Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Spasibo, Vremya Stoli (or, Next of Kim)

So, it's your wacky neighbor's birthday, and what do you get for the megalomanical midget goofball who has everything already? Shoe lifts, bouffant dye, the latest granny shades, cases of Hennessy, he's already got all that. You could kidnap some Japanese actresses for his secret harem, but he's got that too. Madmen can be hard to shop for, even in the glorious revolutionary worker paradise of Juche 99.

Pyongyang, February 16 (KCNA) -- General Secretary Kim Jong Il received a congratulatory message from Russian President Dmitri Medvedev on Tuesday on the occasion of his birthday.

The message said:

Respected Your Excellency Chairman,

Please accept my heartfelt congratulations to you on your birthday.

Then Medvedev offered Kim a deal on some fake Rolexes and placebo boner pills. "Kak dyela, dude! I am having many great pills for your day! Make your cock like baseball bat, bro! All girls are liking!" It's probably more effective with the Cyrillic alphabet, at least from what I've heard.


Marius said...

This he can count on getting from America. Or, as a friendly gesture, a nice accessory for his pompadour. China must have already sent him tons of these -- they're two dime a dozen over there. But he won't accept any fake shit from them Russkis; it's gotta be all legit.

Marius said...

Last one, I swear.

Heywood J. said...

Holy crap. I can't believe I've never come across (or all over) that site. I need to get out more often.

Best site ever? Yes. Best. Site. Ever. That's going on the broglorr.

Marius said...

There's two of them, in fact. And the American site ( seems to be part of a network of sites. I also relished It looked so... life-like.

But there's nothing like the ineffable kind of nonsense writers of Engrish produce. It's transcendent.