Friday, June 08, 2007


I haven't got enough time or effort in me to bother to truly "care" one way or the other about the daily incarceration status of Paris Hilton. I think it would be mildly interesting if she came out converted to Islam, or even just having a stray thought regarding something or someone outside her own creepy little circle of endless, stupid self-indulgence. But that's never going to happen, so who gives a shit?

Well, apparently this guy does, with hilarious results:

Many of Hilton's several dozen supporters outside the courthouse appeared devastated.

"No! No! No!" Jake Byrd of Chino screamed as a court spokesman delivered the news to reporters outside court.

And then he went home and made tender, yet passionate love to the life-size cardboard cutout of her he keeps under his bed. Seriously, son, get back on your meds, get something resembling a job, get a flesh-and-blood girlfriend, something for fuck's sake, you pathetic loser. Paris can afford to be useless; the other 99.99% of folks do not have that luxury, and life has a way of taking people like ol' Jake there, unscrewing their heads, and shitting down their necks.


john lenin said...

Since I've got nothin' to add, I'll just point you towards some celebrity news you can use: an interview with Lemmy.

Heywood J. said...

Cool, thanks. That's a great palate cleanser after all the Paris crap clogging the media channels. One of the rare pop-culture icons worthy of his status.