You know, I was going to sarcastically/rhetorically ask if Aaron Hernandez is, like, borderline retarded or what, having pulled off the easiest-to-solve crime since a herd of goats all suddenly had Louie Gohmert's DNA on them.
But then I recalled, "Oh yeah, Hernandez was a Gator, and a teammate of Tebow's at that!" Which automatically makes him the sort of guy who needs mnemonic devices to get his underwear on in the right direction. Brown in back, yellow in front, and all that.
Seriously though, you read the breakdown of this crime, and the trail of breadcrumbs and derp left for the cops to follow, and you come away wondering if Hernandez, or anyone in his Connecticut onionhead posse, ever even heard of Law & Order, or CSI, or fucking Mannix for chrissake. It's as if these people have never seen a movie or teevee show or read a goddamned crime novel, like ever. No, let's all text each other, and go pick up this poor cuss at 2:30 AM with his sister watching, and take him back to where there's a bunch of fucking surveillance cameras. Because no one tracks phone calls or films shit anymore, amirite?
And this was in Bahhhston, did a terrorist incident happen there just weeks ago that was tracked and solved within hours, or did we all fucking dream it?
Jesus, and people give Tebow a hard time about shit. Tell you this right now, folks -- there's no fucking way Tebow isn't at least 50 IQ points ahead of a drooling moron like Hernandez. Cops live for stupid criminals, because they make the job that much easier. Hernandez just made their year.
And from the football side of things, I've been watching the game pretty regularly for going on 40 years now, and I don't know if I've ever seen such a radical reversal of fortune hit a team so suddenly. This time last year, the Patsies had a dream tandem of tight ends in Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski, had dumped a ton of money on both to compensate them for their all-world stats, and looked set at the position for years to come.
Now Gronkowski is coming off of his fifth surgery in the last eight months, has a steel plate holding his forearm together (that had to have an infection cleared out of it), and now his back's jacked up. And Hernandez' terminal case of the stoopids looks to have him incarcerated for the next 20 to life.
Which leaves the Patsies with a bunch of scrubs and Tebow as their best options at TE. If someone wrote any of this in a movie script, it would be rejected as bullshit.
But then I recalled, "Oh yeah, Hernandez was a Gator, and a teammate of Tebow's at that!" Which automatically makes him the sort of guy who needs mnemonic devices to get his underwear on in the right direction. Brown in back, yellow in front, and all that.
Seriously though, you read the breakdown of this crime, and the trail of breadcrumbs and derp left for the cops to follow, and you come away wondering if Hernandez, or anyone in his Connecticut onionhead posse, ever even heard of Law & Order, or CSI, or fucking Mannix for chrissake. It's as if these people have never seen a movie or teevee show or read a goddamned crime novel, like ever. No, let's all text each other, and go pick up this poor cuss at 2:30 AM with his sister watching, and take him back to where there's a bunch of fucking surveillance cameras. Because no one tracks phone calls or films shit anymore, amirite?
And this was in Bahhhston, did a terrorist incident happen there just weeks ago that was tracked and solved within hours, or did we all fucking dream it?
Jesus, and people give Tebow a hard time about shit. Tell you this right now, folks -- there's no fucking way Tebow isn't at least 50 IQ points ahead of a drooling moron like Hernandez. Cops live for stupid criminals, because they make the job that much easier. Hernandez just made their year.
And from the football side of things, I've been watching the game pretty regularly for going on 40 years now, and I don't know if I've ever seen such a radical reversal of fortune hit a team so suddenly. This time last year, the Patsies had a dream tandem of tight ends in Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski, had dumped a ton of money on both to compensate them for their all-world stats, and looked set at the position for years to come.
Now Gronkowski is coming off of his fifth surgery in the last eight months, has a steel plate holding his forearm together (that had to have an infection cleared out of it), and now his back's jacked up. And Hernandez' terminal case of the stoopids looks to have him incarcerated for the next 20 to life.
Which leaves the Patsies with a bunch of scrubs and Tebow as their best options at TE. If someone wrote any of this in a movie script, it would be rejected as bullshit.
No comments:
Post a Comment