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Friday, June 16, 2017

Newtered

I know we all enjoy the endless flying snark here in our little comedy treehouse, but friends 'n' neighbors, let me tell you something with utmost sincerity:  it would be very difficult to find a more reprehensible person in American public life than N. Leroy McPherson (as some wags rightly tag him). I cannot for the life of me understand why this jowly bag of shit is allowed to stick around so long after his shelf life. Any media entity that has him on for anything needs to recheck its credentials as a serious journamalistic organization.

Gingrich is one of those people who manages to look relatively intelligent simply because his party has been taken over by ass-scratching booger-eaters like Joe Barton, who almost certainly is incapable of putting his fingers together in the dark. [Free recycled Polack joke:  Barton is so dumb, he has been seen planting Cheerios in his backyard, because he thought they were donut seeds.]

Anyway, N. Leroy has been granted some sort of statesman emeritus pass by the mediots, because he is able to compose a relatively coherent sentence extemporaneously and without too much prompting. But he's still a fucking mow-ron with the intellectual honesty of a salted slug, and the moral code of a rabid hyena. It's only a matter of time before we find out that he and Roger Stone have been wife-swapping on Caribbean sex cruises or some such.

But moral objections aside, Leroy's simply a dressed-up dumbass, a yokel who isn't one-tenth as smart as he thinks he is. It's hard to say what his motivation is in shilling for this clusterfuck of an administration; as Balloon Juice commenter Amir Khalid points out, it takes a special kind of buffoon to sign up for a cruise on a sinking ship.

(Yes, there's a solid chance that all these Russia investigations might end up for naught, but at the very least, they will continue to siphon political capital away from an already emasculated group of dipshits and sycophants, who are simply too inept to accomplish the damage they want to, and too arrogant to see how stupid they really are. Not the kind of team a truly experienced hand would want to ply his trade with.)

The only post Gingrich seems to be after is securing the ambassadorship to the Vatican for his (third) wife, who was sucking his dick (but not fucking because that would have been cheating)while he was still married to his second wife and leading the charge against Bill Clinton for getting his pole smoked extramaritally. I may be wrong, but rumor has it that the pope takes that kind of shit fairly seriously.

You almost -- almost -- have to admire the sheer chutzpah it takes to be Newt Gingrich, to get out of bed knowing that you're a hypocritical turd of a human being nearing the end of life, with nothing to show for your grandiose visions but a charred, wretched legacy of lies and hypocrisy. People will not remember you well, asshole.

There's nothing wrong with latching on to the "Great Man" theory of the world, and fashioning oneself into at least a palimpsest of such a rare being. Everyone needs some sort of goal. But there's nothing worse than someone wanting all the trappings and accolades of the Great Man, while doing none of the work. Gingrich is nothing more nor less than a homunculus of the ugly, empty ambitions he has carried around with him his entire miserable life.

Again, a truly liberal media that took its responsibilities seriously would never allow him near their studios in the first place. His worst sin is he has nothing useful to add to the conversation. He's just a shill for the worst elements of American politics and society, the sort of people who, in a rational world, would be exiled to an island and forced to build their own shelters and live on whatever they could catch.

[Update 6/17/17 3:34 PM PDT: Further evidence that Gingrich is exactly as described above, maybe worse:
Gingrich, for instance, during the 2016 campaign joined Trump in bashing NAFTA—a free-trade deal he, of course, played a key role in getting passed. The most recent addition to the list of Gingrich reversals is his absurd stance that now that Donald Trump is president, the president of the United States is not even capable of obstructing justice. "Technically, the President of the United States cannot obstruct justice," Gingrich told the crowd at the National Press Club Friday during an event promoting his new book, wait for it, Understanding Trump. "The President of the United States is the chief executive officer of the United States. If he wants to fire the FBI director, all he's got to do is fire him."

New Gingrich’s views on obstruction of justice are a wee bit divergent from when his role as the Speaker of the House was LEADING the charge against President Bill Clinton and VOTING to impeach Clinton for articles of impeachment that included, among other things, an obstruction of justice charge. "What you have lived through for 2.5 long years is the most systematic, deliberate obstruction-of-justice, cover-up, and effort to avoid the truth we have ever seen in American history," Gingrich said in 1998. "The American people have the right to expect that the rule of law will prevail, that no one is above the law," Gingrich said on the House floor the same year. Times sure have changed.
Indeed they have, in the shopworn plus ├ža change sense. Gingrich is the perfect spokes-tool (or is it spokes-stool? Either one fits.) for this sewer that tries to pass for an administration -- hypocritical to the bone, completely and utterly without scruples, principles, or even consistent beliefs, other than the base will to power.

In the near future, when Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Thuhd finally perjures himself out of a job, Gingrich will make a fine attorney general for these goat-fuckers. Because once you yank back the threadbare shower curtain of intemellectual posturing, Gingrich is exactly the same sort of creature as his oompa-loompa overlord -- someone who sincerely thinks that words, facts, and even laws should automatically conform to behavioral impulses and whimsical desires.

Again, in a universe where "the media" actually had a liberal bent, an obvious corrupt liar like Gingrich would be welcome only on the inbred wankfests of Fixed Noise. Any other journamilistic entity that gives this lying toad the time of day should be ashamed of themselves, because they, we, and Gingrich all know that they're just giving stage time to agitprop. Gingrich, like Clownstick, is simply ongoing proof that karma has a lot of catching up to do.

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