Tard and Feathered

There is something of a backlash going on lately, aimed squarely at the puling ingrates who have the nerve and/or gall to expect Saint Hopenchange to at least pretend to try to do what he said he was going to do, as opposed to doing what Goldman Fucking Sachs tells him to do. Stupid us, right? Just be grateful you didn't get saddled with a continuation of the inept and corrupt Cheney theocracy, and eat your damned gruel, chump. As always, you're welcome, America.

Look, believe it or not, we're all adults here, for the most part, anyway. We know this is a big boys' game, played by people whose sincerity is always in question. But Obama has been playing this game either as if he was utterly unprepared for it, or he was in on it all along. Letting Joe Lieberman push him around was bad enough, but handing his pet health-care project over to Max Baucus was the political equivalent of hiring Phillip Garrido as a babysitter. Bad enough Obama lets the Republicans cock-block his every word and deed, but he lets his own party screw him over at every opportunity. That's unacceptable, especially with a supermajority up until this week. Unacceptable hell, it's retarded. There, I said it.

And to the extent that Nacho Limpballs can "wade" into anything without radically affecting its displacement and level, he actually has a point, other than the one on his bulbous head. It's a backassward point, but par for the course for Limpballs.

The upshot here is that tough-guy bare-knuckle back-room arm-twister Rahm Emanuel, who has done exactly diddly-fucking-squat in maintaining any semblance of party discipline, calls his president's most fervid supporters "fucking retarded" -- and takes a jab at damage control by apologizing to Tim Shriver. Alrighty then, at least everyone knows exactly where they stand now.

To belabor the painfully obvious, every successful political organization is, at heart, an ongoing marketing campaign. As a campaigner, Obama successfully poached demographic niches and slivers by deft rhetorical positioning, demonstrating action, intent, passion. He commiserated with a nation that looked up from eight years of Bush's catastrophic monkey-fuckery, found itself in a major hole, and promised that he was the guy with the ladder.

So now citizens -- that is to say, customers, people who bought into the hype and still find themselves sucking wind -- are asking where that ladder is, because so far it just looks like another shovel with a slightly different handle. And for that, they are apparently ingrates and/or retards. Bottom line -- when your master economic plan is for people to lose their jobs and their vinyl-and-glue tract houses so that some thieving Wall Street cocksuckers can keep their vacation home and stock options, you need a better explanation than this ipse dixit bullshit we've been getting for a year now.

In our stupid, bought-and-paid-for Coke/Pepsi political dynamic, it might behoove New Coke to recall how that shakes out sometimes, that when half the customers you pulled over from Pepsi are already starting to go back, it might not be a great idea to call your best remaining customers retards. They just might take a moment to reflect and think, "You know, if I waste my vote on you again, maybe I am fucking retarded." And who could blame them? Rahm Emanuel shouldn't be fired for using a politically incorrect term -- he should be fired because he's fucking incompetent. Every one of these bozos in the Senate saw how Lieberman got away with every goddamned thing he pulled, so of course they're going to do the same. Rahm Emanuel is an enforcer like I'm LeBron James.

Rule number one for any business that intends to stay in business is that you at least make an honest attempt to do what you say you're going to do. Bush and Cheney did what they set out to do, like it or not, and they did it with less than 59 senators. These dipshits smack their faces on the doorframe, and blame everyone but their own klutziness. We'll see how that works out for them come November. I'm sure they'll come away from their inevitable ass-kicking more firmly resolved to flip the bird to the people who foolishly believed in them, and genuflect more resolutely to the animals who will never give them the time of day.

This, more than anything else, is why people just say "fuck it" and stop bothering to vote.