America Drinks and Goes Home

Did we learn anything tonight? Of course not. There is nothing to learn, nothing to prognosticate. It did not, in fact, really matter who "won". The donor classes won, as they always do. They're not in this for their health, you know.

Some will say that because Rand Paul -- an ophthalmologist who created his own licensing board in order to certify himself -- beat Jack Conway, that the teabaggers are ascendant. Others will say that because Casper W. MilquetoastHarry Reid squeaked past the teabaggers' shithouse rat in Nevada, that said 'baggers are not what they (and the media who legitimized them with endless profiles) think they are.

The baggers seem to seriously not understand that politics is a business, first and foremost, that there is a reason that the same conglomerates and people of wealth hedge their bets by renting both parties. It is a money game, and all their Paul Revere bullshit will only take them so far once they're actually in. I'm sure Rand Paul and his toupée think this will be some Mr. Smith Goes to Washington schitck for the rubes back home, but what it will be is stasis, a two-year Mexican standoff between obstinate upstarts and puling lifers who literally couldn't pull shit together with a supermajority.

Comic relief abounds, as always, but pound for pound the biggest humor may be found in the CA goobernatorial race, where eMeg Whitman spent a sixth of a billion dollars of her own money to end up six points behind Jerry Brown, who didn't even start advertising until Labor Day. She would have gotten better results -- and saved a buttload of money -- just by going around and handing three million voters twenty bucks each.

Hilarious as it is to watch Mrs. Griff Harsh IV blow an impossible amount of money for a dismal job no one in their right mind would want, there is an actual takeaway. Every election cycle gets worse and worse in this regard, but the Citizens United decision really sealed the deal on effectively making the permanent campaign a full-time by god industry. This is why toxic yahooism and borderline-retard candidates get covered, validated, legitimized, turned into the latest and greatest.

And in the end, neither Rand Paul nor Barbara Boxer, nor a single one them, really, will do a single thing to address the two greatest issues driving this country into the dirt -- wage stagnation and wealth disparity. Even a nudge of those two factors in the right direction would address a host of connected issues, from jobs to education.

But as the man famously said, it is impossible to get someone to understand something when his paycheck depends on him not understanding it.