Wednesday, November 18, 2009


So as we mosey through the Week O' Sarah, wondering exactly what this dingbat wouldn't do for a Klondike Bar or five minutes of undeserved attention, several things naturally spring to mind. Ed's spectacular takedown of her ghostwritten doorstop (and mad props to Ed for taking one for the team, doncha know) is a solid confirmation of what we pretty much knew it was going to be -- a smug, defensive, incoherent, blithering mess that adds nothing to any debate, much like its supposed author.

Palin deserves some credit for coloring the thing in on such a tight schedule (ba-dum-bum), and given the well-earned abuse she's absorbed over the last year, I don't begrudge her a payday, so long as she steps the fuck off and goes away already. But I don't think any of us see that happening; Palin can yap about the benefits of remote Arctic Circle livin' and moose chili and Ice Truckers marathons and such like, but the fact is she loves this shit.

She's a narcissist, through and through, and she clearly loves the attention, the adulation, the incoming royalties. Hell, even Oprah kisses her ass. Who wants to go back to the Methlab of the Mat-Su Valley, a frozen 7,000-troglodyte squat with an abandoned eight-figure hockey rink, after all that? Best believe she's going to stick around and cash in. They'll be pitching tent in Greenwich, and ol' Todd'll have his snowmobile parked up next to the cee-mint pond by the end of next year.

Tina Brown pretends to sorta get it, but so what? Yes, Sarah's a one-trick pony, her only card that of the perpetually-aggrieved hausfrau, brandishing rather than hiding her utter lack of sophistication and clarity in an act of smug defiance. Her entire schtick since day one has been to piss and moan about the media bashing her, the barely latent sexism (even though few men -- the one-ball Glenn Beck notwithstanding -- could have gotten away with her level of sheer nonsense) and intellectualism (especially the apparently traumatic experience she endured at the nimble paws and gnashing teeth of noted journamalistic pit bull Katie Couric) they subjected her to.

So of course the corporate media's default response is to indulge her, to have her on every possible chat show to preen and babble about the unfairness of it all, as oblivious of the irony as any tea-party 'tard hollerin' at the gubmint to git the fuck out his Medicare. They haven't got the balls to turn her down, much less ask her tough questions, such as "Why are you still here?"

Seriously, a cartoon character, or one of the kids from the new Twilight opus, possesses as much political insight and policy expertise as this fool. Palin is no longer a former vice-presidential candidate, she's just another interchangeable celebritard, whose guff her idiot fan club hasn't yet tired of. Her only tangible ability seems to be infuriating people with triple-digit IQs, which not only explains the appeal with her retard base, but how she got on Oprah and Baba Wawa. Hell, why not make her a host on The View while you're at it, she'd fit right in.

The media are happy to be complicit in what is the beginning of an 18-month cocktease, where Miss Thang will coyly deflect questions about whether she will run, without once having to worry about answering questions pertaining to why she should run, or what she has to offer in terms of actual policy and ability. Indeed, it is already all but forgotten that scarcely a year ago, this woman was in the running for the most important job on the planet, with absolutely zero qualifications or seriousness of purpose. At this point, Palin is like the guest that won't leave a party; it's 3AM, everyone else has split, and she won't get the hint that no one's up for another round of fuckin' Pictionary. Finish your drink and get a cab home already, sweetheart.

But in this the supposedly liberal media are identical to their supposedly liberal brethren in Congress. They simply cannot help falling all over themselves to genuflect to people who viscerally despise them -- in great part because of that very tendency. So it is that Queen Oprah can spend no small amount of her own money, time, and platform campaigning against Palin last year, and have her on now to plug an utterly meaningless, unnecessary book.

It doesn't matter that Palin still has yet to say one thing that is either true or correct or informative or useful; the thing is that she moves product and draws ad dollars. (Of course, the book should break that true-or-correct streak simply by reciting her personal history with some level of accuracy; even so, one expects the usual glossing-over of the curricula vitae, but perhaps she'll at least explain why it took her four colleges and five years to earn a BA in communications.)

Her Rhodes Scholar economic pronunciamentos are just moron icing on the stupid cake. This is a person who perfectly ventriloquizes their audience -- obnoxious, dirt-ignorant, and fiercely proud of it. Most people would be embarrassed, or at least appropriately circumspect, by not knowing what the fuck they're talking about; for Palin, this natural urge is invariably trumped by the need to speak her mind, such as it is.

In the end, a Palin/Beck team does seem more likely than not, but not as an actual political ticket (although, y'know, talk about heightening the proverbial contradictions). There's much more money and influence to be had on the talk-show rubber-chicken circuit. It's not like they can't count on plenty of free, fawning publicity from the hated MSM. If the media didn't keep enabling these diseased, neurotic chumps, they'd have to seek gainful employment.


Anonymous said...

Heywood, I think you said it best: Bachmann-Palin Overdrive 2012 World Tour.

Seriously, what's with the Repubs and the bimbo fetish? Ann Coulter, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin? Have they got some weird masturbatory fantasies or what? Disgusting.

Marius said...

If you masturbate while you fantasize about Coulter, something has gone wrong. You either need professional help, or don't know how to use the internet.

Heywood J. said...

No, I think there's something to the sexualization of the current conservatard icons. It's a stark contrast between women who seem to want to be dominated and ridden hard (Bachmann) and women who are ready to saddle up and do their own riding (Coulter).

Palin strikes an odd compromise between those two extremes, in that she postures well as both independent and reassuring, politically both madonna and whore (while being truly neither). This satisfies the emotionally retarded dichotomy that comprises the male conservatard base.

A professional behaviorist could have a field day with this sort of stuff if they were so inclined (hint hint).