Suicide Solution

I'm thinking a bit more in depth about this comment I left over at TBogg's, in which I polemically encourage professional knuckle-draggers Dennis Miller and Rush Limbaugh to engage in a mutual suicide pact. Sure, it's mean-spirited, and it's certainly not that I'm indifferent to the impact of such things in real life (if anything, it's the opposite), but there is something perhaps a bit cathartic about suggesting to a thoroughly dishonorable person that redemption is possible through ritual seppuku, for example.

If there even is a line between the literal and the polemic any longer in internet discourse, it is at the very least completely blurred. Whether it mirrors or is mirrored by its counterpart in more "mainstream" political discourse is largely irrelevant; the fact of the matter is that it feeds on and perpetuates itself. It is viral throughout all media, a full-tilt echo chamber. So it would be incredibly silly for someone to take me as literally urging someone -- anyone -- to eat a .45 and repaint the nearest wall with their fevered brain.

It is not, however, silly to take people like Limbaugh and Miller at their word, not in spite of, but because of their ascribed legitimacy, which has been bestowed upon them by equally suspect entities. Miller may try to characterize himself as "merely" a "comedian" (which hasn't been remotely true in years, in terms of actually having anything funny to say), but that's bullshit. From his days at HBO, through to his blessedly short-lived CNBC monkey-driven train wreck, he has always tried to carry himself as a thinking man's comic. The results have more and more disproven both the "thinking" and the "comic" parts, as Miller realizes that, as a shameless water-carrier for the moral monsters who rule this country, in for a penny, in for a pound.

And when Limbaugh does his Bill Frist impersonation on his radio show, attempting to diagnose the veracity of Michael J. Fox's illness by watching a 30-second political ad, one is correct to take him literally as well. He insists Fox' spasms are "purely an act". This phrase is weighted with profound moral implications, mostly about Limbaugh himself. No one said shit when Fox campaigned for Arlen Specter just two years ago on the same medical issue, but now it's a problem. No one in the "responsible" media, with its frantic attention to "objectivity" and intellectual probity, mentions Limbaugh's wild hypocrisy when it comes to any issue involving drugs or morality. In a world not gone completely batshit insane, these things would not only be patently obvious, they would be the very first issues brought up any time Limbaugh opened his drug-addled piehole. Instead, Limbaugh is accorded speaking time on Katie Couric's increasingly ridiculous "news" program, which if it were paper, would come on a roll in two-ply.

And Miller is following in the same shambling footsteps, dissembling volubly over the notion that Nancy Pelosi is demonstrably stupid. Has Dennis Hastert somehow demonstrated that he is in any way more intelligent or moral than Pelosi? Has anyone in the upper level of this turd of an administration demonstrated such? Have these people been right about any fucking thing yet? No? Then what, pray tell, is so fucking funny about dingbat/shrieking harridan riffs? What legitimate discursive purpose does invoking Gladys Kravitz serve -- especially when you're nothing more than a rented butt-boy for the Gladys Kravitz Party?

Miller begs off such things by pointing out that he personally is pro-choice and pro-gay marriage. Whatever. Perhaps all the gay staffers toiling for the Republican thugs who exploit their sexuality every other year tell themselves the same thing.

That does not change the cold, hard fact that they are nothing more than perfidious chickens who have been co-opted into working for Colonel Sanders, not just engaging in routine intellectual dishonesty, but living in it. That is unconscionable; it is profoundly immoral. In earlier, more intellectually rigorous societies, such things would have meant the ruination of one's family name, at least in one's own social and professional circle. Really, in as apolitical a sense as I can muster, it's just shameful conduct -- it could no more be condoned to pick on Michael J. Fox if his attacker were Tim Robbins; attacking the 9/11 widows is unconscionable whether it's Ann Coulter or Al Franken.

So it is at least proper in a sense that Miller has been ghettoized to the Eighth Circle of Hell, aka Hannity & Colmes. If Miller wants to spend the rest of his professional days being Sean Hannity's chew toy, then perhaps we can chalk it up to karma, because there's no coming back from there, cha-cha. If Limbaugh starts experiencing a decline in listenership and ad revenue, and ends up spending his dotage holed up in Cape Girardeau seeking kinky butt-sex on the internets, I suppose it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

But it would be better -- more complete, more resolute, more final -- if such people, with their hideous notions and vile ideas, were once again marginalized. I remember when it used to be considered uncool to pick on disabled people. I remember the days when "serious" commentators were expected to provide at least a token sliver of empirical knowledge and genuine truth to their opinion-mongering. Instead we are awash in reckless, toxic nonsense, from people who are quite literally professional assholes -- they are paid for their innate talent to be jerkoffs.

On the one hand, I'm jealous, because I'm doing it for free. But more seriously, this is an industry which holds a very real heuristic sway over a certain swath of the American citizenry. This too is unacceptable. It is unacceptable that regressive theocrats hold a disproportionate sway over how we conduct our business and run our lives. It is unacceptable that lies have more power than truth, because enough people are simply too stupid, too lazy, or too psychologically damaged to face reality. They need to go right back out on the margins along with their media mouthpieces.

I don't know how old Dennis Miller's two sons are, but at least the older one must be in his teens by now. If Miller is so sure about the competency and the goals of these people and this war he so vociferously supports, that he'll encourage his son to join up for a tour of duty -- Iraq or Afghanistan, either one -- then maybe I'll at least give him respect for putting his money where his fucking motor mouth is. Otherwise, maybe he should consider the objective value of his hi-larious yocks.

This is not a joke, motherfucker; these are people's lives and dreams, their country, their future generations, both here and over there. Half a million people have died and another million been displaced in Iraq because Bush and Cheney and Rummy thought they were smarter than everyone else. And when you continue to do stupid things like pretend that "stay the course" didn't mean "stay the course", that you know what you're doing even though you haven't done a single thing right in six years, that homosexuals getting married has anything to do with anything, then you also have to own the consequences of your actions, your thoughts, and your hortatory rhetoric.

I know it's not as funny as cobbling together another wacky Gladys Kravitz riff, but this is real life, and the continued pretense of chickenshits like Miller, that they're "entertainers", does not wash any longer in serious times like this. People like Miller, Limbaugh, Coulter, Hannity, and the rest of the Horst Wessel gang need to be made to understand, once and for all, that their words actually mean something, and that they and their followers must be made to own the objective implications of the policies they so smugly endorse.

This is it, folks. This election will decide whether we have a viable opposition party in this country anymore, quite literally. If the Democrats cannot gain significant ground in this political perfect storm, if this thing gets derailed in the mindless, unspeakably moronic non-issue of gay marriage and the like, then it's over. It will be shown once and for all that the stupid people rule, that incompetence, corruption, and hypocrisy are valued and prioritized.

For the record, despite how it sounds, I retain some measure of cautious optimism. Contrary to my general misanthropy, I still find it difficult to believe that that many people are really that stupid or spiteful. So I do think gains will be made.

But even if so, it is important that the Democrats not be instantly magnanimous in victory. It's vital that they hold grudges and nurture them -- and just as important that they remember the Republicans that they can work with, and do so. But this is a time and an opportunity to re-marginalize the people and ideas that never should have been normalized in the first place.