A Day In The Life

As our Fearless Dear Leader studiously ignores Cindy Sheehan and the ever-growing group of her supporters outside El Rancho Del Brush Clearo, one of the Atriots has the right idea.

10:00 AM: Wake up. Pay no attention to mother of dead solider outside.

10:15 AM - 12:15 PM: Work out. Pay no attention to mother of dead soldier outside. Ignore the 2,000 white crosses lining the road to the ranch.

12:15 - 2:00 PM: Lunch with the twins. Pay no attention to mother of dead solider outside and calls from all over America for the twins to

enlist.

2:00 - 4:00 PM: Nap. Do not dream of mother of dead solider outside.

4:00 - 6:00 PM: Cocktails. Ooops! I don't do that any more. O'Douls only. Watch videos of me cheerleading at Yale. Pay no attention to the mother of the dead solider outside.

6:00 - 8:00 PM: Dinner. I mean HOE-DOWN. Make sure Secret Service brings in "real" food for me, Laura and the twins to eat. We don't eat that low-rent crap the morons around here eat. Pay not attention to the mother of the dead solider outside.

8:00 PM - 10:00AM: Sleep. Do not think of the mother of the dead solider outside right before falling off, otherwise she will haunt your dreams.

Of course I would have spiced it up a touch with gratuitous swipes at Bush watching pro wrestling and such, but you get the idea. And frankly, I seriously doubt that Bush loses a wink over Cindy Sheehan and people like her. After all, God speaks through Bush, not Mrs. Sheehan.

Also I would have put praying in there. As we all hear ad nauseam, Bush prays a lot. Clearly, it's paid off, for him anyway. For the rest of us, not so much.

But it might be a good time for Bush to start praying more anyway. Pray that the rapidly-dwindling number of supporters doesn't come to their senses anytime soon, and wonder just what the fuck they've gotten themselves and their country into by supporting this stupid little man and his stupid little ideas. Pray that they didn't see the footage yesterday of Bush and his fleet of Suburbans buzzing past the protesters -- safely ensconced out of tomato-chucking range, of course -- so he could attend a fundraiser at the ranch next door to his own.

Pray that it doesn't occur to the remaining retards that -- no matter what their rationalizations and justifications, no matter what they think they heard about what Cindy Sheehan supposedly said during her first meeting with Dear Leader -- nothing excuses the fact that he can't spend an hour talking to this woman, but he can spend all manner of time being seen raking weeds and doing assorted Hungry Man chores, he can spend time raising millions for his corrupt and ineffective agenda, he can travel hither and yon to sign off on highway pork and bullshit energy bills that spit in the face of the reality that we will have to deal with in the near future.

There is simply no excuse for it except naked political considerations -- something Bush has professed for far too long that he's above. Eventually it has to occur to even the most brain-dead of them that he's full of shit. Perhaps it already has, but admitting that they were wrong the whole time would be too much for their tribal view of the world to stand. Their heads would explode at the very prospect. All they can do now is sputter and babble about how it's all Clitnon's fault. Either one, doesn't matter; it just can't be Dear Leader's fault.

And while the likes of Bill O'Reilly and Michelle Maglalang continue to undermine their own credibility by defaming and vilifying a woman who lost her son in a bullshit war, the rest of the world sees themselves in Cindy Sheehan. Losing a child is every parent's worst nightmare, and the more time passes and the more information comes out, the clearer it becomes to Cindy Sheehan and everyone else who has lost a loved one in Iraq that not only didn't it need to happen this way, but that this administration has neither the brains nor the balls to see any of this through. They'll pull out just in time to make themselves look good for the midterms next year, no matter what the reality of it is. Looks like civil war, ending in an Iranian-controlled megastate, with what has been referred to as "the greatest prize of all" at stake.

With over 25% of the world's remaining oil, and a much lower depletion rate than that of Saudi Arabia (thanks to 15 years of sanctions and war following the historical efforts to keep iraqi production low), I guess its not such a far-fetched statement.

If we assign an average value of US$100 a barrel to this oil, you could say that this treasure is worth around $30 trillion dollars - which makes the hundreds of billions of dollars being spent by the US occupying the country a little more understandable.

We're all agog that oil prices ended at just under $67 yesterday, heading into Weekend Two of Dear Leader's Glorious Workin' Vacation, during which He reflects and rejuvenates and returns to the snakepit of Washington with the vision and wisdom to Make All Things Possible. Truly the blessings that flow from His humble brush-clearer's hand bring a tear to my one good eye [cheap rip-off of lame Billy Crystal imitating Sammy Davis Jr.; both my eyes are just fine, thanks]. How y'all likin' that $100 tank of gas now, Hummer suckers? It's only gonna get higher, and the only question is how the all the pelf gets divvied up between the Iranians who want to screw us and the oil companies who want to fuck us.

No, thanks to Cindy Sheehan's brave stand (and if you don't think it's brave, you try standing outside all day in Texas in August), people across the nation -- pro and con -- will be forced to reconsider their stance on the war and its practitioners. The assholes who smugly sit behind their keyboards of mass distraction and sneer at this woman have to keep in mind that everyone has seen her, we can all attach a face to the name, we all know what her son looked like -- so it all hits home that much more. It could have been us, it could have been our neighbor or our cousin.

That kind of universality drags all this academic horseshit, kicking and screaming, out of the wild blue abstract and right into our living rooms. The tough-guy radio talk-show host, who sat out his turn to serve with a boil on his ass, trashes away gleefully without pausing to think that it is Cindy Sheehan's very ordinariness which is her most compelling trait. Who's word you gonna take, America -- the fat fuck with an oxy problem (not to mention problems with women), or a grieving mother from a small town? A multi-millionaire with an CNN anchor girlfriend, or someone who could literally be your neighbor?

So to Rush, to Michelle, to The Falafel Factor and his magic loofah and his tanking ratings -- I say keep up the good work. Many of us already knew what kind of scumbags you were, but now you're proving the point to your own fans. Thanks for saving us the trouble.