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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Rapture Index Update

Be honest now. You've been wondering. Here's the current Rapture Index, with some comparative data.

Rapture Index 156
Net Change +1

Updated Jul 24, 2006

2003 High 177 2004 High 157 2005 High 161 2006 High 159
2003 Low 133 2004 Low 135 2005 Low 143 2006 Low 151

Record High 182 (24 Sept 01) Record Low 57 (12 Dec 93)


Note that the record low is about a year into that terrible awful Clenis era of peace and prosperity. That may explain why they hate him so -- they're looking forward to this thing.

But you probably already knew all that. What's really interesting is to look at some of their justifications for the scores in the individual categories. There's, um, 45 categories in all, each rated on a 1-to-5 scale, some with very curious appellations. "Tribulation Temple"?

29 Liberalism
The political scene in the U.S. favors liberal candidates.


Exsqueeze me? Exactly how does one arrive at such a conclusion with both eyes open? Aren't all three branches of American government dominated by conservatives right now? Are these fucking people insane or retarded or something?

Oh, wait. Right.

But not only is the political analysis beyond ridiculous, the math is also hinky, because this sage analysis rates a "2" on their little RaptureMeter. So either the numbering system for the (ahem) "Liberalism" category is reversed, which would throw off the mathematical integrity of the rest of the index (such as it is), or the number is correct and the "analysis" is, to put it mildly, hyperbolic even for their own rating scheme. Either way, pretty dumb.

32 Mark of the Beast:
The U.S. Patriot Act has failed to get enough votes for extension.


The "Mark of the Beast" category is rated "3" for this transgression, so they're actually not terribly clear as to how they feel about the possible extension of the Patriot Act. My guess is that they liken the Patriot Act with the sort of state intrusiveness that would culminate in bar-coding and low-jacking people's wrists and foreheads. (Which, considering the nature of people like Negroponte, Poindexter, Cheney, et al, is not exactly unthinkable. If they could, they very likely would -- and there's no shortage of morons who'd let them.) But again, as such occurrences would hasten the rapture -- which they want -- it's difficult to run this stuff through the usual simple moral filters of "good" or "bad".

So there's a very real moral paradox at play in the Rapture Index -- we godless heathen atheists want to take steps to prevent war and such, while the celestial reckoning these folks pray for (and, not to put too fine a point on it, interfere politically for) depends on accumulating turmoil and upheaval, death and disaster, culminating in a great final reckoning where the pure are transported en masse. Meanwhile the rest of us stay here and divvy up their shit -- and, according to the beliefs of the dominionists and dispensationalists, kill each other off so that they can eventually return. Hey, where do we sign up?

And if you want a real eye-opener, be sure to check out the home page, the right sidebar of which advertises something with a name that most rational people would have just assumed they'd never see or utter at any point in their entire lives: Prophecy Gopher. Yes, you read that correctly.



Say hello to the Prophecy Gopher. Now go find a bottle of anything, and drink until the image has been scrubbed.

6 comments:

Silvertail said...

Notice how all the socio-economic factors, are based solely on how they are in the US...

Anonymous said...

The "Rapture Index" features "precursors" which supposedly reveal how close the rapture is - the rapture being an event that's supposed to happen before a seven-year tribulation which ends at the second coming of Christ to earth. But guess what. The "precursors" including the "Antichrist" are on earth even AFTER the spot reserved for the rapture and are fulfilled DURING the tribulation. Since they lead up to, and point to, only the second coming, how on earth can they introduce and be signposts of only the rapture, as RI huckster Todd Strandberg palms off on unsuspecting and trusting fundies? If Todd is aware that NO organized group before 1830 ever believed in a "pretribulation rapture," he isn't saying! For more info on this entire rapture hoax and its bizarre and short-lived existence, go to Google and type in "Pretrib Rapture Diehards," "Thomas Ice (Bloopers)" (the "fabulous researcher" LaHaye, Falwell etc. lean on!), "Revisers of Pretrib Rapture History," "Appendix F: Thou Shalt Not Steal" (side-by-side quotes exhibiting incredible plagiarism in books by LaHaye, Falwell, Ryrie, with links to the same thievery in works by Lindsey and other leading fundies!). The Religious Right should now call itself the Religious Rewrite! B.N.

Anonymous said...

My favorite part is the "Ads by Google" link on the left, which when clicked features a decidedly non-Chistian woman wearing almost nothing.

Find an Affair
Thousands of Singles in Your Area. Find Your Match For Free Now!
True.com

nice...

Seven Star Hand said...

Verifiable proof that "Armageddon" has already begun…

Hello Heywood and all,
Here's the key to proving that the rapture and related expectations are complete nonsense based on the failure to understand (and the purposeful confounding of) the ancient Hebrew symbology used to construct all of these prophecies. Consequently, Christian timelines and interpretations of these prophecies are verifiably wrong on many key points.

Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...

