Monday, February 15, 2010


From the "Why Didn't I think of That?" files comes this little gem:

Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, says many people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. He started a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

Promoted on the Web as "the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World," the service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If the Rapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes—with atheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans to carry out the mission. "If you love your pets, I can't understand how you could not consider this," he says.

Of course, if this is really the price-point equilibrium and market demand for this, then it's not exactly the gold standard of scams. But it is funny, and as always, some of the commenters are just gravy. I love this one:


Feb 15, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
I think this will be losing venture. I firmly believe that our pets will go with us. I do not believe God would leave these animals to fend for themselves.

Um, yeeaaahhhh, dude, 'cause He really looks out for animals as it is. I mean, this is just flat-out retarded, as in, this person has a severe cognitive deficiency that impairs them from normal perceptions and activities. They probably have to wear a helmet and life-vest when surfing the intarwebz.


Dromedary Hump said...

If you think that comment was moronic, you should see some of the letters theists have sent me about my business.

I have posted them on my blog if you're interested.

Bart / aka dromedary Hump

Heywood J. said...

Thanks, Bart -- I think. Wow. Really amazing stuff. Maybe Darwin was wrong after all. You probably have enough material for another book from this.

Who'd want to risk being in the same place with idiots like that for eternity (but then, an hour with any of them would feel like an eternity)? And any deity that would allow his celestial paradise to be infested for all time with those galoots just isn't earning the title.

Every time I read e-mails like those, I keep in mind that it's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Heywood J. said...

BTW, did that last stream-of-consciousness weirdo who talked about "madam Marie O Hare's Son" mean Madalyn Murray O'Hair's son? Sheesh.

Marius said...

I ran into a person like that, once. I was over at a friend's in Philly for Christmas, in the suburbs. There was this woman, older than feudalism, probably senile, who asked me if I thought pets go to heaven with their owners. I mumbled something about pets maybe not having eternal souls, to extricate myself. She looked me in the eyes, and declared that she didn't want to go to heaven if her dog couldn't come with her.

I can sort of see her angle. She probably knew it was gonna be boring as fuck in heaven, so you'd need some distraction to, um, survive it.