoked a cigarette. [cough cough hack] So satisfying.
Mr. Stout said he did not fear for his safety, and hoped that [Fuckface Von Clownstick] would take action to “take out” the North Korean leader’s nuclear abilities.

“Hell yes,” he said. “And they can pinpoint it to where they are not killing a lot of innocent people. That will be the big goal there.”
The worst thing this country ever did -- and continues to do, through its estimable coven of city-mouse scriveners -- is ascribe some sort of earthy wisdom to random jabber, simply because it comes from the piehole of a fist-shaking codger in a dumpy shithole town.

Ordinarily you might suggest to this ancient asshole that he take a few minutes and check out Mark Bowden's excellent rundown of our NK options, but we all know that would be a waste of time. The defining characteristic of people like John Stout is that you cain't tell 'em nothin'. They already know everything there is to know about these places and people that they've never so much as read about, and could not find on a map if you dangled a $100 bill and said "somewhere in Asia." They just know.

I continue to be completely baffled by the Times' and the Post's insistence on updating us on the outlook of these people. Do the reporters think the rubes are going to change their minds? Surely some of them will and are; the approval ratings have been consistently trending down. (Then again, fucking polls, amirite? Oh yeah, she's got this in the bag, 90% chance, yo! Lot you fucking people know.)

But the base, your proverbial 27%, will never change their minds. Ever. Dear Leader really could shoot some random people in the street, followed by the release of forensic accounting documents verified by a non-partisan team of experts proving that he's been laundering bratva money for decades, followed by a certified legit video of him in the middle of a human centipede with Vladimir Putin and Sergey Kislyak, and they'd still find an excuse for him.

Seriously. There's something wrong with these people, all of them. The guy with a picture of Snowflake painted on the hood of his truck? Who fucking does that, besides a moony closet case or a brain-dead cult drone. What kind of idiot feels safer with this doddering, erratic old man, who changes his mind on a fucking dime and cannot be counted to hold firm on anything of value?

Again, if you owned a small business and Snowflake was one of your employees, you'd fire his ass, and enjoy doing it. If he was your boss, you'd tell him to shove his job up his ass and key his shitbox on your way out of the parking lot. True fact.

Look, North Korea is a dangerous, unpredictable regime that has perpetrated generations of evil and misery on their people. The Kim dynasty will go down in history as monsters. It is nothing short of a potential catastrophe that NK has nuclear weapons capability, and that they will continue to use that capability to shake money out of everyone else for temporary bouts of comparatively good behavior.

If there was actually a way to do a surgical strike and eliminate the inner circle with a minimum of casualties, everyone across the spectrum would be all for it. Fareed Zakaria said earlier tonight on Bill Maher's show that if Snowflake's bluster somehow got NK to denuclearize, he would deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. Absolutely.

But obviously, that is not what's happening. He just keeps doubling and tripling down on his weird, well, Kim-like threats. This "fire and fury," "locked and loaded" jabber plays just fine with people in eastern Colorado who wear belt buckles the size of pancakes, and really are just helping that sheep over the fence. But that Gary Cooper shit really isn't how the world of international diplomacy works, at all.

(And again, that's even supposing that he's Gary Cooper to begin with. Which he isn't. Believe me. These people have a frighteningly low bar for tough guys. Snowflake has punched down -- way down -- his entire life. Whatever money and assets he has were either inherited from Daddy, bought or built with gubmint grants (like his Batman tower), or flat-out stolen from working people. He screws over people too powerless to fight back, whether it's contractors or "university" suckers (the latter of whom, quite frankly, just about deserve to be fleeced). But he's never made an honest buck in his life, and in fact is happy to poach from those that do. He does it with lawyers and tax weasels, like all tough guys.)

These stupid little articles are presented like they're supposed to mean something, but, you know, add up the numbers here -- three individuals and a county Republican women's group in Georgia, and a few scattered rubes in rural Colorado. So what? There's never any balance, there's never any attempt whatsoever to find a single Democratic voter, see if their opinions have changed or been reinforced about Snowflake (or Hillary, for that matter), see what they think about this addled codger yanking on the nuclear football like it's whatever's left of his tiny old-man cock.

The marching morons are bad enough, and there's no value at all in being reminded that they're there, considering nothing -- literally nothing -- will change their minds. Because they don't care about their country, all they care about is pissing off their imagined caricature of some crunchy granola help-wearing libtard.

Welp, if there are any enterprising journamalists out there who might be looking for less-grazed pastures for fuck's sake -- I've got a piping-hot take to share with the journos and the rubes:  We're not crying, we're laughing. It's hilarious watching this ridiculous clown, with his wig and his moobs and his diaper and his fucking cameltoe, waddle and babble and bluster his way through every goddamn thing.