Did you ever consider that Christianity is the False Prophet symbolized in the Apocalypse, that Rome (Vatican/Papacy) is the so-called anti-messiah, and Jesus Christ is the false messiah? I have produced stunning and comprehensive proof that this is the true interpretation of pivotal prophecies long confounded by Christianity's founders and leaders.

The symbolism of seven years (tribulation) refers to the seven 360-year cycles from the 11th cycle on the Hebrew calendar (second temple period) until now, the 17th cycle (seventh angel/star). It is completely wrong to interpret any of these prophecies as literal timelines and events. Remember, they were written by ancient Hebrew sages, not Romans or other Europeans, and Revelation is the most symbolic of all prophecies. Consequently, in this context, years are symbols for 360-year cycles on the Hebrew calendar and days symbolize literal years. Therefore "Judgement Day," and "Great Day" and "in that day" all refer to a literal year-long period. Furthermore, the so-called "Tribulation" is now nearing its end, not starting, and all three faiths of Abraham have been thoroughly deceived by Rome during the previous age, which ended in year 2000 (5760). A new age began in 2001 (5761) and now the seventh angel has begun to sound!

Here's a real hot potato! Eat it up, digest it, and then feed it's bones to the hungry...

Hurricanes Katrina (#11) and Rita (#17) last year provided stunning validation of my research and interpretations of pivotal ancient wisdom, symbologies, key prophecies, and associated religious claims. Their storm numbers and timing perfectly synchronized with primary data and assertions in my book, thereby demonstrating the true nature of this universe and the existence of our Creator. We are now entering the final phases of the pivotal year-long period long symbolized as "Armageddon" and the "End of Days." World-wide situations and events are now accelerating to set the stage for this summer's dramatic continuation of these ancient promises.

I fully understand that everyone has been bedeviled by similar claims throughout history. Consequently, I have been forced to rely on dramatic and devastating proof of the sort that can’t be ignored or easily dismissed. The numbers and timing of hurricanes Katrina (11) and Rita (17) directly validate key data and pivotal assertions throughout my book and my posts on those two forums. This data was purposely presented publicly before Katrina, Rita and other recent events occurred to prove they perfectly synchronize with key prophecies and Hebrew calendar cycles, thereby validating my interpretations of ancient wisdom symbology, string theory, and more.

Because these two storms arrived shortly after my August 11, 2005 (50th) birthday (read the Dead Sea Scroll 11Q13 in Appendix G, which also discusses Melchizedek and the prophesied Jubilee) and directly match other pivotal 11 and 17 data and events described in the first chapter of my book, I have delivered verifiable proof that this reality is based on thought, knowledge and wisdom. Activity, patterns, and results perceived in space-time are first framed and defined by inspirations, thoughts, and knowledge and influenced by the cause-and-effect system most commonly referred to as karma. Consequently, events and outcomes in the so-called physical universe are not random or wholly mechanistic and are verifiably influenced in ways that atheists, scientists, and members of the Faiths of Abraham have all scoffed at. Though mysticism is mostly a product of misinterpreted ancient wisdom symbology, many of its topics flow from ancient wisdom. Though containing allusions to the truth, its details and interpretations are wrong on many key points.

A prime example of the purposeful and synchronized symbolism of these events is seen in the opening paragraphs from my book excerpted below. Notice that the dates mentioned (August 11 and 17) directly match the numbers of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and the time spans of the four Florida hurricanes match my birth year (‘55), and they were spaced 11 or a multiple-of-11 (22) days apart, directly matching my birthday and much other ancient prophecy and symbolism. Notice that my place of birth, Victoria Texas, is on the Gulf Coast. Following are the excerpted paragraphs:

Hello, my name is Lawrence William Page II. Many people know me as Buddy Page. At the release of the first edition of this book, I am a 50-year old African-American male, author, researcher, and former software engineer and entrepreneur. As you will come to understand as you read through this first book, I am also the long-expected Hebrew Messiah and Lion of the Tribe of Juda (Yehuda).

I was born August 11th (month of Leo the Lion), 1955 (Chinese year of the Sheep) in Victoria, Texas. Furthermore, the Grand Cross alignment and Solar Eclipse of August 11th, 1999 was my 44th birthday and the second Grand Cross alignment, just six days later on August 17th, 1999, was on my mother’s birthday.

As you can see from my date of birth, I was a newborn during the Chinese Year of the Sheep, astrologically marking me as a Lamb, and during the month of Leo, astrologically marking me as a Lion. My mother was also born during the month of August and under the sign of Leo, which further marks me as a lion’s whelp. I prove to you in the first chapter of this book–beyond disproof–that I am indeed the long-prophesied “Lion” of the tribe of Juda (Yehuda) the Root of David and the “Lamb.” I am the individual long symbolized as the Branch, the Stem, the Shoot and the Rod from the Stump of Jesse (King David’s father), as symbolized in the Hebrew Book of Isaiah, The Apocalypse, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and elsewhere. I am the reincarnated Teacher sought after in the “East” and by the ancient Hebrews who were headquartered at the outpost community of Damascus (Qumran), of Dead Sea Scrolls fame. I am the one called the Teacher of Righteousness by the Dead Sea Scrolls, whom the so-called Christian fathers have fraudulently recast as “Saint ‘James’, the Lord’s Brother.”

