Sunday, February 21, 2010

Moron, Moron, Burning Bright

Deep thought: anyone who is "concerned" about Tiger Woods, or thinks he owes anyone other than his immediate family an explanation, much less an apology, is a flaming dipshit on wobbly wheels.

And hey, speaking of such critters, the big FudgeCPAC is going down, and it is never not entertaining at least. Noted sociopath and war criminal Richard Bruce Cheney, a man who has yet to be correct about much of anything of import, predicts Obama will be a one-term preznit. He is also predicting the Lions to win the next Super Bowl, so there's that.

What the two (Tiger and CPAC) have to do with one another is this: Fargo reject Pawlenty O'Toole took a break from neglecting the upkeep of his state's freeway bridges to burnish his moron credentials by comparing Tiger to Big Gubmint, deserving of a nine-iron to the temple by a distressed wife (that, um, would be the teabaggers, hot and impulsive like only a Swedish nanny can be).

Yet card-carrying loon Lonesome Rhodes -- who, if this is how he is in sobriety, must have been a fucking hoot as a drooling cokehead alky -- sez that Tiger is comparable to the Republicans, an addict who must first admit the problem in order to gain full benefit from appropriate treatment.

And of course Rhodes had all his props at hand, the chalkboard, the stilted socialist poetry slams, the "Clydie Clyde" (I was sure that was some sort of Manson reference, for some reason) muppet thing he apparently does. I had to reread the description to get the gist, it was literally incomprehensible to me. This toad is the fucking Carrot Top of political commentary, which is no doubt a grievous insult to Mr. Top, but prop comedy is a special burden to begin with.

But at least Carrot Top is not pretending to be some sort of arbiter of sociopolitical thought, yet apparently millions of maroons tune in to watch Beck play with sock puppets and draw conspiracy-guy diagrams on a fucking chalkboard, when he's not shilling for gold-hoarding scamboogery. Seriously, what a fucking asshole this clown is.

Anyway, the stupid Tiger analogies. It's one thing that none of them are capable of looking beyond the latest irrelevant "headlines" to compose completely inapt comparisons, but it's just gravy that they can't even be bothered to keep them straight amongst themselves. By the time they stagger out of their annual dipshit camp, the CPACkers will just decide that Tiger is Obama, and the walrus is (Ron) Paul. Shine on, you crazy diamonds.


cavjam said...

First, the last two sentences are genius; or so near to genius as to be indistinguishable. And the entire rhythm of your writing rides to the needed rescue of reason's surrounded redoubt at a rolling, rident gallop. Truly enjoyable reading. Just one of the factors making this site a fave.

Second, as soon as something negative was attributed to Tiger, he indeed became Obama on the rightie-tightie planet, and not just for the shared high yellow content of what passes for character in that medulla oblongata, lock-up-de-white-wimmen world. It's the triumph of wishing over existent reality, an Ozian sort of wishistentialism - the explanation for the lack of shame, anxiety, or embarrassment at the myriad obvious contradictions and proven-lies-held-as-truths by the over-filled drool cups which are native to that world. For there to be cognitive dissonance there first must be cognition.

Heywood J. said...

Wow. Thanks for that. And you're right, rhythm is key. It ain't iambic pentameter exactly, but there has to be some forward motion.

For there to be cognitive dissonance there first must be cognition.

True. They don't actually think so much as spin their wheels, getting stuck in their mental swamp.