Whacks Museum

Fixin' ta go on a edumacational road trip.

At long last, the Creation Museum flings open its doors to welcome unwitting simpletons.

The privately funded museum had more than 4,000 guests on opening day, said Mark Looy, a co-founder of the $27 million facility 20 miles southwest of Cincinnati. The parking lot was filled with license plates from dozens of states.

Sure -- State of Intoxication, State of Catatonia, State of Confusion....hell, the entire South was represented. Who had to keep an eye on Cooter's manure pit whilst he was down to the Jeezus Rode Him A Die-know-sore Museum?

The museum features high-tech exhibits designed by a theme-park artist, including animatronic dinosaurs and a wooden ark at least two stories tall, plus a special effects theater and planetarium.

Some exhibits show dinosaurs aboard Noah's Ark and assert that all animals were vegetarians until Adam committed the first sin in the Garden of Eden.

Ordinarily I'd launch into some preachily earnest cliché about how this would be funny if people didn't believe it, yada yada. Which is true, but still.... they spent $27 mil on this thing and all they got was 4,000 people on opening day? Seriously? In the bidness world, that there's what they call a loss leader, a huge one.

I'm sure they'll eventually recoup it on all the choice Kirk Cameron-approved swag they have to offer, but come on, pretty much every '70s band on the casino circuit pulls in a couple thousand people without breaking a huge promo sweat. And last I heard, REO Speedwagon didn't have to kick down for no animatronic dinosaurs either, unless they want to borrow the inflatable one Blue Öyster Cult uses for their crowd-pleasing encore of Godzilla.



Get 'em while they're hot....in, um, adult large only.