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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Proctoberfest

Oh, what a month it's been, a veritable orgy of watching the mighty get their long-deserved comeuppance. Will Cheney step down and give the Republicans a shot at appointing the first vice-president who is black, lesbian, corrupt, and incompetent (the last two are not necessarily mutually exclusive)? Does the corruption go all the way to the top? (Of course it does, no news flash there, but the breaching of the usual plausible deniability is big.)

And will Tom DeLay bend over for the soap? Only the gang who bought him for a couple cartons of smokes know for sure. And even if he won't, they'll be glad to change his mind. And don't forget Scooter; he's got a purty mouth. It's alright, son -- just think about the aspens turning, and Saint Judy's patented deep-throat technique.

So now that we're almost three weeks into October, let's officially declare it a celebration for the rest of the month. Proctoberfest! It's what happens when the stinky finger of a special investigator probes all these arrogant bungholes and makes them squirm. Notice how that formerly cocky co-worker or idiot brother-in-law no longer has that sanctimonious spring in his step? Oh, he'll reguritate Oxycontin Limbaugh's boilerplate when pressed, but he no longer has any urge to buttonhole you on the Fronch wimp Kerry.

Payback's a bitch, and I dunno about y'all, but this shit makes my dick about as hard as if Jennifer Love Hewitt just walked by topless and eating a popsicle. And we're not even at the climax yet.

Hope the Kool-Aid drinkers have their umbrellas ready.

9 comments:

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Interrobang said...

Heywood -- That's hysterical. You've got some definite RudePundit snark going on. I Particularly liked the part about Jennifer Love Hewitt, not that I know who that is, really (*polishes the underside of the rock under which she dwells a little more*), but point taken.

Anonymous said...

Undeniably, a concerted group of bloggers has been driving forward the effort to pay close attention to this unfolding Watergate II; but I still think that's not enough. the old bitches in the MSM need to show that they're truly recovered their spine (if that's true, as the say on the internets), and mercilessly follow up this whole debacle. I still have friends (American friends, I must say) who read the newspapers regularly, are much smarter than me, yet continue to believe that St Judy of W43rd St went to jail to protect her First Amendment rights. That's not a good sign. They believe the only culprit in this mess is that old bitch Bob Novak. True, Keith Olberman, bless him, has been valiantly trying to keep us posted about this whole Plamegate thing. But that's about it, as far as I can tell.

What's the deal with Novak, by the way? I haven't seen Jane Hamsher or the other ardent dissecting intellects following this story tell us anything substantial about what Novak's role in this investigation. After all, he is the one guy who clearly came out and blew Valerie Plame's NOC cover. Has he bent over, like the bitch that he is? Has he been flipped? Was he let go scot-free? If so, why?

--Marius

Heywood J. said...

Interrobang:

Thanks. I do try to catch The Rude One now and again. Ordinarily I would say that some of it rubbed off, but I've always been this rude and mean-spirited.

But in a good way.

Heywood J. said...

Marius:

You're absolutely correct about the MSM and Novak's role in all this, of course. And I think there's an enormous level of schadenfreude leavening Blogistan's judgement antennae. Short of lining Turd Blossom up against the wall, just about anything Fitzgerald does may fall short of Bush-hater fantasies. It's not enough to merely humiliate them; we want these bastards gone, driven from office, never to return.

However, I do objectively, seriously believe that Fitzgerald will bring down something of real import within the next few days. I also believe that Novakula has remained unscathed because he worked a deal way back when. These are common beliefs, obviously.

I also believe that certain nodes of the MSM (Russert, Matthews, Mitchell) are co-opted in all this, not only because they happen to work for a defense contractor that's profiting handsomely from all these lies we were spoon-fed, but because they've been corrupted by their high-flying, star-fucking celebrojournamalista lifestyles. They go to the swanky parties; they brush elbows with the power brokers; they trade bon mots with other swells over watered-down appletinis.

They don't want to lose their Beautiful People status, which they think they have worked so very hard for. Whores are funny that way.

I seriously think that, aside from blowing the doors off this corrupt administration, a huge civic function of this scandal would be if it helped remind these assholes that they're supposed to be objective journalists, and that they need to extricate their noses from the asses of these scumbags. If they wanted to get paid millions of dollars for sitting around and stroking each other, they should have become baseball players.

Stop Snoring Exercise said...

Is Jennifer Love Hewitt getting MARRIED ??

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