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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Britney Shears

Oh, snaaap!!1!1! Good one, Scotsman. Is it just me, or does this thing read like some "pre-bituary" they have stashed in case of plane crash or exposed-vagina incident?

Fears were mounting yesterday for the health of shamed pop princess Britney Spears after she appeared in public with a completely-shaved head.

Just five months after losing her husband and, some say, her career following a stream of highly-publicised drinking binges, the once wholesome singer was videoed removing her long tresses with shears at a California salon.

She then went to a tattoo parlour in the Sherman Oaks district of Los Angeles, wearing a hoodie over her new look. A crowd gathered outside to witness her get a new ink picture on her wrist.

Spears' new appearance emerged a day after reports that the millionaire entertainer had checked herself in to, then swiftly out of, a rehabilitation clinic in Antigua in the space of 48 hours.

Music industry insiders said they were concerned about the 25-year-old singer's wellbeing.

Alex Papasimakopolou, director of Scottish music management and promotions company Everymatic, said: "I've seen the images and it just looks horrible. I cannot believe that someone is not advising her on what to do.

"She just seems to go from one bad situation to the next at the moment. She's literally disintegrating in front of people's eyes and that's just very depressing to watch.

"She could just as easily be some young girl growing up in the UK who finds herself spiralling out of control - the difference is she's doing it in the full glare of the world's media.

"This is obviously a cry for something because she initially built her career on being a young, pretty, squeaky clean pop artist. More than ever, it seems, she needs a guiding hand to show her what to do next."


Ah, "fears were mounting". Where exactly might these "fears" be "mounting"? Well, for one, at Everymatic. I mean, if a Greek guy in Edinburgh looking at internets photos can't discern what's really going on in this impending celebritastrophe™, I'll eat this full plate of haggis.

Okay, I won't, not even on a bet after a bottle of Bushmill's, but you get the idea. I actually like the Scotsman's news coverage for the most part, but this is symptomatic of the progressively symbiotic nature of entertainment coverage and actual news. It's beneath them. Hell, it's beneath me.

Not that that's stopped me before. Or, sadly, the professionals.


[Photo via Go Fug Yourself and Oh No They Didn't!.]

Seriously, honey. Think small. Get some community college under your belt, learn to read something besides your own press releases. Resolve your man issues; explore the reasons why you had Irish twins by an unemployable white rapper. That sort of thing.

Really, I can't help but wonder about people who have more than enough money to walk away from the machine, at least for a while, and refuse to do so. I know, jerkoffs like me are feeding that machine, but damn, I almost feel bad about it sometimes.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Really, I can't help but wonder about people who have more than enough money to walk away from the machine, at least for a while, and refuse to do so.

I actually read something about this while killing time this morning. I doubt that makes up for being blissfully ignorant of nearly everything about her for the last several years, but anyway...

Other than taking her newly-shaven head to a remote temple in Asia, I don't know what else she can do to get away from it. I mean, hasn't it been a good while since she actually had anything to do with her musical career, (such as it is)? And yet, the most mundane things about her still make the news.

I noticed a quote of her saying something to the effect of "Wow, I did it, my mom's gonna be so mad at me." I guess that's it right there, isn't it? I take it the mom is vicariously living through her? Christ, no kid should be raised in the spotlight from pre-adolescence.

I was struck by the fact that she's only 25; it seems like I've been hearing about her forever. Thinking back to my own mid-twenties, I can only imagine what kind of meltdown I would have had if at that point I'd already been a celebrity for more than half my life.

Anonymous said...

Britney! Has she lost the plot? I hope not, but it doesn't look good.

Linhuck
Britney Spears

Heywood J. said...

Yeah, exactly. It's hard not to feel bad for her. I think most of us, coming from that (presumably lower middle class) socioeconomic strata (which I do, and I believe Spears does as well), and then having that kind of money and fame at that age, it would drive you nuts.

I skimmed something in an ABC blurb, to the effect of her explaining her decision as, "I'm tired of people touching me. I want them to stop touching me." I'm not even much for shaking hands with strangers -- I don't know where their dick-skinners have been (or worse, I have a suspicion). She has to deal with the sort of weirdos who hang out in front of hotels for hours, hoping for an opportunity to hug and mob her. That would -- and should -- freak a normal person out.

She really should consider just walking away, at least temporarily, and getting some sort of education, if for no better reason than to learn how to keep an eye on her own money, and give her kids some semblance of a normal life. It sounds like most of the people in her life are vampires.

Anonymous said...

I think it's the most intelligent and inspiring thing she has ever done.

Heywood J. said...

I think you're right, Dana. It certainly appears to be one of the few things she has done of her own volition, without having to feign concern for the well-being of her "fans", nor of the various hangers-on who have a vested interest in her continued commercial viability.

Anonymous said...

wife the shrink says, "undiagnosed and untreated bipolar - no question. it really is criminal how she seems to be getting zero help from her friends, family or management"