Monotheism and Its Discontents

So let's see if we have this straight. Last week's upset victory by the new Senatorfold from Massachusetts marks the end of the brief era of wonderment that Hopenchange had brought unto our heretofore benighted land. A vitally needed health-care reform bill would now be brought to its bony, spavined knees because, according to the new-new math, 41 > 59, especially when you have no balls. Worse yet, the fearsome claque of jabbering teabaggers has now been empowered to reclaim what Obammy stole from them. And so forth.

I mean, hell, do these people ever listen to themselves? Not everything is a sea change, folks, nor do things necessarily possess the semiotic heft you ascribe to them in your political fever dreams. Maybe Martha Coakley was simply a phenomenally dreadful candidate, running on fumes and entitlement, a hack who couldn't even make sure the name of the state she was running for was spelled correctly on her own campaign ads, who thought a two-week vacation in the Caribbean during a close race was a good idea.

Regardless, now we are apparently on the verge of national catastrophe because this supposedly-better-than-nothing industry-written monkeyfuck might get filibustered to death, because the Democrats simply don't have the stones to actually force the minority party to make good on their threats. A party with some imagination and courage would make sure to heavily promote such proceedings; the spectacle of borderline retards like Jim Inhofe and Tom Coburn expounding at length of the post-apocalyptic moonscape of Obamacare would be worth its weight in comedy gold. Only a party shit-scared of its own shadow, preoccupied with its incessant cat-herding, would fail to see this.

Not to mention that even had Coakley somehow figured out a way to retain a seat that a slow ten-year-old could have held for the Democrats, her role in the "reform" bill would simply have been that of caretaker -- that is, ensuring along with the rest of the people's delegates that nothing untoward would affect the health and pharma industries' revenue-gathering capabilities.

The hand-wringing is really pretty embarrassing, and I'm sure Scott Brown will turn out to be every bit the mediocrity he appears to be, but that was never going to redound to Coakley's advantage. If there is any lesson to be drawn from this, it is that sometimes people lose because they deserve to, because they fail to make a case for why they are even in the room, and are inept and tone-deaf to boot. The fear that it is also a party failure is justified, and on an even simpler basis -- it's not that they failed to do what they said they were going to do, it's that they didn't even try.

Fuck the Patriots

In the neck. With a rusty fork. Nice win (their first over New England) by the Ravens; the only complaint is that they couldn't keep that 24-0 first quarter momentum going full throttle. Aside from the field position for their first touchdown, not even the refs could help the Patsies out of this one. If there's a team more sorely deserving of a 96-0 thrashing than the Tuck Rule Sillynannies, I'd be surprised. May they go 0-16 for the next decade.

On the other hand, the Packers. Epic shootout, tremendous game. The Cards actually have a decent chance against a fading Saints team, but assuming the Vikes beat the Cowpies, would probably not win in Minnesota. Fun stuff. The main thing is the Pats are out, maybe for some time.

Patriot Games

As bad as the Raiders have been this year (aside from last week's upset in Pittsburgh, which was easily the best game this team has played in at least five years), it is always gratifying to see another article on what a punk and a quitter Randy Moss is.

Randy Moss finished today with a single, 16-yard catch, which led to a fumble. Brady's interception was intended for Moss.

And if you asked the Panthers what their gameplan was, it's simple. They helped whoever was covering Moss early on in the game with a safety. Then, once he was frustrated, they no longer needed to. Because by then, it was Game Over for No. 81.

"We knew he was going to shut it down," Panthers corner Chris Gamble told me after the game. "That's what we wanted to do him. That's what we did. ... He'd just give up a lot ... Slow down, he's not going deep, not trying to run a route. You can tell, his body language."

Gamble continued ... "I know everyone who plays against him, they can sense that. Once you get into him in the beginning of the game, he shuts it down a little bit."

Yes. Yes. That's the Moss I remember, the guy who picked Al Davis' pocket for $15 mil and dogged it like a practice-squad scrub for two fucking miserable years. The guy who didn't give two shits about the team or the fans, but never gave back a paycheck. You deserve him, massholes. Choke on it. It's why he'll never get that ring, nor does he deserve it.