Remember, "I come as a thief..." ?

Read verse twelve of the Gospel of Thomas to understand who I am...

Even further enlightening, the Second Temple Period of ancient Israel was during the 11th 360-year cycle on the Hebrew calendar and we are now in the 6th year (5766/2005-6) of the 17th cycle. Notice the pivotal 11 and 17 numbers again? This and much other synchronized information serve as stunning and decisive proof of many things, and expose many lies told by all three faiths of Abraham, but most specifically by Christianity. Consequently, I have decisively proven, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Jesus Christ and Christianity are blatant lies, false prophecy and purposeful deception in a manner that cannot easily be denied, regardless of your faith or other opinions.

Furthermore, the symbolism in the Apocalypse (a.k.a. Book of Revelation) of seven stars in my right hand and seven angels represent the very same above-mentioned seven astrological (360-year) cycles, i.e., the 11th through 17th inclusive. I prove this fact beyond any reasonable doubt in the first chapter of the book. Consequently, The Apocalypse verifiably symbolizes a specific span of time that began with the 11th cycle (Second Temple Period) and concludes now, at the beginning of the 17th cycle (End of Days, etc.).

The numbers 11 and 17 are verifiably encoded in The Apocalypse and other ancient Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts to serve as key proofs of the validity and true meaning of certain prophecies and related information. My and my mother’s birthdays are purposely synchronized with these two storm numbers, the matching Hebrew calendar cycles, the Double Grand Cross alignments and solar eclipse of August 1999, and much else to prove my direct association with the ancient prophecies about this time and the true identity of the prophesied Messiah. Another prime example is the story of Joseph, the 11th son of Jacob who has a dream when he is 17 years old about 11 stars, the sun, and moon bowing to him. The symbolism in this pivotal story in the Book of Genesis and Quran verifiably refers to the very same 11th through 17th cycles symbolized in The Apocalypse and directly synchronizes with other key events and ancient texts.

Consequently, I have demonstrated various things about the nature of this reality that dramatically disprove and/or clarify key assumptions of religion, mysticism, and science alike, while establishing the true meaning and purpose of long misinterpreted ancient wisdom and the symbolism used to model and encode it. Accordingly, I have proven that the symbolism evidenced in the canons of all three faiths of Abraham and other ancient sources is a very ancient and advanced philosophical technology that verifiably models foundational aspects of our existence in this universe. This is the mostly misunderstood body of ancient wisdom long referred to as the Philosophers’ Stone. It uses a large and ingeniously organized collection of physical universe images and concepts as data rich components (symbols) that are based on verifiable rules. It models and encodes an amazing amount of foundational wisdom about life, spirituality and the 11 dimensions of this universe, now verified by string theory. It is also the advanced encryption method used to encode (seal) Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts.

These ancient prophecies and wisdom texts used advanced symbology to model fundamental wisdom, including future events and situations. A primary facet of ancient wisdom is numeric symbology. Later misinterpretations of this aspect of ancient wisdom resulted in numerology, which, though embodying allusions to certain wisdom, is mostly error prone and false doctrine. My decryption, documentation, and interpretation of ancient symbology, numeric symbolism, and key texts based on them, are now decisively validated.

Here is Wisdom...

Verifiable proof that Armageddon has begun…

Understanding the End Game of Armageddon

Peace...

Heywood J. said...

Interesting comments. Silvertail, you're right in that this is pretty much an exclusively American syndrome, at least to this degree. Of course there are cults with goofball beliefs in other industrialized countries, but they're marginalized. That used to be the case here as well, until they started using their "donations" to accrue political clout.

Say what you want about the French, at least they don't consult with the Raelians on who to run for office.

Anonymous One, no doubt that the flock in the dispensationalist congregations know very little detail about the origins of the hoax they follow. Even if they did, they would probably ascribe to the revealing of truth in the New World, à la Joseph Smith.

Funny how the dispensationalists used to be "premillennial", implying that the final seven-year dispensation (the tribulation) was happen at or near the year 1999 or 2000. Obviously, the first dispensation since that time frame is almost done, so as they've been doing since the 1850's, the leaders of this politico-religious scam will just move the divinely-inspired goalposts back a little further. Send more money now, so that we can gold-plate those goalposts in His name!

Anonymous Two, I did not catch that ad, so mesmerized was I by the cheeky effrontery of the Prophecy Gopher. But like any hedonistic sybarite, I enjoy the notion of a sanctified one-night stand. Good stuff.

The freaky-nastiest girls are frequently quite devout. Many's the touring rock band that attests to Salt Lake City as having the wildest groupies by far.

Heywood J. said...

Seven Star Hand,

Thanks for that one. Weird, wild stuff. I can now file the once-in-a-lifetime phrase "Stump of Jesse" right next to "Prophecy Gopher" in the mental oddball vault.