Sunday, June 25, 2006

Agents Of Fortune

Let's see if we can chronicle some of the hijinks of the last few weeks into a bite-size bullet-point format:
  • Überterrorist mastermind Zarqawi finally meets his just reward, but it takes several days to actually get the story straight as to Zarqawi's last minutes and his actual importance to what should really be referred to as open-source warfare, rather than a formalized top-down command-and-control hierarchy.

  • Preznit triumphantly sneaks in Baghdad's backdoor, strutting around like he owns the place.

  • Mainstream media dutifully stenographs Bush's thousandth regurgitation of nonsensical boilerplate, conveniently forgetting that Iraq is so safe and liberated, Bush couldn't even give a heads-up to the current prime minister.

  • Preznit, convinced that he has his groove and/or swagger back, decides to pimp more pressing issues, such as amending the Constitution to protect unsuspecting 'murcans from gay marriage and flag burning.

  • Nation scopes out James Inhofe's extremely gay family, feels gaydar pinging like Paris Hilton's platinum card.

  • Media once again dutifully reports kabuki theater, maintains hallowed objectivity in the drooling face of abject stupidity. Cocktail weenies for all!

  • Democrats meekly propose reasonable timelines and guidelines for troop withdrawal from festering, blood-spattered cesspool wrought by Chimpco.

  • Republicans spend the better part of two weeks smearing Democrats -- and, by association, the 60+% of Americans who consistently feel that Chimpco has royally fucked the dog on everything -- as a bunch of cut-and-run pussies. Traitors, really.

  • The circle jerk at the NRO stroke each other, pimp one another's unreadable tripe, and all agree quite soberly that it's a good thing Karl Rove manned the trenches in Utah while John Murtha was in the shit fighting Charlie. Because otherwise we'd all be speaking German or Japanese. Or something.

  • Republicans now declare timeline for troop withdrawal. One cephalopod's cut-and-run is apparently another cephalopod's peace with honor.

  • Plan seems contingent on granting amnesty to insurgents, provided they have killed American troops rather than Iraqi civilians. Staunchest flag-waving cocksuckers in the U.S. Senate are just fucking jake with all that. None of their kids are over there.

  • So-called professional journamalists conveniently forget the gratuitous smears from just last week, and soft-pedal the actual meaning of Nouri al-Maliki's "concessions" to insurgents.

I seriously have trouble figuring which is more contemptible -- the gutless, un-American hypocrisy of these pretend tough guy Republicans, or the spineless bitches of the supposedly free press who fail utterly in their jobs. They are so worried about maintaining this veneer of "objectivity", even in situations where there is clearly none, that they help the bastards get away with it.

Special bonus: Yesterday afternoon at about 5PM, I decided to peruse my fine satellite TV offerings for a brief roundup of the day's events, known by some as "news". What was the so-called Cable News Network showing? A one-hour profile of the philanthropy of Angelina Jolie. I shit you not. I mean, we get it already, people -- she's the MILF Teresa. Give it a fucking rest already. The only people who give this much of a shit about her comings and goings are mentally unbalanced. Maybe that can be a new slogan for CNN -- "News for Crazy Stalker Motherfuckers".

Nicely done, professional journamalistas. Do us all a favor and become plumbers or something, if have any shred of professional pride left. Sniffing Angelina Jolie's pooter is not respectable news-gathering, no matter how you try to tart it up. At least E! is honest about its incessant starfucking.

1 comment:

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