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Sunday, April 13, 2008

Metatardia

Full disclosure: even though Heidi Klum gives me a boner that's, as Richard Pryor used to say, harder than Chinese arithmetic, it would never occur to me to watch something called Project Runway, which I assume is exactly what it sounds like, which proves that my instincts are correct.

But though the article is at its blank corporate heart a decent thumbnail sketch of content infighting between vertically integrated media entities (on, let's keep in mind, the people's airwaves, which are currently clogged with all manner of eighth-rate pseudo-celebs sorting their sock drawers), its premise is lame from the gate.

Not even a catwalk catfight could prove as riveting as the behind-the-scenes sideshow that enveloped "Project Runway" last week.

With NBC Universal contesting in court the move of the unscripted series from its Bravo home to rival Lifetime, the TV industry has a war on its hands worthy of its own reality show.


Oh, snap! And why not? Celebrity Sock Drawer is just the beginning, assuming someone can track down Corey Feldman and Erik Estrada in the first place. You have to have the "making of" CSD; the "behind the scenes" profiles of the once-slightly-recognizable CSD participants, their various substance abuse issues since their long-ago Love Boat appearance, and the inevitable redemption sequence; and of course the "results" show, where roughly forty-three seconds of declaring a "winner" or "loser" is stretched to an hour of stagey glares and farting house music.

Celebrity Sock Drawer. Only on....eh, let's say Bravo, or one of the Home Trinket nutworks. I think we could all use a nice capodimonte figurine of Corey Feldman trying to remember which sock he had his stash stuffed into.

Failing that, there's always MILF Island.

2 comments:

Grace Nearing said...

You've pretty much described why the only cable-provider content I watch is Japanese sumo wrestling, rugby, and Aussie rules football -- plus Mad Men.

Heywood J. said...

Yeah, I don't even know how many channels I get on my DirecTV package. Probably around a hundred. But aside from Daily Show and Colbert, a couple of FX and HBO shows, sports, and Noggin for the kid, it's useless to me.

If it weren't for the first two shows and sports, I'd probably chuck it altogether and just Netflix everything. I will never understand why it would occur to someone to waste a piece of their life watching Howie Mandel open suitcases, or any of the "reality" stuff. Why not just shoot up heroin and be done with it?