Sunday, February 05, 2012

Hoodie and the Blowfish

Line forms to the left, ladies! Photo swiped from Kissing Suzy Kolber.

Aside from the fact that I can hold a grudge like Newt Gingrich clutching a snack cake, and ten years down the road I still hate the fucking Patsies like a case of the clap because of the Tuck Rule, this time around it was just good to know that Saint Brady's Super Bowl loss tonight made the Baby Bundchen cry. In two blessed weeks of unstoppable hype, in which every bit of tedious minutia gets raked over as if it means something, Gisele Bundchen's prayer is probably the most off-putting -- and should be even more off-putting to people who actually believe in god.

Hell, I doubt if even Brady would have the gall to pray for success. He goes in, he does his job, win or lose. He wakes up every morning knowing that he already got a rare deal out of life's lottery, what with an easy first-ballot Hall of Fame NFL career, more money than he can spend, and a billionaire supermodel girlfriend. It's okay to still play to win, and be a true competitor, but to beseech the Big Guy for divine intervention after all that would just be greedy.

At any rate, oddly this might be most frustrating for Peyton Manning, a supremely gifted quarterback who managed to win just one championship, will probably not get to another in what's left of his career, and watched his adequately but lesser talented brother just get out from under his shadow with a second Super Bowl win, first with a wild-card team, now with a lame 9-7 team -- and against Peyton's biggest nemesis both times.

And no, I didn't bother with the halftime show. The Black Guy Pees' effort last year pretty much ruined that for me, until they get an actual rock band again, instead of this canned, choreographed dance crap.

[Update (2/6, 6:45 PST): Looks like Bundchen, unsatisfied with her earlier efforts to be an insufferable dunce, decided to double-down and trash the Patsies' receivers going butterfingers on the final comeback attempt. Too funny. She's partly right, of course, but the fact is that Justin Tuck's sacks and heavy pursuit had Brady rattled, and he wasn't 100% by the end. Some of his throws were money, and should have been caught, but some of them were dead ducks.

But it's not like those guys haven't made countless clutch catches for Brady (who, as much as I abhor the guy and his team, still have to admit that he would never have thrown them under the bus like that) in the past. And she just made it that tiny bit harder on team chemistry in the off-season. Awesome.]

[Update #2 (9:00 PST): Okay, okay, I'll stop with the updates. But Kee-rist, ya gotta see this takedown of what has to the bitchiest, douchiest sportswriter evar. Has to be read to be believed. I mean, I never, and I mean fucking never envisioned myself even remotely defending Tom Brady, but goddamned if this particular assclown didn't make me reconsider. He's only taken his team to the goddamned championship game five times in the last decade, winning three and losing two by a handful of points, and this asshole complains about it like Brady fucked his mom and shaved his dog.

Bear in mind that, of 32 teams in the NFL, in 46 years four teams (Cleveland, Detroit, Houston, Jacksonville -- the last two being expansion teams from 2002 and 1995 respectively) have never even made it to the Super Bowl, and ten more have made it at least once but never won. So nearly half the teams (and their fans) have no idea what it's like to win a championship -- and several others, such as the Raiders and 49ers, have been and won multiple times, but not in many years.

Again, Brady has gone five times and won three. In the past decade. And this douchehat has the balls to not only complain, but to single out Brady for his "hideous performance" (27/46, 276 yds, 2 TD, 1 INT). Slash in KSK comments nails it as "weapons-grade douche". I mean, it's been funny to note how Gisele is starting to Yoko Brady's mojo, but this pathetic, personal sort of shit this columnist pulls out of his ass is just nuts.

I hope the guy at least has enough sense to realize that nobody in the Patsies organization will ever talk to his dumb ass again. I sure as fuck wouldn't.]

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