The O'Reilly Fucktard

Did you know that roving lesbian gangs are wreaking havoc all across the nation? The Fucktard has the "facts". Bill even helpfully brushed some of the peanuts and corn off one or two of them.

Titled "Violent Lesbian Gangs a Growing Problem," the segment began with host Bill O'Reilly briefly referencing for his roughly 3 million viewers the case of Wayne Buckle, a DVD bootlegger who was attacked by seven lesbians in New York City last August. Deploying swift, broad strokes, O'Reilly painted a graphic picture of lesbian gangs running amok. "In Tennessee, authorities say a lesbian gang called GTO, Gays Taking Over, are involved in raping young girls," he reported. "And in Philadelphia, a lesbian gang called DTO, Dykes Taking Over, are allegedly terrorizing people as well."

Oh my. Whatever will we upright straight law-abidin' folk do?

After this introduction, O'Reilly went to a split-screen live interview with "Fox News crime analyst" Rod Wheeler.

"Tell me what's going on," O'Reilly said.

Wheeler, a Washington, D.C., Metropolitan Police Department officer-turned-paid Fox News commentator, launched right in: "Well, you know, there is this national underground network, if you will, Bill, of women that's lesbians and also some men groups that's actually recruiting kids as young as 10 years old in a lot of the schools in the communities all across the country," he reported. "And they actually carry a number of weapons. And they commit a number of crimes."

....

O'Reilly asked, "Now, when they recruit the kids, are they indoctrinating them into homosexuality?"

"Yes," Wheeler answered. "As a matter of fact, some of the kids have actually reported that they were forced into, you know, performing sex acts and doing sex acts with some of these people."

Flabbergasted by the sheer depravity of it all, O'Reilly nevertheless forged ahead. "I never thought of this," said the host of the "no-spin zone." "It makes sense that, if you had lawless gay people, they would do this kind of thing. You associate homosexuality more with a social movement, not a criminal movement. But you're saying this is all over the country, detective?"

"It makes sense"? Really, Bill? It makes sense that "lawless gay people" in criminal gangs -- which, bottom line, are in it for the benjamins -- are going to spend time forcibly indoctrinating helpless children into their sexual orientation? That's the dumbest thing I've heard in some time, if only because I don't watch The View.

So just who is this Rod Wheeler that Falafel Boy is staking his scoop on?

Confronted by the Intelligence Report, Wheeler was unable, in several phone and E-mail exchanges over a two-day period, to specify a single law enforcement agency or officer, police report, media account or any other source he relied upon for his D.C. area lesbian gangs claim. But he insisted that his report was accurate and that any law enforcement officer who disagrees is "out of touch." "For some reason or other, these organizations don't lay it on the line because they don't know what is going on on the streets," said Wheeler. "This is a serious crisis and the so-called experts are missing it."

According to Wheeler's personal website, he is a member of Jericho City of Praise, a conservative Christian megachurch in Landover, Md., whose leadership publicly advocates against equal rights for gays and lesbians. The website details Wheeler's 500-plus appearances on MSNBC, Court TV and Fox News Channel shows including "The O'Reilly Factor," "On the Record With Greta Van Sustern," and "Hannity & Colmes."

Fox News officials and Bill O'Reilly did not return E-mails seeking comment for this story. O'Reilly is quoted on Wheeler's website heralding Wheeler as "America's most recognized and trusted authority on crime analysis and law enforcement."

Another ringing celebrity endorsement on the site is attributed to White House Press Secretary Tony Snow: "We turn to Rod Wheeler to help us better understand and solve some of these terrible crimes in America."

Wheeler told the Report that he spent seven years in professional law enforcement before going to work as a corporate security officer for McDonald's Corp., a job he has since left. These days, Wheeler is a "food defense specialist" for the American Institute of Baking. Just this spring, he publicly warned that the Big Mac is vulnerable to bioterrorist attacks at "250 points" during production.

Hoo-boy. Even setting aside the fear-mongering about Big Macs (because, let's face it, it could actually happen, given the unconscionably lax food security we have), can we count enough red flags here? Member of yet another weirdo homo-obsessed megachurch; the go-to guy for professional liar Pony Blow; works the cable-newsrat circuit like a Sunset Strip hooker.

Incidentally, there actually is a Dwayne Buckle who was attacked by marauding lesbos:

Last week, Bill O'Reilly decided to address the problem of lesbian gangs. You probably never heard of this epidemic, but apparently they are a big problem. Hell, they must be because Bill O'Reilly said so, even calling them "roving". Or maybe, just maybe Bill O'Reilly is full of crap again. He has on his website a link to the story about the Lesbian 7. They are the women who were accosted by filmaker named Dwayne Buckle after he rebuffed his advances, defended themselves and now are sitting in jail for six months to 11 years in prison for doing so.

Well now, ladies, there's nothin' wrong with an up-and-coming dorkumentarian tryin' to find a little fee-male companionship this fine evening, is there?

The night of the incident, Buckle spat at the women, threw a lit cigarette at them, pulled one of the women towards him, and told the women that having sex with them would turn them straight.

Now, sometimes, when people act like complete assholes and get what they deserve, they admit that they were assholes and back off. Other people decide to simply forget the incident and move on. Buckle, on the other hand, is not only denying that he did anything wrong, but is actually using the event to bolster his career and get his name in the news. Immediately following the night of August 18, Buckle gave interviews to several newspapers in which he said he was "the victim of a hate crime against a straight man." Several newspapers ran articles in which Buckle painted himself as a gentleman who was wronged by a vicious pack of man-hating lesbians. After getting his time in the spotlight, Buckle decided it wasn't enough to stop there. Nope, now he's trying to really cash in: the man is making a movie about the oppression of straight men!

How this went from a garden-variety he-man woman-hater getting what he deserved to some lurid pot-boiler about roving gangs of crazy lesbians brandishing pink guns, only the fevered imagination of Rod Wheeler, and the desk-thumping pud-pounding of Duh Factor know for sure.