I mean, think about it. The Republicans have captured all three branches of the gubmint, plus two-thirds of the state legislatures. And they can't get jack shit done. Their fucking joke of a "health care" bill, dead. Which kills their upcoming bullshit feints at "tax reform" and "infrastructure." So they got nothing.

So who does Clownstick blame? Fucking Mitch McConnell. Of course. The guy who personally went out of his way to steal a Supreme Court seat for you -- the one thing you've been able to accomplish, thanks to the Federalist Society handing you a list and telling you which name to point at -- and you shit all over him. Like it's his fault.

No. It's been woefully under-reported, thanks to daily distractions and the aforementioned ass-spelunking excursions, but the fact is that The People actually showed up on this one. They called their House reps' and Senators' offices; they showed up at the town halls to heckle and ask tough questions; they showed up at airports to thank the ones who voted against the repeal, and flip off the ones who voted for it. Talk about the will of the people, their will seems quite clear on this one.

McConnell's a turd of a human being who will spend eternity in hell eating Roy Cohn's asshole, but he did everything he could to ram this shank up 'murka's collective poop-chute. It's not his fault that at the end of the day, our good friend Poor Ol' Straight Talk finally decided to do the right thing.

If McConnell had anything resembling a backbone -- or, let's face it, a chin -- he'd find a way to remind Snowflake that when it comes to major pieces of cornerstone legislation, he, Snowflake, has a role in using his so-called bully pulpit to push it along and give it momentum. And Snowflake did the opposite, throughout the course of trying to pass this turd through the House and Senate. At one point he called it "mean," and kept suggesting that it would result in lower premiums and better coverage for all, with zero -- literally fucking zero -- data on how that was going to happen. Apparently all the insurance-pharma-HMO racketeers were just going to fold up their tents and do whatever His Fucking Highness says, by writ of his divine doll-hand. I mean, Jesus H. Christ.

And now he's trying to run from it and pin it on them, on his own party. No, asshole, you're supposed to be the leader of your party, see. Failure to pass key legislation when you have electoral dominance in all houses means you have zero juice outside your party, and watery juice at best within the party. But since he has no knowledge whatsoever of the mechanics of legislation and governance, only the theatrics of those things, this is what you get -- a daily fucking dose of ever more befuddled incompetence. He's going to be smearing his name in his own shit on the Oval Office walls by the end of the year, at this rate.

Seriously, how sure are we that this asshole doesn't drink or take drugs? He might as well, you know.

Seven months into this riotous clusterfuck, and I still find myself surprised at least once a week by how truly, deeply stupid he is. About everything; there seems to be no subject whatsoever in which he displays even limited competence. His "team" seems to think they can cover for his idiocy and penchant for blurting nonsense by saying that he's improvising. Is that what we have, our first fucking jazz president? I don't think so, assholes. Although I'm sure the State of the Union is going to sound a lot like scat singing, if he makes it that far.

His fella Republicunts may not give two shits about the fate of their nation, but they will turn on him in a heartbeat once he looks bad for business. And it's getting there with a quickness -- and that's before you include whatever Robert Mueller's pulling together. This ship's going down, but the primary reason is that the "captain" keeps shooting a gun through the hull, and blaming the gun, the bullets, the hull, everything but his own pig-blind stupidity.

He has no balls, this fucking guy. He's being played by a cartoon tyrant who looks like an Asian Pillsbury Doughboy with a fucked-up haircut. He's such a wuss that he had to hire a bridge-and-tunnel Sopranos extra to get rid of Sean Spicer and Reince Priebus, two gutless assholes who are frightened by each others' shadows. "You're fired"? Please. He doesn't have the guts to fire anyone. He's the typical inept Peter Principle douchebag who equates firing staff with admitting incompetence on his own part, for hiring them in the first place.

What that invariably translates into is letting incompetent people stay on longer, letting them do more damage to your organization, until you find a way to cut them loose. Countless businesses of every size that fail, frequently do so for exactly this reason -- and the higher the profile of the incompetent schmuck you refuse to fire, the more damage they do before you get rid of them. And ironically, the failure of the boss -- especially one that likes to play up what a tough guy he thinks he is -- to move these chumps along is the most damning indictment of the boss himself.

So that's the "tough guy" these dipshits think they admire -- a blustery pussy any honest broker could see coming up the road a mile away. Useta be these good country foke would sit around the bar over a couple beers and size people like Snowflake up pretty well. Fast-talking city-slicker assholes didn't usually do so well in such parts. These people have lost their fucking minds, and that's that. Put that in your article, Mister New York Times. Because the rest of us would prefer to not waste time letting these losers lie to us; we're all better off if you just leave them to keep lying to themselves and each other.

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